


Ignotum Per Ignotius

by KillianJones32



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Angel Noah, Demon Ronan, Human Gansey, M/M, Non-Binary Noah, Ronan's got issues and slowly learns to deal with them, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-23 09:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11399481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillianJones32/pseuds/KillianJones32
Summary: Ignotum per ignotius (Latin for "the unknown by the more unknown") describes an explanation that is less familiar than the concept it would explain.Ronan Lynch is a demon who struggles to control his powers, Adam is the new student who's a complete mystery to Ronan and to most students at Aglionby Acadamy but when Gansey befriends Adam, Ronan learns that there's a lot more beneath the surface of Adam Parrish than he ever could have dreamed.





	1. Nino's

**Author's Note:**

> My first multi-chapter Pynch fanfic, tags will be updated as the story goes on and 'll try and update as often as I can. Based loosely on the AU on dailyau on tumblr that was: You’re a fallen angel and I’m trying to figure out what you did AU

Ronan slams the passenger door of the outrageously orange Camaro shut and sighs that little bit extra loudly as he sinks into the seat.

Gansey doesn’t pay his theatrics a second glance and he’s already turning the keys, clicking in his seatbelt and giving him a stern look over his designer sunglasses to do the same.

Ronan glares at him for moment but he knows Gansey won’t leave Monmouth Manufacturing until he buckles his stupid seat belt so he does so, for the sole reason that he’s starving and wants a pizza from Nino’s as soon as possible.

He can feel his hands burning with the heat of the surprisingly hot October day and he can feel his powers simmering beneath the surface so he clenches one of his fists in his lap and wraps the other around the roof handle just to have something to ground him.

Noah sits in the back rambling about the latest episode of RuPaul’s fucking Drag Race and Ronan tunes him out because he really couldn’t care less and opts to stare out the window and he wishes he was the one driving right now instead of Gansey.

Five minutes ago he had his BMW keys in hand and was walking to his car with Noah trailing behind him, ready to drive the three of them to Nino’s when Gansey insisted that he was going to drive them in the Camaro.

Ronan whirled around to him and almost punched a fist in the window of his car because Gansey always fucking did this.

The excuses were always the same, “I just got her checked out, I want to make sure she still runs smoothly”, “I’ve some homework in the back that I want you to look over as we drive”, “I need to get it washed, I may as well do that on the way back”.

But Ronan knew what they all meant, “I don’t trust you not to get us all killed with your reckless driving” but of course Gansey would never say that out loud.

Ronan couldn’t even be pissed at Gansey for doubting him if it was because he was a demon.

Demons will always have more stereotypes associated with them than precious angels like Noah but Gansey really doesn’t care that Ronan’s a demon.

When Ronan had told him, Gansey didn’t even look up from the extra credit English essay he was writing and said, “Well that explains why you’ve such a fiery temper.”

Noah had laughed at the pun. Ronan had not.

But no Gansey just hates Ronan’s driving because he drives like he’s nothing to live for. Gansey actually told him that once and that he was worried that’s why he drove so fast because that’s how he really felt, that Ronan didn’t care if he crashed and wound up dead in the local morgue.

Ronan had forced himself not to roll his eyes and tried to be genuine as he promised that wasn’t why he drove fast.

He drove fast because it stopped his brain from overthinking. Instead of his hands constantly feeling like they were going to burst with their constant heat, his whole body buzzed with electricity and burning warmth.

It was a distraction that made him feel more alive than anything ever could. He wanted to feel alive, he didn’t want to die.

Gansey had said he understood but he still insisted on driving whenever they went anywhere together and although it annoyed Ronan like nothing else, he wasn’t going to cause a fight over it, fighting with Gansey was never worth it.

If there was only one thing in the world that made Ronan Lynch feel guilty, Richard Campbell Gansey the Third’s disappointed eyes were it.

They’re pulling into Nino’s when Gansey finally speaks,

“By the way, I invited Adam Parrish along so be civil.”

Gansey looks at both Noah and Ronan when he says this but one doesn’t have to be a genius to know his words are aimed at Ronan.

“Parrish?” Ronan scoffs, relishing in unbuckling his belt the second Gansey pulls into a parking space and turning to face him, “From school? Why the fuck would you invite him?”

He hears Noah whisper, “I think he’s nice” from the backseat but Ronan doesn’t even look at him, his eyes fixed on Gansey who sighs and turns off the ignition.

“Because like Noah said he’s a nice kid” Ronan can’t help but feel like Gansey is a parent trying to talk their child around to a play date they arranged with the only kid in school they dislike, that wasn’t to say Ronan disliked Adam in particular, Ronan just happened to dislike everyone, “I told you he helped me fix my car last week remember? When it broke down on one of the many mornings I drove to school while you decided once again not to attend? I asked him to let me pay him back.”

“And you’re going to do that by taking him to Nino’s?” Ronan makes sure to emphasis the diner’s name with particular distaste.

Nino’s is your typical greasy pizzeria with its mediocre food and cheesy music, Ronan much preferred the take out place closer to Monmouth as their fries tasted way better but Gansey took a liking to Nino’s so of course it became their regular.

And when Ronan said Gansey took a liking to Nino’s, he meant Gansey took a liking to the pretty girl with short black hair who worked as a waitress there.

Blue had been the newest addition to what Noah liked to grin and call their ‘squad’ and Ronan hadn’t even warmed up to her yet so in his opinion it was a little unfair for Gansey to introduce Parrish into their friendship so soon after the damn pixie.

Admittedly Ronan knows very few things about Adam Parrish.

He knows the general stuff; that Adam transferred to Aglionby Academy at the start of this school year from the public school on the other side of Henrietta.

He’s pretty sure he works at a mechanics or is just constantly working on cars because Ronan has noticed leftover grease under his fingernails while Adam took notes in class.

That wasn’t to say Ronan stared at Adam a lot, only that Adam just so happened to be seated in front of him in Latin class and since Ronan could only take staring into space or outside the window for so long, he occasionally took to watching the attractive boy’s movements as a way to pass the time.

This leads Ronan to the third and last thing he knows about Adam Parrish, he’s clever. When their teacher asks the class a question, Parrish is one of the only ones willing to raise their hand and Ronan has never witnessed him be wrong about the answer.

He’s watched Parrish’s reaction when their tests were given back, never caring to look at his own results and he noticed that most people probably couldn’t tell Parrish did well as he didn’t grin or high five his best friend as the other boys usually did.

Instead his shoulders merely dropped with Ronan assumed to be relief and only then would Ronan realise just how tensed they had previously been and how stiff they always were.

Needless to say he’s not the type of guy Ronan would expect to be having dinner with in Nino’s of all places.

Sure, he can see Gansey and Parrish being friends, both smart, Parrish is probably just as much of a nerd about school things as Gansey and he seems friendly enough even though he’s never spoken to Ronan but that’s normal for the majority of Aglionby students.

But picturing Adam Parrish sitting across the table from him? Listening to his crass jokes and being on the other side of his glares? Well that’s something Ronan definitely never thought would happen and he’d no idea why Gansey would think of it being a good idea.

Gansey doesn’t respond and he simply gives him that Gansey look that basically tells Ronan to just please go along with this.

Ronan feels a small hand squeeze his shoulder and he knows it’s Noah so he doesn’t shove him off; it’s a rare day when he can deny Noah Czerny anything. That’s probably because he reminds him so much of Matthew. They are both angels after all.

Growing up the son of a demon father and fallen angel mother, Ronan hadn’t grown up with the prejudices many demons did of opting to stay away from angels and even humans to an extend as they only ever tried to change them and Ronan has learned that most angels are taught the same thing about demons.

Noah never seemed to care about being in Ronan’s presence though. The only times he mentions what Ronan is, are when he’s making a pun or a stupid joke and Ronan never talks about the fact that Noah’s an angel.

Gansey, the only human in their friend group, well before Blue and apparently Adam wandered into their lives, used to constantly ask him questions about his life and how it worked and what was different about the two of them.

Ronan had looked him dead in the eye and said, “The difference between Noah and me Gansey is he’s an annoying prick and I’m not.”

His car keys had suspiciously gone missing for the next two days until he muttered an apology to Noah and to this day Ronan’s not sure which one of them stole his keys but he wasn’t exactly going to ask.

“Come on” Noah says gently and it’s only then that Ronan realises Gansey has gotten out of the car, “I know you don’t like meeting new people but Adam seems nice. He’s in my English class, we’ve talked a bit.”

Ronan silently curses Noah and his ability to always fucking know everything but he winds up nodding and opening the door to get out of the car anyway.

Blue is waitressing this evening because of course she is and once they enter the diner she smiles at them, well she smiles at Gansey and Noah and glowers at Ronan and points to a booth in the corner where Adam is waiting patiently, his hands lying comfortably on the table and his eyes trained out the window.

He’s so still he almost looks like a damn portrait, except for the denim jeans and baggy seaweed colour t-shirt he’s wearing and the bags around his eyes that Ronan can see from the doorway.

Gansey and Noah walk immediately towards him so Ronan of course has to follow, Gansey sits beside Adam and Noah sits on the inside of the booth across from him so Ronan has no choice but to sit diagonally across from Adam which isn’t so bad, at least he’s sitting on the outside so he can escape if he needs to.

They all exchange pleasant greetings and ‘how are you?’s but Ronan only nods in greeting after he shoves off his jacket and mutters a gruff “Parrish” in his direction, if Adam is surprised by his lack of communication, he doesn’t show it.

It doesn’t take more than five minutes for Blue to come over and ask their order and Gansey suggests they all share a pizza between them and whoever wanted fries and drinks could get them too and they could pay for whatever they got afterwards.

Usually they get at least two pizzas between them and split the bill but maybe Gansey wanted to be more polite with Adam joining them, Ronan notices Adam’s shoulders drop slightly just as they do in class out of the corner of his eye so he knows not to mention anything.

After they order and Blue brings them their drinks, Adam casually asks how the three of them ended up living together.

Noah and Gansey both took a furtive glance at Ronan which of course the clever Adam Parrish instantly caught.

Ronan sighs and turns to speak to Adam for the first time that evening,

“Well it’s simply really, when Gansey and I started our love affair our parents kicked us out so we made Monmouth Manufacturing our love nest and well then Noah fell in love with us and we just couldn’t let him go he moved in with us too and now we all happily live together as the gayest polyamorous couple in Virginia.” He grins sharply when he sees the embarrassed flush in Adam’s cheeks.

Gansey splutters while Noah laughs as he bites on the top of the straw in his glass of fizzling coke and Ronan’s sure he can hear Blue snorting from where she’s supposed to be working a few tables away.

“That’s not-” Gansey says quickly, “He’s joking! Ronan likes to joke a lot.”

“Aw Gansey darling,” Noah whines “Don’t deny our love!”

Ronan smirks and leans back, folding his arms while delighting in the sudden crease in Adam’s brow but he wasn’t expecting the bright smile that soon appears on Adam’s face.

“I’m not surprised. It only proves the rumours that have been circulating all year were true. The whole school is very happy for you guys.”

Ronan definitely hears Blue laugh loudly as she walks by the table and catches the proud glance she throws at Adam and Ronan’s sure she’s dying to high-five him right now.

Ronan and Adam stare at each other for a long moment and then Ronan grins again and turns back to Gansey who’s watching him carefully as if unsure of what his next move will be.

“You know what Gansey?” Ronan says, wrapping his fingers around his drink and bringing the glass to his lips, wishing something alcoholic had been dropped into it, “I think Parrish might be alright after all.”

Noah claps his hands together and excitedly talks about Adam joining the ‘squad’ while Gansey tries to look impassive but Ronan catches the relief and happiness lurking behind his gaze.

Adam says nothing though; he just nods along to Noah’s words and doesn’t seem at all intimidated or uncomfortable at how quickly Noah is growing attached to him.

Once the pizza arrives and Blue joins them on her break, it quickly becomes the Blue and Gansey flirtation show while Ronan, Noah and Adam turn into three third wheels.

For once, Ronan couldn’t care about Gansey’s attention being averted because for one there’s food and two, it means the explanation of the real reason why Ronan and Noah and Gansey all live together has been dropped.

It’s not that Ronan cares what other people think about him, he certainly doesn’t care about what Adam Parrish of all people thinks about him but it’s not a topic he likes to discuss a lot and he knows it’s a similar situation for Noah.

“Are they always like this?” Adam whispers across the table, eyes glancing towards the two lovebirds sitting beside them.

There isn’t even enough room for the three of them on the seat, Adam is pressed as far as he can get to the window while Blue is half sitting on Gansey’s lap but Ronan doubts she or Gansey are complaining about that.

“Pretty much” Ronan huffs

“I think they’re cute.” Noah wistfully says at the same time

Ronan glowers at him, “They’re not even together”

Adam looks at Gansey and Blue who have their heads so close together as they talk to each other that they may as well be kissing and looks back to Ronan with a raised eyebrow,

“Are you sure about that?”

Ronan isn’t sure. But he likes to think he knows Gansey better than Adam Parrish and if he’d gotten himself a girlfriend, Ronan would assume that Gansey would tell him.

Ronan’s expecting it of course and he wouldn’t be surprised if Gansey was dating the weird dressing short girl but he’d probably need to shoot some fireballs at a wall with Kavinsky if he found out they’d been dating without telling him.

Ronan Lynch grits his teeth at the thought.

Joseph Kavinsky is the reason negative stereotypes about demons exist with his not so secret drug business and the unknown deaths of his parents always tracing back to him yet he’s never been charged with anything.

Kavinsky may be the worst person that Ronan Lynch knows and Ronan knows quite a few sketchy people but he’s also one of the few demons Ronan has ever known and the only one willing to teach Ronan how to use his powers other than his late father.

Gansey hates him and Ronan has never known Gansey to hate anybody and whenever Ronan leaves to see Kavinsky, Gansey does all but beg him not to go. 

Ronan says the same thing every time, “He’s the only one who can help me, the only one who can teach me about who I am.”

Gansey responds with the same words every time too, “It’s not all you are Ronan and we can find someone else. Declan has said-“

And that’s usually when Ronan storms out the door because the last thing he needs is his best friend sticking up for his brother.

Declan had tried to find tutors for Ronan to control the fire that rests below the surface of his palms, to stop him almost setting fire to Monmouth on at least four different occasions as he slept, he would have set the whole building on fire if it hadn’t been for Gansey’s insomnia as he’d been awake and was able to put out the fire before it turned into more than a few flames and smoke.

All of Ronan’s tutors had given up after the first lesson.

Maybe Ronan was too difficult to work with as a person or maybe his powers were damaged and uncontrollable like Kavinsky always said.

Noah snaps his fingers in front of Ronan’s eyes and Ronan snaps out of his thoughts to glare at him and swat his hand away.

“What the fuck?”

“We’re leaving Lynch, come on”

Ronan blinks and realises the others have all stood up, their food eaten and drinks gone. Ronan’s own plate is cleared even though he can’t recall finishing his fries and multiple slices of pizza.

Gansey and Blue are standing beside the table, Blue has a tray under her arm and she’s gazing up at Gansey and nodding along to whatever wondrous tales he’s telling her of.

Adam stands behind them, searching through his wallet and Ronan forces himself to tear his eyes away, somehow he feels guiltier watching Adam frown at his wallet than watching Gansey and Blue cosy up to each other with barely an inch between them.

Ronan steps out of the booth and stands, stepping aside so Noah can exit the booth too.

Ronan reaches into his pocket and takes out a note with some old president on it that he could never remember the name of but knows it’ll more than cover what he ordered.

He slaps it onto Gansey’s chest and Gansey jumps in surprise and catches the bill with one hand and tears his eyes away from Blue to raise his eyebrows at him.

Shrugging, Ronan tugs his leather jacket back on and walks backwards towards the door,

“I’m going to wait in the car, if there’s any change give it to our dearest Blue over here” Blue shoots him a death glare so he just smiles sweetly back, “Adam, hope you didn’t find our presence too revolting, see you in class on Monday, or not, I’ll see how hungover I’ll be.”

Adam glances up from his wallet once he heard his name and nods when Ronan finishes his sentence while Noah rolls his eyes at his words.

“I’ll come with you” Noah says, handing his money to Gansey as well, “Adam, lovely seeing you again, please do come out with us more, you’re excellent company.”

A faint blush tints Adam’s cheeks but Ronan turns his back on him as soon as he sees it so he doesn’t have to think about it and he walks out, leaving his hand on the open door for a second longer than necessary so Noah can follow through.

Walking to the car, all Noah can do is babble about how amazing Adam is and Ronan silently swears that if Noah becomes as lovesick for Adam as Gansey is for Blue, he might just set Monmouth on fire on purpose.

Stepping into the passenger seat, Ronan ignores the nagging ache in his stomach and Kavinsky’s voice in his head pushing him to get in the driver’s seat instead and just drive.

“And he’s so smart too!” Noah continues as he clambers in the middle of backseat and shuts the door behind him, “Did you know he’s been acing all our pop quizzes in Latin? Even I got a B minus in that one two weeks ago but he said he found it okay. He didn’t seem to want to tell me that he was doing so well, I think I embarrassed him but still! Can you believe it?”

“Wait, when the hell were you two talking about Latin?” Ronan asks, turning in his seat to frown at Noah who looks like a kid on a sugar high as he jumps up and down in his seat.

“When you were all spaced out” Noah says, waving his hands, “But I just thought it was cool because you know usually only people who are like us are good at Latin.”

Ronan nods and turns back in his seat, staring out into the night through the windshield.

Noah is right, angels and demons tend to excel at Latin because it’s in the blood and they were the ones who originated the language centuries ago.

It doesn’t help that their Latin teacher at Aglionby Academy is awful and can’t teach for shit, so much so that Gansey usually spends his insomniac nights studying Latin in an effort to do as well in it as he does in all his other subjects, both compulsory and the unnecessary extra ones he takes ‘for fun’.

Gansey’s easily the smartest person in the year, everyone knows that and yet even he struggles to get a B in Latin so Ronan must admit that it is strange how well Adam does in it.

Maybe he’s friends with an angel or demon who tutors him; he most certainly can’t be one.

One can usually tell if someone isn’t human by looking at them. Noah and Matthew have the same similar light hair and bright smiles and shining, attractive personality that the majority of angels have.

Ronan and Kavinsky have the same sharp features, unpleasant attitudes and repellent personalities associated with demons.

A lot of humans aren’t exactly intuitive so they don’t notice but angels and demons can usually recognise one another; maybe because they’ve been warned about the other for so long.

But Adam was something else, some sort of enigma that Ronan had never thought he’d want to figure out, yet here he is sitting in the passenger seat of Gansey’s Camaro thinking about him.

Whatever Adam Parrish is, whether it be human, angel, devil or something else undiscovered, Ronan had a feeling that if he was going to start spending more time with them as Noah hoped then they’d probably discover whatever he is sooner or later.

Ronan’s stomach twists again because he knows what that means.

If they are going to find out what Adam is or isn’t, that means eventually he’ll find out what Ronan is if he doesn’t already know and God knows how he’s going to take that.

Gansey finally gets into the car ten minutes later and gives Noah and Ronan their change back, murmuring how he paid for Blue’s tip himself and waits until everyone’s ready, and of course buckled in to start the car, blast his really bad old music before driving back to Monmouth.

On the way, Gansey asks over the music if it’s okay with them if Blue and Adam come over some day to help him on some history project that Ronan knows Gansey doesn’t need any help on.

Noah predictably says, “Of course!” very excitedly while Ronan just nods.

It seemed their ‘squad’ as Noah calls it has quickly grown from three, to four and now to five and while Ronan should feel sick at the thought of being surrounded by more people on a regular basis now maybe this way he’ll be able to figure out the mystery that is Adam Parrish before Adam uncovers the mystery that is Ronan Lynch.


	2. Declan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam smiles, Ronan looks at him and Declan attempts to give some advice.

Kicking his feet up onto Gansey’s duvet, Ronan smirks when he catches Gansey’s disapproving eyes from where he works on his history project on his desk chair across the room.

“What?” Ronan asks, tilting his head in a poor attempt at innocence, “You didn’t care fifteen minutes ago when Blue put her dirty shoes on your bed, I don’t even have shoes on so count yourself lucky.”

Pride swoops in Ronan’s stomach when he sees a blush tint Gansey’s cheeks, God how did he never see how desperate his best friend was for Blue until Noah mentioned it.

“Your feet stink Ronan, Blue’s don’t…or at least…I presume they don’t. I wouldn’t know.”

Blue snickers beside him on the bed and moves her feet from side to side tauntingly but Ronan only rolls his eyes, he opens his mouth to say something but then Noah speaks from where he sits cross legged on the ground at the foot of the bed.

“Shush you guys, I’m trying to watch this.”

Ronan resists the urge to roll his eyes again, reminding himself that Noah’s eyes are trained on the TV in front of him and it wouldn’t be half as fun if he did it and Noah couldn’t see it and react with his usual glare.

“You’ve seen this episode a hundred times” Ronan reminds him, “In fact even I’ve seen this episode a hundred times, you re-watch a whole season of Friends every weekend”

“That’s not true” Noah says adamantly and Ronan can hear the smile creeping into his voice, “Last weekend I watched two seasons.”

A light chuckle comes from the desk but it’s not Gansey’s.

Ronan already knows who it belongs to but he turns and looks anyway.

Adam Parrish sits next to Gansey on one of the few chairs from the kitchen with a smile gracing his face.

Ronan can’t help but stare as he realises this isn’t the same smile that Adam wore when he was mocking him in Nino’s.

This smile is genuine; Adam’s blue eyes shine bright and clear as they look at Noah with amusement and interest.

His shoulders are still as tense as ever, one of his hands rests against his own jaw and the other on the table but his face looks relaxed and content.

Adam’s eyes drift away from Noah and catch Ronan’s.

Ronan doesn’t let himself catch Adam’s changed expression before he quickly wipes his head back to the small television on the table across from the bed.

He curses internally because could he have been any more obvious but when he unconsciously looks over at Adam again, he’s talking excitedly to Gansey, not looking anywhere in Ronan’s direction and pointing at different pieces of paper on the table.

It looks like Ronan was right about Adam being a nerd about school stuff after all.

An hour later Ronan is stuck watching Ross and Rachel fight over something or another, Blue’s head is lying on his shoulder and Adam and Gansey decide to take a break from working and move their chairs closer to the TV to join in.

Noah almost has a heart attack when Adam tells him he’s never seen Friends before.

“But it’s a classic!”

“I guess we just never watched TV much in our house.”

“But it’s a classic!” 

Adam shrugs and the tranquil gaze that he used to have when he looked at Noah is gone.

“Well I’m watching it now.”

Noah’s frown suddenly turns into a wide grin that shows off his dimples, “Oh my God you know what this means?”

Blue murmurs a “What?” from Ronan’s shoulder but Ronan and Gansey both sigh and say “Really?” at the same time while Adam just frowns.

Ronan much prefers Adam’s smile than his frown which is almost constantly gracing his features but Ronan would never tell him that.

“We need to have a Friends marathon!”

Adam looks startled at the prospect; Blue stifles a laugh while Ronan and Gansey just groan.

“We don’t have the time today” Gansey says gently “Maybe just the first season, if Adam wants.”

Everyone turns to Adam whose body tenses even further at all of the attention.

“I don’t want to intrude”

Noah laughs, “Intrude? It’d be an honour to show you it! I’ve the whole box set! Please?”

The crease in Adam’s forehead deepens so Ronan sighs loudly.

“For Christ’s sakes Parrish just say you’ll watch it so we don’t have to put up with him whining all week that you wouldn’t.”

Noah shoots him that loveable glare but Ronan keeps his eyes on Adam who’s turned to look at him with a curious gaze.

“You’re welcome here anytime” Gansey adds softly, “You wouldn’t be overstaying your welcome if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Blue sits up and raises her head from Ronan’s shoulder which he should be relieved about but he kind of misses the closeness, regardless of who it was.

“Yeah and you’ve got Ronan wanting you to stay here” She teases, elbowing Ronan in the ribs making him elbow her back harder, “It took him two months for him to even speak to me while I was here.”

“I’d nothing to talk to you about.” Ronan says though he knows she’s right.

“Anyway” Noah says, his tone clear that he really couldn’t care less about another fight between Ronan and Blue which makes Ronan stick his tongue out at him, which Noah only reciprocates before turning to Adam, joy in his face again, “Will you do it? We can start now if you like? Unless you’re busy?”

It takes a moment but then Adam nods,

“I’ve to be at work at 5 so I can stay until about half four if that’s okay?”

Gansey claps him on the back causing Adam to jump in his chair but the others don’t seem to notice, Blue settles back into Ronan’s shoulder muttering that he better not complain and it’s lucky he’s comfy or she’d have strung him up months ago while Noah shoots up and rushes to get his treasured box set from his room.

It was going to be a long afternoon.

A few hours and two frozen pizzas later Ronan’s listening to Blue quietly whisper the words along to the episode currently on which involves some sort of blackout but he’s not really paying much attention to the characters as his eyes keep straying to Adam.

Adam’s leaning forward in his chair, eyes trained on the screen; he’s laughed several times so far, a sound that was admittedly quite nice, so Ronan assumes Adam has been enjoying himself.

The thought that’s eating away at Ronan is why isn’t he angry that Adam’s friends with them now?

He was jealous for months when Blue was added to the group, not that he’d ever admit it.

Perhaps that was because Ronan’s ridiculously selfish and hated that Gansey’s attention was almost always on Blue and it took him too long to see how much happier Blue made him.

Noah was different, Noah was so light-hearted and happy and didn’t talk down to Ronan but he also wasn’t intimidated by him and he certainly didn’t take any of Ronan’s shit.

But Ronan accepted him instantly because of how much he reminded him of Matthew; not that he sees them as the same person of course.

They’re just such good people with kind souls and Ronan perhaps naively wonders if maybe that’ll rub off on him one of these days.

Adam’s addition to their group isn’t easy like Noah’s or annoying like Blue’s, it’s just nothing, it’s normal; it’s almost as if he’s always been here.

A sharp, clear knock on the door startles not just Ronan but the others and Noah pauses the episode while Gansey goes to see who’s at the door.

When he returns his face his grim and Ronan’s wondering if Kavinsky had the nerve to show up at his home when he sees the face of someone even worse standing with his back straight and chin high behind Gansey, Declan.

Declan, Ronan’s pompous older brother who believes there are strict right and wrongs ways in dealing with life and every single thing Ronan does is the wrong way.

Declan who is the only member of the Lynch family, both alive and dead, who is a human.

As a child Ronan worried that was the reason Declan didn’t like spending time with him, he thought perhaps he was upset about being the so called ‘odd one out’ but now that he’s older Ronan knows Declan has probably always thought he was better than the others because he’s a human.

He doesn’t have to deal with having to always make the right, pure decisions like angels who also have wings growing out of their backs and he certainly doesn’t have to deal with constantly fighting off an anger that never leaves and fire burning underneath his skin like Ronan.

From the corner of his eye Ronan sees Adam stare cluelessly at Declan and even Blue doesn’t move her head, oblivious that Declan’s here to see him, Ronan’s actually surprised she hasn’t met him before. Gansey was probably glad of that, he hates how Ronan gets around Declan almost as much as he despises how Ronan gets around Kavinsky.

Noah smiles though because of course he does and says cheerily,

“Hey Declan!”

Ronan almost expects Noah to invite Declan in for something to eat and to join their Friends marathon but perhaps he knows it’s wiser if he doesn’t, he might end up being almost thrown out the window by Ronan for a second time.

Declan nods at Noah in acknowledgement but then his eyes revert back to Ronan who stares defiantly back at him.

“Ronan, could I have a word with you please?”

Ronan narrows his eyes, “I’m kind of busy now actually as you can probably see.”

Declan glances to the TV screen, the dirty plates on the ground and then back to Blue’s head on his shoulder and Ronan can practically see the twitch in Declan’s eyebrow as he tries not to raise them mockingly.

Declan isn’t really a marathoning a TV show with his friends type of person, he certainly doesn’t think it’s worthy of Ronan’s supposedly busy time, God only knows what Declan and his friends do for fun, quiz each other on Republican members of Congress he suspects.

“It’s rather important. I won’t take up much of your precious time.”

Ronan wants to tell Declan where to shove the conversation he wants to have that’ll inevitably end in a fight like always but he can feel everyone’s eyes on him, especially Gansey’s which are practically begging him not to cause an argument.

So he sighs, swings his legs out onto the floor and gently shoves Blue off his shoulder before standing and making his way to the door.

“Fine” He mutters gruffly, “You’ve got five minutes” and then he walks outside because he doesn’t want Declan in his home for longer than needs be, no doubt he’s been calculating every spot of dampness in the ceiling or all of the dangerous loose floorboards since he first walked in.

The air is cool outside, casting a glance up at the sky Ronan guesses it’ll rain soon enough, maybe he’ll go for a drive later, if there’s anything better than speeding at night then it’s speeding in the rain, not the safest, certainly not something Gansey would approve of but that only means it’s more thrilling.

Turning and leaning against his BMW, Ronan raises an eyebrow at Declan who closes the front door behind him; that’s a pity now Gansey will have to spy on them from the window, he’ll be so disappointed, he won’t be able to hear as well, only time will tell if Ronan’s happy about that or not.

Declan’s familiar stony expression appears and Ronan prepares himself for whatever lecture is to come.

“You’ve been back at the Barns.”

Well he wasn’t expecting that.

He can’t lie and say he hasn’t been back there but he was only there once and that was months ago. Declan wouldn’t understand and he wouldn’t listen if Ronan tried to explain so he just said nothing.

“The Barns is in the property of the Elders now Ronan” Declan says sternly as if Ronan hasn’t heard this same speech a hundred times, “It’s illegal, they have the right to decide whether we can live there and they decided it was too dangerous. You need to respect that. You know what they could do if they catch you. They’ll strip you of your power, your status; you’ll no longer be a demon.”

“Excellent, sounds brilliant, maybe I should just go to them and tell them I was back, get it over with then I can become just like you like you always wanted.”

Declan gives him a look that says Ronan’s being unreasonable but Ronan really doesn’t care.

“Your powers are important Ronan, you got them from our father, being a demon was a part of him and it’s a part of you. You can’t tell me you want to get rid of that.”

Ronan folds his arms so he doesn’t punch Declan right in the jaw.

“And your powers are special Ronan” Declan continues “You can do so much good.”

Ronan laughs low in his throat, “What the hell would you know about my powers or demons in general? You don’t know what it’s like learning all this shit without dad around. And that’s not me being fucking pitiful it’s just the damn truth. That’s why I went back okay? To look for books on helping me control…” Ronan opens his fists and stares down at his palms, the surfaces of which have reddened and the faint crackle beneath his skin is loud in the open air, when Ronan looks up at Declan, he catches him flinch, “This”

Declan sighs, “Why don’t you go to St. Agnes then?”

“To pray that God will help me with my powers? Really? I don’t think that’s how it works. He’s not going to come down to Earth to be my tutor like in the movies.”

Declan rolls his eyes, “The nuns are all angels and demons there Ronan. They can help you. And I’m sure there are hundreds of books in the library about learning to be a demon and helping your powers, you’d know that if you’d ever been inside a library in your life.”

“’Being a Demon for Dummies’ great, I’ll get right on that Declan thanks” Ronan says, plastering a fake wide smile onto his face.

Declan clenches his jaw and steps forwards, “You know this isn’t just about you. If you get caught on the grounds of the Barns, the Elders won’t just punish you, Matthew and I will be punished as well.”

Ronan feels like his whole body is a pool of gasoline and Declan’s dangling a lit match dangerously too close to him.

“Don’t threaten Matthew.”

“I’m not” The rage in Declan’s eyes lessens and he lets out a long breath “But you know it’s true”

Matthew is off limits. Declan and Ronan would happily fight with each other until the end of time but it was an unwritten rule to never involve Matthew in their arguments.

Because if there’s one thing left in this whole world that Ronan Lynch loves and has faith in, it’s his younger brother Matthew. And Ronan knows it’s the same for Declan, though he probably loves and has faith in a lot more things as well but he knows Ronan doesn’t.

Ronan’s feels sweat pool in his fists but he refuses to open them to wipe them on his jeans, fearful a ball of cursed fire will fly out the second his fingers open out so instead he punches his fist hard into Declan’s chest.

Declan stumbles backwards but he says nothing and his own fists don’t fight back, he knows his words have already done to Ronan what he intended them to.

Declan knows Ronan would do anything for Matthew, including never setting foot in the Barns again.

Ronan doesn’t mention that he had no wish to return to the Barns again anytime soon, well that’s possibly a lie, every bone in his body aches to go back there but it’s not the same.

The minute he pulled up to the door a few months ago, his body went cold, he stared through the windshield at the gravel on the ground and remembered his father’s car and Niall Lynch’s bloodied body with his head smashed in lying unmoving beside it.

They never found the killer.

Ronan remembered the night a week after the funeral when Matthew broke down into sobs and for the first time in his life he raised his voice and shouted why would someone want him dead and why hadn’t the police found the murderer yet and about a thousand other agonizing questions that Ronan couldn’t recall.

Declan and Ronan had silently looked at each other and neither could answer him.

There were many people with prejudices against demons who could’ve killed Niall Lynch for simply being a demon, Niall Lynch was also not a person one would want to cross and there were tens of people who Niall had been on bad terms with.

Ronan doesn’t recall how he and Declan calmed him down but he remembers Matthew picking himself back up and being braver than Ronan’s ever known.

Matthew stood tall and strong two days later when they moved their mother into a care home at the ripe old age of forty-five. He smiled and started chit-chat with her over how he was hoping to join the soccer team this year; she didn’t say anything back to him and has never spoken since.

The Barns wasn’t home anymore, Ronan hoped it could be again someday but right now it simply wasn’t.

The last time he’d been there was ironically because of Kavinsky who had been taunting him for over five months about how he can’t properly control his powers, he couldn’t even aim a small fireball correctly and he’d doubt Ronan even was a demon if it wasn’t for his infamous glower.

So he went to the Barns to search for some of his father’s old books to see if they’d help and maybe pick up one or two about angels for Matthew. He’d found a few in the half hour he stayed there and taken them back to Monmouth where he stored them under his mattress and hasn’t looked at since. 

The Barns had been quiet, too quiet, there were no birds in the trees, the cows and chickens were long gone, though Ronan didn’t remember where Declan had once told him they had gone to.

His mother wasn’t singing in the garden, his father wasn’t telling old stories as he fixed something or another while Matthew laughed, trying to help him and Declan rushed out of the house to show them all something he’d been working on and wanted them all to be impressed by.

When Ronan went back to the Barns and turned off the ignition of his car there was complete silence and it felt like the cruel trust of a knife in his heart.

“You don’t have to worry about me going back there” Ronan says finally, pushing himself off the door of his car, “I got what I wanted. Your precious reputation is safe. Nobody will know your brother is a criminal…well not for that reason anyway.”

Declan closes his eyes briefly, probably debating whether or not to confront Ronan on the numerous speeding tickets he no doubt knows all about.

Ronan turns, not really caring to find out what Declan decides and walks back to the front door of Monmouth Manufacturing.

“Go to the church!” Declan calls after him, “They can help you. I know I can’t but I’m sure they can so just try. It’s okay to ask for help Ronan.”

Ronan’s not sure whether that last sentence had anything to do with him seeking advice about the creature he was from the nuns and he doesn’t ask because he knows it would probably infuriate him further. 

“Go to hell” Ronan mutters before opening the door of his real home and slamming it behind him.

All eyes are on him when he storms into the sitting room/Gansey’s bedroom.

Adam and Blue have joined Noah on the floor but Gansey is still sitting in his desk chair, unlike everyone else’s eyes whose are curious, Gansey’s eyes are knowing and worried.

Saying nothing, Ronan strolls into the kitchen/bathroom, grabs a beer from the fridge before walking back into the other room and throws himself back onto the bed, waiting until everyone turns back to the screen, he then lean his head back against the wall and stares at the ceiling.

He doesn’t speak to anyone for the rest of the night and he escapes to his bedroom the minute Adam and Blue leave, knowing Gansey will claim it was rude to leave before they go and could corner him once they’re gone.

Ronan lies down on his own bed, much comfier than Gansey’s in his opinion even though it doesn’t really matter as neither of them actually gets any sleep most nights.

He puts in his earphones and blares music until all he can hear and feel is the thump of the bass in his ears.

Until he can’t feel or think about the weight of his father’s books lying underneath him or Declan’s words of attempted advice from a few hours before.

In the back of his mind, Ronan knows Declan is probably right and the nuns in the church probably would gladly help him but right now Ronan ignores that, loses himself in the music while his body burns with rage.

Sometime later he must have slipped into unconsciousness because when he opens his eyes it’s morning, he grimaces at the loud music still blaring from his earphones that are now tangled on the pillow beside him.

He sits up to unplug them from his phone and that’s when he sees the burnt holes in his duvet cover and lifting up his hands, Ronan finds his fingertips are covered charcoal black.

Ronan grits his teeth and silently admits that perhaps paying the nuns a visit wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.


	3. Sister Máire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Saturday before Halloween and two weeks after his talk with Declan, Ronan gets into his BMW and drives to St. Agnes, blasting music so he doesn’t to think too much about what he’s doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the note at the bottom! Thanks :)

The Saturday before Halloween and two weeks after his talk with Declan, Ronan gets into his BMW and drives to St. Agnes, blasting music so he doesn’t to think too much about what he’s doing.

It’s rather strange that the next day he’ll be at the church again with his brothers just like every Sunday. He never goes to St. Agnes unless it’s with them and they always go to mass on Sunday mornings at 10am, usually arriving there fifteen minutes beforehand to talk to each other before mass starts.

Tomorrow morning Matthew will smile brightly and chat about how his week has been and he’ll pretend everything is fine and that they’re a normal family going to Sunday morning mass.

Ronan will smile genuinely back and listen to Matthew’s tales, agree to go to Matthew’s next soccer match and reply “Not much” when Matthew asks him what he’s been up to.

Declan lets them talk, then he usually stays silent for the duration of the mass, something about being polite and having manners but once church lets out he’ll ask Matthew if he has any tests coming up and how he’s finding Algebra.

Then he’ll turn and reprimand Ronan for not attending enough school that week; heaven only knows how he finds out how much school Ronan attends.

Though for the past two Sundays, Declan has chosen to berate him for not visiting the nuns about his powers instead of what days he accidentally forgets not to attend school.

Again Ronan’s not sure how Declan knows he hasn’t been to see them yet and sometimes Ronan doubts whether Declan is actually really just a human or not.

Perhaps he’s physic, Ronan certainly wouldn’t be surprised. It would explain why Declan looks at him with a hint of disdain sometimes.

And then Declan usually tries to broach the subject of visiting their mother, though he saves this for every second or third week, apparently never eager to hear Ronan’s response which has been the same for the past few months. It’s a topic that never goes over well with Ronan but always does with Matthew.

Ronan loves his mother, there’s no question about that but the last time he went to see her was four months ago and things hadn’t exactly gone smoothly.

He’d lingered in the doorway of her too-white, too-clean room that was now her home as Matthew and Declan stood beside her and began the usual pleasantries.

She spotted him and smiled brighter than she had in over a year and Ronan had automatically smiled back. She called him forwards, her voice hoarse and Ronan blindly walked to her and sat in a stiff chair by her bed.

Ronan held his mother’s small, almost frail hand for over twenty minutes as they talked about everything and nothing. At the same time Matthew and Declan stood back and watched, glad that Ronan finally did more than stand awkwardly in the corner while on these visits.

It was the first time the three Lynch brothers smiled at the same time since before Niall died.

But then Aurora turned to Ronan and called him by his father’s name and Ronan’s heart stopped beating for a second as he realised that she’d thought he was his father the entire time.

He’d taken his hand from hers, kissed her forehead and left without a word. He hasn’t gone back since and according to Matthew and Declan, their mother hasn’t spoken since.

Pulling into the tiny parking lot beside the ancient stone church, Ronan grips the steering wheel and reminds himself that he doesn’t have to think about that today.

Because today is a Saturday, it’s a day to welcome the slight chill in the hot, humid air with open arms and a day he could come to this sacred place without having to worry about what Declan knew or feeling guilty about seeing Matthew’s disappointed face whenever Ronan says he’s too busy to see their mother.

Today he is alone and for the first time that he can remember he’s actually taking Declan’s advice on something.

He gets out of the car and walks up the familiar steps to the church and pushes open the arched door and restrains a flinch at the loud, echoing creak that follows.

Luckily nobody inside seems to notice, there’s an elderly man kneeling at one of the back pews and two priests standing at the altar, talking in hushed tones, seemingly oblivious to his presence.

Ronan makes his way down the aisle, sparing only a glance to the empty pew where he’ll kneel tomorrow morning to pray his sins away and then he walks to the door on the left that he hasn’t gone through since he was a child, knocks twice and then pushes it open.

The room looks just the same as it did when he was seeing it from a much smaller height. The mahogany furniture is still there and it sits on top of the cream carpet that matches oddly with the white and blue floral wallpaper on the walls. 

Sitting at the desk in the centre of the room is Sister Máire who looks up upon hearing the door to her office open and she smiles brightly and Ronan’s secretly glad that her eyes shine with recognition so he doesn’t have to awkwardly explain who he is.

“Ronan Lynch!” Máire says, standing from her chair and making her way around her desk to extend a hand to him, “So lovely to see you again, my, how you’ve grown!”

Ronan forces himself to smile and shake her hand, “Yes well it’s been over two years since you’ve seen me. I’m glad you’re here, I was hoping to talk to you about something.”

Máire nods and ushers him into taking a seat at her desk.

“Tea?” She asks, already walking over to the kettle in the corner of the room.

“No I’m fine thanks” Ronan replies

“I’m making a cup for myself, you sure you don’t want one?”

“Really, I’m fine” Ronan insists

Five minutes later Ronan’s sipping black tea from a small white cup with a chip in the handle and staring at the tempting plate of biscuits Sister Máire had placed in the centre of the table for him to ‘help himself to’.

Sister Máire settles into her cushioned chair again and Ronan feels guilty that his first thought is how much she’s changed since he was a child.

Máire runs the choir and orchestra for the church and has done since before Ronan was born, even before Niall Lynch showed up a half hour away from this town and declared it home.

Aurora Lynch was a talented singer, well, is a talented singer she just doesn’t sing anymore to Ronan’s knowledge. She joined the choir at the St. Agnes church shortly after her and Niall got married.

Ronan remembers her mother commenting on how nice it was to spend time with angels who didn’t judge her and demons that didn’t second guess her or joke that she was a spy.

The nuns at the church just accepted her and in doing so they accepted Ronan who as a child adored accompanying his mother to practises once a week and watching his beloved mother sing hymn after hymn.

Admittedly he probably liked the tea and biscuits that were offered to them afterwards the most but he remembers how happy he was when watching his mother sing.

He also remembers the pride on his father’s face at Sunday morning masses when his wife would sing with her friends or even sing solos on her own because she was so talented. 

Niall would brag about it for the rest of the day and most of the day after but then he started working more, his mother attended less and less practises and in addition so did Ronan.

But he always remembered those days, perched on an old wooden table watching Máire conduct the choir and smiling when she turned back to wink at him.

She’d always been so full of life, maybe that’s why she had always seemed so young to him.

Her hair has turned from grey to white in the past few years and Ronan catches the slight tremor in her hands as she picks up her cup of tea and then puts it back down.

He wants to help her but knows if he tries she might get offended.

Part of him feels guilty annoying her with something he should be figuring out for himself when she’s clearly got a lot on her plate but at least he can blame that on Declan.

He puts down his cup on a coaster and takes one of the plain biscuits offered to him and roughly takes a bite out of it, realising too late as crumps spill into his hand that he should probably be a bit more polite but she’s probably seen him worse when he was younger.

“So,” Máire says when she’s finished a biscuit or two of her own, “How are you Ronan?”

Ronan shrugs, “Fine”

“I’ve seen you at the church a few times at mass”

“My brothers and I are here every Sunday”

Máire smiles, “Your father would have liked that.”

Ronan ignores the twist in his stomach and sits straighter in his chair, “I was wondering if you could help me with my powers.”

Máire raises an eyebrow, “I- well of course, what seems to be the problem? You’re the demon aren’t you?”

There’s not an ounce of judgement or malice in her voice, there isn’t any emotion there at all; she’s just stating a fact.

Her tone isn’t in awe like Gansey’s, wary like Declan’s or slightly unsure like Noah’s whenever they speak of what Ronan is.

Somehow Ronan’s more unsettled by her normality of who he is than everyone else being somewhat disturbed by it, even if they don’t admit it.

“Yes” He says, “But I’ve a bit of trouble controlling my powers and the anger and all of it really. The anger I can get a handle on most of the time but it’s the fire that gets bad. I woke up twice in the last few weeks with soot all over my hands and my bed spread turned to ash. It’s, small sparks of fire like that; they never last long and are unintentional but effective. I just…I want to be able to control it.”

Máire nods in understanding, “Of course, I’m an angel myself so I can’t give any first hand expertise but we have plenty of books in the back and they’re even online nowadays but I still think you can’t beat a good book in your hand myself. Anyway they’re in the backroom, if you like we can go get them and you can borrow them for as long as you need.”

Ronan nods, “That would be great”

He follows her out of the door and they walk through another door behind the altar and walk through it and down a long, narrow corridor.

There’s no wallpaper on these walls, they are just painted a simple white that in Ronan’s opinion could be touched up a bit but he supposes nuns and priests probably see intensive decoration and unnecessary repair as some form of sin, probably nothing near as bad as the sins in Ronan’s mind but a sin is still a sin to these people he guesses.

There are a few thuds on his left and that’s when Ronan notices there’s a stairs hidden away, almost squashed into the wall that you’d have to look twice to see it.

The continued thudding of heavy feat on wood gets louder until a figure comes into sight.

Ronan doesn’t recognise them until the third step from the bottom, when they look up and make direct eye contact with Ronan and they both freeze.

It’s Adam Parrish.

Adam whose blue eyes are wide as he stares at Ronan, his eyebrows raised the tiniest amount that couldn’t have been on purpose and instead of his shoulders tensing as usual, Ronan catches Adam’s whole body tensing as he stares back at him.

Ronan’s too busy looking at Adam in shock that he misses Máire stopping as well and watching them, he only remembers her presence when she smiles and says,

“Oh do you two know each other?”

Adam’s facial expression remains exactly the same so after waiting a minute, Ronan coughs, turns to Máire and says softly,

“Eh yeah, Adam and I,” are friends lingers at his lips but Ronan refuses to let them out, “We go to school together.”

Two more echoing thuds fill the hallway and when Ronan turns, Adam’s at the last step of the stairs, still watching him.

Ronan opens his mouth to say something to him. To ask him something, anything, maybe how does he know Sister Máire when Adam told them last week that he was an atheist and Blue forced a high five out of him?

But no words come out of his mouth. Maybe his brain subconsciously knows whatever comes out will annoy anger or hurt Adam.

Or maybe he’s distracted by the way the light from the stain glass window at the bottom of the corridor shines down on Adam’s dusty brown hair so it almost looks like honey or by Adam’s rough chapped hands gripping the end of the banister as if he’s afraid of what’ll happen if he lets go.

Adam beats him to it to because after Máire makes a small, unsure “That’s nice” comment, he turns to her and smiles a smile that looks a little too tight and that doesn’t change the unknown emotion in his eyes and then without looking at Ronan, he steps onto the ground and hurries past him and Máire.

“Sorry I’ve got to run to work. It was lovely seeing you Máire…and, and Ronan.”

Then he turns his back and walks with very long steps and a brisk pace back the way Ronan and Máire had just come, shutting the door gently behind him and blocking him from Ronan’s sight for another while.

Máire sighs and Ronan tears his eyes away from the door to her to see her smiling fondly.

“He’s such a good boy” She says genuinely and then continues walking down towards the door under the stairwell.

Inside there is a small room filled with books on every surface of the walls and even piled onto the tiny wooden desk and chair in the corner.

Máire walks over to the big bookshelf in the corner that looks like it belongs in an antiques shop with the glass panel doors and shiny brass handles.

Inside it are countless books of all shapes and sizes, all with names such as “The truth behind a demon’s powers”, “How to help a demon accept who they are” but other ones seem more detailed and interesting, such as, “The history behind demons, how their powers became as complex as they are now” and “The different species of demons and the subtle differences between them”.

Some of the book titles, Ronan recognises as some of the books hidden underneath his mattress that he still hasn’t looked at but most of them he hasn’t heard of before and is intrigued by.

Máire gives him two bags filled to the brim with books and if it weren’t for his childhood working on the farm, Ronan would be grimacing in pain at the weight but he barely notices.

“They’re regarded as the most helpful and receive the best recommendations” Máire tells him, gesturing to the books in the bags, “Feel free to keep them as long as you need or pop back and swap them for something else. And if you ever need to talk or need some in person guided advice, I can set up a meeting with one of the nuns or priests here that’s also a demon; they’d be more than happy to help you out.”

Ronan nods and the rational part of his mind knows advice in person would be the best method but he’s never been good at paying attention to teachers and right now his mind has sort of drifted from studying demon mythology from teachers or textbooks.

Instead it’s almost entirely focused on the mystery that is Adam Parrish.

“Thank you for this” Ronan tells Máire sincerely, “I really appreciate this.”

Máire swats her hand in the air and shakes her head, “Don’t worry about it, your mother was a marvellous addition to our choir, such a warm, kind person, I can tell you take after your mother.”

Ronan scoffs under his breath, “I’m not sure about that.”

Máire pats his cheek and smiles, “Maybe you will be sure one day Ronan.”

Ronan’s not sure what to say to that so he merely nods, murmurs a “Goodbye Sister” and hurries out of the room, makes his way down the hallway and church aisle and when he opens the creaky front doors, he’s met with sheets of rain even though the day is still hot and humid.

As he runs to his BMW, cursing under his breath as his favourite black t-shirt gets soaked through, two thoughts ring clear through his mind.

The first is that he hopes none of the books in the bags are damaged by the godawful Virginia October weather.

The second is for some fucking reason a small nagging part of his brain is hoping that Adam Parrish made it to work before the rain came.

Throwing the bags into the backseat as gently as he can, Ronan throws himself into the driver’s seat and sinks into the comfortable, warm, dry seat for a minute to gather his thoughts.

He can’t stop picturing Adam in his head.

Adam cycling to work in the pouring rain; hair flat and damp against his forehead making it difficult for him to see where he’s going.

Adam standing on the staircase in the back corridor of St Agnes, staring at him open-mouthed like a goldfish.

Why was he in St. Agnes? Why was he coming down the stairs? Ronan had spent one or two days every week in that church for several years as a child and never once did he go upstairs, he can’t even recall what’s up there, hell he didn’t even remember there was a staircase there.

So what was Parrish the atheist doing upstairs in a church?

Putting the keys into the ignition and putting his foot on the peddle Ronan knows exactly who will have all the answers to these annoying questions surrounding Adam Parrish that he can’t stop thinking of.

Gansey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so just letting you know that I won't be able to post a chapter for three weeks, I'm going away on a course and won't have access to my laptop or internet. 
> 
> I was wondering if any of you guys wanted to be a beta for this story? I know one or two people have commented on spelling mistakes or thing that might be confusing and while I edit each chapter numerous times I'm still human and miss a few things so I'd appreciate it if anyone wanted to be my beta and edit my chapters before I post them and talk to me about this story and what you'd like to see or just about pynch/trc in general.  
> Anyway if you're interested please comment that you are or better yet send me a message on my tumblr here: [x](http://remusjohnlvpin.tumblr.com)


	4. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah's adorable, Henry's introduced and Ronan and Adam have their first private conversation.

Ronan decides school is the best place to question Gansey about Adam.

Most specifically in school during their free period after lunch, when Gansey, and by addition Ronan always goes to the library to do unnecessary extra credit work.

Ronan would have preferred to do this somewhere a little more private but Noah lives at Monmouth too and Blue or Adam are recently always there as well which is irritably strange seeing as they both have jobs, or two jobs in Adam’s case.

So school would have to do, both Ronan and Gansey share barely any classes with Noah; in Ronan’s case they just share Algebra together where they just pass notes the whole time.

So that’s how Ronan winds up going to school on Monday morning, his mind frustratingly replaying the sickening pleased grin on Declan’s face when Ronan stepped out of his BMW the morning before.

Ronan had just glared in return and bit back a comment about how he wondered if Declan stalks him or called the church every day to see if he’d been to visit yet or maybe even to inquire about the sins he confessed to the priest that day.

Thankfully the library is practically empty when Ronan and Gansey stroll in and take their place at their regular table, it’s at the back of the library because Ronan hates the noise of people coming and going by the door and it’s more secluded back here and Gansey accepts it because the tables are bigger at the back and they’re seated opposite a large window so there’s plenty of light.

Ronan has never claimed to be subtle or particularly patient. He’d guess they’d been in the library for about ten minutes before he abruptly says,

“So what’s the deal with Parrish?”

Gansey doesn’t even look up from where he’s gluing pictures of waste bins onto an Anti-Litter campaign poster that he’s making out of his own free will when he monotony replies,

“What do you want to know?”

Fidgeting with his leather band on his wrist, Ronan thinks for a moment, his fingers moving to drum on the table before he finally sighs loudly.

“I don’t know” He lies, “Nobody seems to know anything about him, where he lives, about his family.”

Gansey’s head tilts up and Ronan’s met with his cool gaze instead of his carefully brushed brown hair from a moment before.

“Not everyone’s family situation is simple Ronan; you know that, maybe he doesn’t want to talk about them. He’s new and we’ve only been friends with him for a week or two, of course we don’t know much about him. We should respect his privacy.”

Ronan folds his arms, slouches further in his chair and then straightens his back again when Gansey gives him an even more disapproving look.

“I get that” Ronan says, looking over at the window across the room and squinting his eyes to try and see if it was drizzling or not just to give himself a distraction before giving up and turning back to Gansey’s eyes, still watching him, “I was just curious is all”

Gansey’s eyes watch him for another moment, somehow Ronan always feels like Gansey’s looking into his soul when he sets his piercing eyes on him and if it were anyone else it would creep him out.

But for some reason it doesn’t when it’s Gansey.

“Blue knows some people in school that were sort of friendly with him when he went there. Blue said she doesn’t remember him much when he was there. But from what she’s heard he was a smart kid that kept his head down. She didn’t think he lives in town though, she said she vaguely remembers him cycling to school every day or at least she thinks it was him, she wasn’t sure.”

Ronan nods, turning back to the window as if that information doesn’t really matter to him which it shouldn’t.

He really shouldn’t care about where Adam Parrish lives; he should respect his privacy or just ask Adam himself what he was doing in St. Agnes the other day.

God, he’s such a creep, if Adam ever found out about this he’d probably think he was stalking him.

Shaking his head, Ronan tries to clear his thoughts.

“You okay?”

Ronan nods and flashes his toothy grin at Gansey, “Just dandy, anyway enough about Parrish, you’re right he’s probably just as boring as we are. Now speaking of boring, since when are you passionate about the environment?”

Gansey glances down at the coloured card on the table and the amusingly cringey taglines on it and opens his mouth, most likely to give Ronan a lecture about how we all need to be more careful about recycling or some shit when loud feet bound over to their table and a too cheery for school voice says,

“Hey, Gansey! Hi, Ronan!”

Ronan and Gansey both turn their heads to the side, Ronan with a scowl and raised eyebrow, Gansey with an interested but guarded smile.

Standing there with a wide grin, bright eyes and tall, spiky gelled black hair is Henry Cheng.

Many people tend to get on Ronan’s nerves, most of the students in Aglionby definitely do but Henry Cheng definitely ranks high on the list of most annoying people in Ronan’s life.

Every single day he prances over to Gansey and says hello to him, Ronan sometimes thinks of dropping a hint that Gansey’s taken but Gansey’s already warned him about being rude to Cheng before so he hasn’t said anything yet.

It’s not like Henry Cheng doesn’t have his own friends, in fact he’s pretty popular and well-liked but just not by Ronan.

One of the first times Henry approached them to greet Gansey and ask him something about rowing club he’d turned to Ronan and asked if it was true that when demons dream, they only dream of hell.

Ronan’s not sure if Henry figured out on his own what Ronan was or if someone told him but his insides had boiled at the time.

On the outside Ronan had merely blinked and dully responded, “If it is true I must be dreaming right now because I’m talking to you.”

Most people would have been offended by that comment but Henry had just laughed.

Ronan offers nothing but a nod of acknowledgement in Henry’s direction before turning away and pulling out a book from his bag, pretending to read it so Henry and Gansey can have a conversation about rowing or homework or the latest political scandal.

He manages to find a page in his history book where he’d started a doodle in class so he continues it until he hears Henry chime his name and he’s forced to turn back to him,

“You’ll come too won’t you Ronan?”

Ronan raises an eyebrow, unaware he was supposed to have been paying attention to this conversation.

But whatever Henry Cheng wants him to go to, Ronan doubts it’ll be anything fun or at least nothing Ronan would enjoy.

“I probably won’t be able to make it.” Ronan replies

Henry doesn’t look surprised and his smile remains clear on his face.

“It won’t be a drag like the one everyone went to last year, I promise. I throw the best parties, they’re legendary you can ask anybody. Good music, good beer, good company, you should definitely stop by with Gansey, and bring your friends!”

Before Ronan can think of whether to make a comeback about Henry’s ‘good’ company or how Henry probably wouldn’t approve of Ronan’s friends, Gansey hurriedly says,

“We’ll all try our best to be there Henry. Thanks for the offer, it’s much appreciated.”

Henry beams back at Gansey, “Brilliant, you have my address! If you forget just send me a quick message on Facebook! Sorry, I’ve got to dash, still a few people who I’ve to tell about the party! See you on Saturday boys!”

Gansey gives a slight wave while Henry launches up from the seat he’d taken beside Gansey and leaves the room.

Ronan glances up from under his eyebrows at Gansey who’s back rearranging the pictures on his coloured card again.

“Are you actually going to go to Cheng’s Halloween party?”

Gansey nods and turns a picture of the recycling symbol over and drags the glue stick in an X motion across the back and then carefully glues the edges before turning it over and sticking it down onto the moss green card.

“Sure, why not.”

“You hate parties. You heard him, music, alcohol; all the things you hate.”

Gansey smiles, “I’m not as much of a stick in the mud as you think Ronan.”

“You’re not a stick in the mud” Ronan grins, shutting his history book with a slam, “You’re just an old professor who hates having fun stuck in the body of a seventeen year old boy.

If Gansey were as immature as Ronan, he’d have shoved Ronan then or even stuck his tongue out at him, but Gansey’s not as immature as Ronan so Gansey just shakes his head,

“It’ll be good to get out and socialise. Henry’s nice, a little enthusiastic yes but he’s nice. I can’t believe you’re turning down a night to go out and listen to blaring music and get pissed.”

Ronan rolls his eyes, “It’ll be shit music and the drink won’t be able to compromise for the shitty company.”

“Hey, I’ll be there! And Henry said dress up is optional but that most people will be dressing up and you know Noah’s going to want to go if there’s an opportunity for a costume. And he’ll want Blue to go and she’ll go anywhere if Noah asks. I’ll probably ask Adam and I doubt he’ll have to work on Halloween so if he’s not studying, he might come. Come on Ronan; it’s the one night I’m not going to lecture you on drinking, are you really going to turn that down?

Ronan lets out an over-exaggerated sigh, knowing he’s already lost.

“Fine but can I drive the pig there?”

“Absolutely not”

“Dammit. Okay but I’m not dressing up.”

Gansey smiles, “That’s fine by me but Noah and Blue might have something to say about it.”

Ronan huffs but smirks a little, “Let them, I’m still not dressing up for Henry Cheng’s stupid Halloween party.”

…

“But Ronan dressing up for Henry Cheng’s stupid Halloween party will be fun!”

Ronan opens his eyes and glares up at the ceiling, realising it is futile trying to ignore the voice screaming to be heard above the raging music blaring from his earphones.

Turning the music off on his phone, he sits up on his bed and looks at Noah standing in the doorway of his room, the face of the voice who’d been screaming at him for the past few minutes.

“Noah, I’ve nothing to dress up as and it’s not really my thing” Ronan says gently, “The party won’t even be my thing; I don’t even know why I agreed to go tonight in the first place.”

Noah grins, “Because you love us and you’ll do anything for us including dressing up. We’re all doing it; it’ll be weird if you don’t.”

Ronan opens his mouth to argue but Noah just walks forward and clambers onto the bottom of his bed, crossing his legs on the duvet and smiles.

“I’ve got old devil horns my sister bought me a few years ago for a prank we pulled. How about you wear them? People are always making devil/demon jokes, it’ll be funny. You can just wear some red or black clothing which is pretty much your entire wardrobe. It wouldn’t really be dressing up it’d be making a joke and making a joke of costumes at that, which makes it even better for you.”

Ronan can’t help the genuine smile that creeps onto his face. Goddamn Noah for knowing him so well and using it to his own advantage. For an angel, Noah’s pretty manipulative but yet still manages to use it for good.

“I suppose if it’s to ridicule the whole idea of a costume then it mightn’t be so bad” Ronan mutters

Noah grins and hops down off the bed, “Brilliant, right I’ll leave you to wallow with your music for a few hours. Though, if you wanted I’m pretty sure I saw some sexy devil outfits in the costume store a few blocks away, you could wear that either-“

Noah’s cut off when the pillow Ronan throws at him smacks him in the face. Laughing and backing towards the door Noah says, “Okay I deserved that, see you later!”

Ronan turns his music back on and settles into his other pillow, closing his eyes and breathing easier than he did ten minutes before.

…

When Ronan walks out after an evening nap a few hours later everyone’s there and almost all in costume.

Gansey’s wearing one of his cashmere dark navy jumpers and his glasses; he’s dressed up as one of the guys from that Drunk History programme and whenever you talk to him he just talks about weird history facts so Ronan makes a mental note to avoid him for the entire night.

Blue is wearing a baby blue skirt with a lilac hem that almost looks like a tutu, her top is black but it’s somehow sparkly and she’s wearing a denim jacket over it with small wings drawn on the back and dock martin boots. Ronan grins on the inside as he realises she’s a pixie and wonders if she choose it partly because he always calls her one.

Adam’s wearing a stained white t-shirt, baggy jeans and greasy overalls, his work attire for Boyd’s mechanics that Ronan’s seen him wear once or twice before Adam’s shift but today he’s got fake blood dripping from his arms, neck and his face is tinted an odd greenish colour.

Adam shrugs when Ronan catches his eye and he says, “I didn’t have a costume so I was just going to be a mechanic but then when I came here Noah sat me down and said it wasn’t a real costume and turned me into a-“

“Zombie mechanic?” Ronan guesses

Adam nods and Ronan makes a noise of approval before turning to Noah who of course looks the best of all of them.

Wearing a simple long white dress and cardigan only a few shades lighter than his pale blonde hair, Noah is the perfect ghost. His eyes are delicately painted with white and pink eyeshadow and his cheeks are coated with something to hide his usual blush and the smudgy scar on his right cheek from a skateboarding incident a few years before.

Tonight Noah puts every single kid who ever used an old sheet as a ghost costume for Halloween to shame.

“Okay?” Noah mouths; glancing down at his own costume before looking back up at Ronan with uncertainty in his eyes.

Ronan tries to smile as genuinely as he can so Noah believes him and he mouths back, “Yeah, okay”.

Noah grins and then turns to the others, “What do you think of Ronan’s costume? Isn’t it brilliant?”

Wearing his skinny black jeans, a plain blood-red t-shirt and his black leather jacket, Ronan doesn’t really look any different than normal expect for the sparkly red devil horns on his head.

Ronan’s eyes widen when Noah opens his mouth, likely to explain the genius behind his idea for Ronan’s costume.

“Ah it’s nothing” Ronan quickly intervenes, staring with wide, forceful eyes at the side of Noah’s head, hoping he’ll get the message.

Noah turns back, honest confusion in his eyes and frowns, “Yeah but it’s-“

Ronan lets his eyes dart for a second to where Blue and Adam are standing by the kitchen/bathroom door and thankfully Noah understands.

“It’s just cute” Noah continues, nodding once at Ronan before turning back to the others again, grin back on his face like nothing happened, “I thought it’d be funny because Ronan’s such a good, wholesome soul if we dressed him up as the opposite.”

Gansey and Blue both snort at the same time so Ronan makes a face at them.

“You’re right Noah, next year I should dress up as God, my true form.” Ronan says longingly.

Adam snorts this time, though it could have been a laugh, Ronan doesn’t let himself look over at Adam to find out though.

Noah does laugh though and then grabs his arm and pushes him towards the door,

“Right I look forward to it Ronan, now come on, everybody out! We’ve a party to get to! Let’s go have fun!”

…

Over three hours later, Ronan wanders out into the Cheng backyard to escape the people inside.

Henry Cheng’s house is a mansion, not that Ronan’s surprised, he’d heard Henry came from wealthy parents who were never in town and yes had heard about a few of his popular parties but had never been bothered to go to them himself.

The party tonight was admittedly alright, the music was shit but the beer was great, which was a rarity at teen parties so Ronan took what he could get.

He talked with Gansey and Blue for a bit at the beginning, danced with Noah and even exchanged a few words with Henry who’d dressed as an ancient Roman for the night but when he saw Gansey and Blue making out in the corner, Ronan knew he needed a breather and decided to head outside.

The garden was pretty big with perfectly trimmed hedges and booming flowerpots and rosebushes even though it’s October, well Ronan’s pretty sure they past midnight a while ago so technically it’s November now.

He walks for a minute or so, not exactly walking in a straight line due to the alcohol he’s consumed already tonight and then he spots a hammock seater beside a mini fountain in the middle of the garden and sitting on the seater is none other than Adam Parrish.

Adam Parrish sitting with his elbows on his knees and holding an unopened can of beer so tenderly in his hands that Ronan prepares himself for it to slip and crash onto the stones below but it doesn’t happen.

The green face paint on his skin isn’t as clear as it was when they first arrived and Ronan’s kind of glad for that, Adam’s natural skin is much nicer to look at than the cheap green face paint that Noah had found from one of his old art projects.

Adam’s eyes are fixated on the water fountain and how the water flows upwards in a spiral motion every few seconds before reversing and then starting again so when Ronan takes a seat next to him, making sure to leave a good bit of distance between them in case the beer can does fall, Adam jumps half an inch into the air, thankfully gripping the beer can tighter instead of letting it fall to the ground.

“Some warning might be nice Lynch.” Adam says, relaxing slightly when he sees it’s only Ronan who came to join him.

“Sorry” Ronan responses, letting his voice come out a little more light and teasing than usual

Adam watches him for a moment but Ronan’s not able to read the emotions on his face so he turns away and stares at the fountain and after a minute or two, he feels Adam’s eyes leave him to do the same.

“Enjoying the party?” Adam asks him an unknown amount of time later

Ronan takes a sip from his half empty beer and shrugs, “It’s alright; I’m not really a party goer so,”

Adam nods, eyes still on the water, “Yeah, me either.”

The words fall past Ronan’s lips before he can stop them,

“So just who are you then, Parrish?”

Adam doesn’t reply and Ronan doesn’t ask again.

Soon afterwards, two girls pass by in matching Ghostbusters outfits; Ronan doesn’t recognise them but their voices are loud above the dim thumb of the music from the Cheng house and he can’t help but hear pieces of their conversation even though he really doesn’t want to.

“Yeah and I talked to a good few guys from Aglionby tonight and a few of them are actually really nice.”

“Yeah Henry was really welcoming and his friends all seem lovely, I’m not sure about that guy he was really chummy with though, the one with the glasses?”

“Oh the guy who tried to tell us fascinating facts about Queen Mary of Scotland?”

“Yeah, he seemed pretty drunk and his girlfriend wasn’t helping she was just in hysterics laughing at him.”

“It was rather amusing; oh you know who else I was talking to…”

The girls’ voices drift away when they turn the corner and Ronan lets out the laugh he’d been holding ever since the girls mentioned the weird drunk guy who was clearly Gansey who was probably not drunk at all.

Adam chuckles too but his eyes are fixed on Ronan and when Ronan stops laughing, Adam has his head tilted to the side and is watching him with a calm, curious expression.

“What?” Ronan asks frowning

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you laugh in the two months I’ve known you” Adam says quietly, “So maybe the question should be who are you.”

Ronan stares back at Adam, feet planted firmly on the ground, his hands clenching his beer can and the only movement he makes for a few minutes is blinking.

He knows he should walk away, storm off, maybe crash his beer can with his fist in anger or frustration but instead Ronan simply makes a noise in the back of his throat of slight affirmation and says, “Maybe”.

They both silently and unanimously turn back to watch the water, Ronan finishes his beer and Adam continues to gently hold his unopened one

…

The sound of his bright, happy voice calling his name is what alerts Ronan to Noah’s sudden presence in the garden.

Noah stumbles over to where Adam and Ronan are still silently sitting on the garden seater hammock and from the wide grin on his face, the sudden flush in his powdered cheeks and the coo in his voice Ronan can instantly tell that Noah is tipsy, or maybe a little more than tipsy.

Noah plops down in between Adam and Ronan and Ronan inches closer to the edge and knows Adam’s doing the same on his side, this thing really wasn’t made for three fully grown teenage boys but none of them seem to care about the uncomfortableness of it.

Leaning his head onto Ronan’s shoulder, Noah closes his eyes and whines, “Ro, I’m tired.”

Ronan gently moves Noah’s head off of his shoulder and says, “How about we go home then?”

Noah nods sleepily and the two of them stand, Ronan dropping his beer can to the ground and using his hands to help steer a slightly swaying Noah.

Adam stands too and grabs Ronan’s shoulder, causing Ronan to repress a shiver.

“How are you going to get home?”

Ronan raises an eyebrow at him; he’d thought Parrish was supposed to be smart.

“Gansey? And if not with him then we’ll walk or I’ll break into the pig and drive us home myself.”

Adam’s lips twitch and his eyebrows furrow as if he can’t tell if Ronan’s serious about the last bit or not and Ronan’s not going to satisfy him with an answer.

“Just wait here for a minute, okay?”

Ronan nods and so does Noah albeit a bit sleepily. Adam turns on his heel and walks back in the direction of the house and the thudding, booming music playing whatever trash is on the radio nowadays.

Ronan and Noah sit down again, Noah’s head dropping once more to Ronan’s shoulder and this time Ronan doesn’t push him away.

It’s a good five minutes before Adam returns but when he does, he’s got the keys of Gansey’s Camaro in his hands.

“Sorry, it took me a while to find Gansey, he and Blue were playing cards with Henry and a few of his friends. I think they’re going to stay here for a while, Blue said they’d get an Uber later and Henry said they could stay in one of the spare rooms if they like so they’re fine. Gansey said we can take the pig to go home but that I’ve to drive. I said I’d leave it at Monmouth, my bike’s there anyway. That suit you guys?”

Noah tilts his head up and down and whispers, “Sure Adam” and Ronan just nods.

They stand; Noah taking a minute to step forward and wrap his arms around Adam and murmuring a, “Thanks” into is shoulder that Ronan barely hears as it’s so muffled.

Adam’s eyes widen in shock and he doesn’t get a chance to return the hug before Noah pulls away.

Ronan coughs to cover up a laugh at the stunned expression on Adam’s face.

“Eh, no problem” Adam mutters in reply to Noah, quickly backing away and then together the three of them walk out through the side gate of the house, thankfully escaping having to make their way through the throngs of people still inside even though it’s after 2am.

The car ride is silent, Adam’s a good but extremely careful driver so it takes longer to get home than it did to get there and Ronan might be annoyed at the slow pace as he usually is with Gansey if he weren’t so tired himself.

Noah falls asleep before they reach home and neither Adam nor Ronan have anything to say so they both keep their eyes on the road and keep their thoughts to themselves.

When they reach Monmouth, Ronan gently half-carries Noah out of the car, he’s awake now but just barely. They stand with Noah’s arm around Ronan’s waist and his body leaning against Ronan’s side but Ronan doesn’t mind, Noah’s not heavy anyway.

Adam gets out of the car quickly, locks it and then places the keys in Noah’s hands, Ronan doesn’t have to ask to know it’s because Gansey warned him not to give the keys to Ronan.

Ronan looks at Adam for a moment and then mutters a quiet, “Thanks and Happy Halloween, Parrish” before he turns around and helps Noah inside.

Just before he closes the front door completely he stops, watches until Adam has gotten on his bike that had been safety locked by the wall and cycled down the road and around the corner out of sight before shutting it fully.

He doesn’t let himself think about why he stopped and waited to see that Parrish made it to at least the end of the road safely.

He looks into Noah’s room to see him completely passed out but tucked up in bed before he goes into his own room.

When he’s there, Ronan throws himself onto his bed, turns on his music again to the loudest volume, puts in his earphones and tries to forget the way the moon reflected the blue in Adam Parrish’s eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long as I explained in the last chapter, I was away for a few weeks. 
> 
> I'm sorry for any mistakes in this chapter, I'd to write and edit this in one day because I'm leaving again tomorrow and now it's super late and I still have to pack whoops. I'm also still betaless so if anyone is interested in being my beta, comment or message me on tumblr here: [x](http://remusjohnlvpin.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Anyway thanks for reading, I'll probably post a new chapter next week, thanks for being so patient over the past few weeks! See you guys soon!


	5. Kavinsky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The introduction to Joseph Kavinsky, a conversation in McDonald's with Matthew that doesn't turn out the way Ronan had anticipated and a car ride with someone unexpected.

Ronan’s not sure who invented algebra but he’d guess that if they were still alive today, Ronan wouldn’t like them very much. In fact he’d be more than tempted to run them over with his BMW.

It’s a Wednesday, or maybe a Thursday, right now Ronan’s brain is too fried by equations to remember. But tonight he decided he’d make an effort and try to do some of his homework.

He accidentally charred one pencil by squeezing it too tight after the first half an hour so that proves that homework just isn’t for him.

Maybe his lack of concentration and understanding of his homework has something to do with the fact that he hadn’t started it until 1am.

But now it’s half 3 and he’d only managed to complete 12 out of 20 equations and he knows the last five he did are incorrect because he didn’t get any of the multiple choice answers given in the textbook.

Ronan rubs his eyes, circles random letters for answers on the last few questions and then shoves the textbook across the desk and cringes when it ends up crashing to the floor with a large thud.

He waits a minute, then another but neither Noah nor Gansey come in to berate him for the noise.

Walking over to his bed, Ronan sits on the edge and then reaches underneath to take out the bag Sister Máire had given him over a week ago that he hasn’t taken out since the day he came home and shoved it under his bed.

He takes out one that sits heavy in his hand and has small patches of dust on the now-dirty yellow cover with the faded title Ronan might have been able to make out if his desk lamp hadn’t such poor lightning and his eyes weren’t so weak.

Flicking through the pages, he finally comes onto the chapter he needs the most, controlling your powers as a demon.

Settling against his bedpost with the book resting on top of his knees which are pulled tight to his chest, he does something he hasn’t done in a while and actually tries to focus on a book and read.

‘Demons are sometimes stereotyped as being out of control by the humans of our world and while some demons find it difficult to control their temper or powers, most demons can find it relatively easy.

To those who don’t, there are many calming exercises you can do to help gain control of your body and relax your mind.

Meditation is the first method that should be used when a demon feels out of control.

This can be difficult in the middle of an argument or moment of frustration so we advise young demons to focus on controlling their breathing in times like these.

Close your eyes, breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds and then slowly breathe out for eight seconds.

This will calm your body, your mind and any anxiety or fire building underneath your skin.

Some demons use drugs or other illegal supplements to have a more direct control on their powers but this has been scientifically proven to be worse for the demon themselves in the long run. They get addicted to the drug and can’t control their powers or anger without it so this is why we recommend the natural and more effective methods.

It’s also important to remember that it’s much easier to remain in control when you’ve gotten enough sleep, don’t drink excessive amounts of alcohol and stay relatively fit and healthy.

If you try these methods and still have difficulty gaining control, we advise you to talk to a doctor or other type of professional. They may have a better option that will suit you personally.’

Ronan shuts the book with an echoing slam and stands, throwing it on his bed and letting out a deep frustrated breath.

His body was shaking; he closes his eyes and tries to remember what the book said.

He’s not exactly going to start yoga or Tai-Chi classes but he might try the breathing thing.

Grabbing his leather jacket that hangs off the back of his chair, Ronan checks his car keys are inside the small pocket of it before throwing the jacket on and walking to his bedroom door and opening it slowly.

It’s past 3am but Gansey’s bed is empty and Ronan can hear his whispered voice in the kitchen talking on the phone, Ronan clenches his jaw and knows exactly who he’s talking to.

Knowing Gansey won’t like where he’s going and deciding right now he doesn’t care, Ronan sticks his hands in his pockets, wraps his clammy hands tight around his keys and turns his back to the kitchen/bathroom and makes his way towards the front door.

He shuts it quietly behind him, knowing even if Gansey’s still up, Noah’s probably fast asleep.

The night air is cool and windy and the hairs on Ronan’s arms rise underneath his jacket but Ronan finds it welcoming.

He steps into the driver’s seat of his BMW, closes the door behind him and smiles when his hands clutch the cushioned steering wheel.

He’d been in this car a few days ago but not like this.

Then it had been to go to the grocery store with Noah because they were both craving ice-cream.

Now, he was driving for the very reason he learned to in the first place, to lose himself and block out his thoughts until there was nothing but a loud engine and red and blue lights flashing behind him.

Though hopefully he can avoid the cops tonight; they’re nothing but a nuisance and there isn’t a lot of space left on the wall of fame filled with his speeding tickets in his room.

Shoving the keys into the ignition and twisting them, Ronan smiles brighter than he has in days when his beloved car roars to life. 

And then he’s pulling out of Monmouth Manufacturing and speeding down the road, turning the corner and driving faster with every second that passes.

He hears his own heartbeat thump in his ears but other than that it’s just the sound of his car and the quiet stillness of the night around him. Pulling down the window, Ronan leans his elbow on the door and allows the force of the wind to hit him.

This is what being alive feels like.

Not trudging to school to work for a college he’ll never go to. Not kneeling in church and praying God will let him into heaven even though he’s the embodiment of the world’s worst sinner. Not even when flames shoot from his palms and cause destruction to something in front of him.

Nothing feels like this.

In fact there are few things in Ronan’s life that even come close.

Seeing Matthew’s smile, hearing Noah’s laugh, the delicate brush of Gansey’s knuckles against his shoulder and even if he were really to think about it Ronan would have to include Blue’s teasing comebacks and watching Adam’s shoulders fall and his body relax for once.

Those things are rare and tangible; Ronan has to remind himself that he can’t count on all of them to be around forever. His father wasn’t, his mother wasn’t, the Barns was taken from him and Declan tries to be there for him in his own way but they’ll never be as close as Ronan used to wish for them to be, the way Declan wants them to be now.

But at least he has this car, this feeling of invincibility that he never needed drugs for, that alcohol is nothing but a poor substitute for.

This keeps Ronan Lynch alive more than any food or water ever could.

He drives around every inch of Henrietta, from the fields on the edge of town to the trailer park by the east, past the Cabeswater forest with a hundred legends within it and through the blurred green lights in the dead town. 

He doesn’t realise where he’s driving to until he pulls into the driveway of the white three-story house covered in overgrown ivy.

Ronan stops the car and closes his eyes.

Everything inside of him screams at him to leave, Gansey’s voice softly begs him to come home from the back of his mind but as much as Ronan wants to listen to him. He just can’t.

Maybe if he can control his powers, that’ll make him feel alive too.

It did for his dad.

Niall Lynch loved using his powers; Ronan remembers the pictures his father would make out of fire to entertain him as a child.

His mother would be standing close by, terrified the fire would get out of control or Ronan would recklessly try and touch it but nothing ever happened. Ronan was always safe around his father’s fire.

But he was never safe with his own flames and nobody around him would be either unless he learned to get it under control.

And meditation, yoga and careful breathing are all well and good but he needs something else, something more, something to guide him, someone who can act as a witness in case he sets himself on fire.

Ronan grits his teeth and pushes his hand forcefully against the horn twice, the sound loud and wrong in the late of night but Ronan doesn’t open his eyes to see if there’s anyone around to complain.

Five minutes pass and then the front door of the house slams shut, uncaring of the noise pollution at this late hour and their sleeping neighbours.

He’s not exactly been quiet either speeding around town in his fancy car and Ronan swallows at the realisation that’s it’s just another tiny thing they’ve got in common that Ronan wishes they didn’t.

Joseph Kavinsky pulls the door of Ronan’s passenger seat open and jumps into the seat with both feet, slamming the door behind him.

Wearing baggy black sweatpants, a plain white t-shirt with faint sprinkles of red and orange soaked into it and a new tattoo on his left bicep that says something in what Ronan thinks is Japanese, which he knows Kavinsky is fluent in.

Knowing Kavinsky the tattoo is probably of a swear word or a heavy metal lyric.

Kavinsky turns to him while Ronan keeps his eyes on the windshield, but he can still catch Kavinsky’s smirk that’s more teeth than lips.

“Damn, if I’d known it was you Lynch I’d have dressed up a bit more.”

Ronan checks the rear-view mirror before silently backing out of the driveway and speeding down the road a little faster than he’d been driving before.

“How’d you even know I’d be home anyway?” Kavinsky continues; his voice low and leering “I could’ve been out with my latest boy-toy tonight. You should really text next time, I mightn’t be free.”

Ronan snorts even though he doesn’t find Kavinsky’s comment funny.

“First of all, you always bring your ‘boy-toys’ back to your place, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d just left one back there. Second of all, I don’t use my phone to text anyone and certainly not you.”

Kavinsky laughs the only way he does anything, loudly “You’re always so high and mighty Lynch which is ironic seeing as it was you who came to me tonight. You just need to loosen up a bit…”

Ronan swats the hand on his thigh away sharply, “I’m not one of them K.”

“No you’re better than them. You’re real.”

Ronan doesn’t understand what Kavinsky means when he says he’s real but he’s not going to get sucked into this conversation again.

Fire burns underneath his skin and his nails dig into the steering wheel as they turn around a sharp bend which causes Kavinsky to laugh.

“So where the fuck are we going Lynch?”

Ronan’s not sure but he still says, “Shut up, you’ll see when we get there.”

“Oooh feisty” Kavinsky says and vomit rises in Ronan’s throat but Kavinsky doesn’t touch him or say anything more so Ronan stays silent.

Shortly afterwards, Ronan stops the car and puts the keys immediately back in his pocket, not trusting to leave them in Kavinsky’s line of sight for too long. He briefly wonders if that’s how Gansey feels with the keys to his pig around Ronan. 

Ronan opens his door and gets out, says roughly “Come on” to Kavinsky before shutting the door, feeling a little better at slamming it now that they’re away from their sleeping neighbours on the other side of Henrietta.

Kavinsky frowns as he steps out of the car but instead of closing the door instantly, he hangs his arm across it and raises his eyebrow, “Where are we?”

“A park”

Kavinsky raises his eyebrows, “I’m surprised you know such a pure place.”

Ronan narrows his eyes, “It’s not for kids, and God knows I wouldn’t bring you to such a place, it’s just a clearing.”

Kavinsky finally shuts the car door and Ronan instantly locks it.

“So what are we doing here then?” Kavinsky sighs, his eyes displaying significantly less interest than when Ronan picked him up.

“Training”

Kavinsky scoffs, “Are we entering a marathon you forgot to tell me about?”

Ronan rolls his eyes and walks further away from his car to get some distance between them and it so it doesn’t get injured in what’s about to take place.

“I want to practise using my powers. I want to be able to control them like you do.”

Kavinsky grins, his eyes crinkling with pure, unsettling joy.

“Oh honey, you should have just asked.” Kavinsky reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out two red and white pills.

Ronan steps back, his stomach twisting in disgust, “No.”

Kavinsky chuckles, “You just said you wanted to control yourself like I do. This is the only way.”

Ronan clenches his fists, fighting down the anger building up inside him,

“It’s not my way.”

Kavinsky tilts his head to the side and Ronan watches as his eyes drop to Ronan’s fists and up along his arms and then finally they reach his eyes again.

“You’re angry.” Kavinsky states

Ronan grits his teeth, “I’m always angry.”

“You just need to channel your anger. Focus on what’s pissing you off and destroy it.”

Ronan cocks an eyebrow, “You want me to destroy you?”

Kavinsky smiles sarcastically and puts the pills back in his pocket, “Don’t be funny Ronan it doesn’t suit you. Come on. I’ll show you a few tricks the old fashion way if you insist.”

An hour later they’re on the other side of the clearing, standing to the side and channelling their powers forward into the empty space.

So far Ronan’s only either been able to create sudden but fickle bursts of flames or short, pathetic soot flying out of his hand only to fall to the grass inches away from him.

“You need to stand in an attack stance.” Kavinsky orders, standing facing Ronan but his head and his arms twisted to the left, “It’s the best way to ensure your flames will hit your target quickly so they don’t have time to get away.”

Ronan tries not to think about just who Kavinsky has used these attack stances on.

Taking a deep breath, Ronan closes his eyes and remembers what the book said.

He breathes in for four seconds, holds it for seven and then breathes out for eight. He does it again but then loses count. Clenching his fist, he tries again but loses count again when breathing in on the third try.

Ronan huffs in the back of his throat but it sounds more like a growl to his ears; something that makes Kavinsky smirk.

“Alright Lynch, try again. Aim for those branches over there.”

Ronan straightens his back and feels the kick to his pride at being spoken at like a dog but follows Kavinsky’s orders anyway.

They move back to the edge of the clearing, close to where Ronan parked his car, where a field of trees stand proud and glorious. Ronan closes his eyes again and hears the whistle of the wind against the multi-coloured leaves and he remembers how he used to hate this time of year as a child.

The trees would lose their leaves and suddenly everything would be left bare and cold. Now that Ronan’s left bare and cold too, he can see why his childhood self would have disliked it but he thinks if his childhood self could seem him now he wouldn’t be saddened like he was when he saw the trees this way, he’d simply be terrified of what he’d become.

Ronan shakes his head, frowning so much he can feel the creases in his own forehead.

Focus, he tells himself, focus.

So he does, he stares at the pile of branches in front of him. Stares at them so hard that alone could set them alight but it doesn’t.

He turns his stance ninety degrees and then turns his head and arms back to the left just like Kavinsky had done.

He blinks once, feels the heat rise to the lines on his palms, blinks twice and wills his body to shoot the flames forwards.

It works, a river of fire shoots from his hands like a bullet from a gun and lands on its target but instead of the branches sizzling softly and then going out as Ronan had pictured when he shot the flames, the branches turn a bright orange and then the flame rises until it’s double the size of what the branches were.

Ronan turns to run back to his car but then as quick as it grew, the fire shrinks back to the branches until the orange and red flames turn black and then into grey ash.

Eyes wide, Ronan stares at what had just been a strong pile of branches, then a raging fire but is now just ash.

Kavinsky sighs heavily in disappointment and walks past him, casting an almost pitying look at him from over his shoulder.

“If you wanted to cause destruction, you could’ve just started with that.”

Ronan shakes his head and opens his mouth to say that’s not what he wanted but before he gets the chance, Kavinsky has turned towards the front line of trees, took his stance in front of one that juts out in front of the others and then breathes in.

In a second, a thin but raging line of fire flows from his fingertips and flies straight through the air to the bark of the giant oak tree.

Ronan’s mouth drops open as he watches the fire envelop around the thick bark of the tree and makes its way up and up and up until it reaches the branches and the orange flames meet the few orange leaves still clinging to the tree and destroys them.

Ronan swallows and stumbles back twice, almost tripping over his own feet in doing so and then he’s turning and fleeing to his car, the cackling fire roaring behind him and Kavinsky’s laughter ringing in his ears.

He races to his car that’s thankfully close to where the destruction just occurred and grabs the fire extinguisher that he’d put in the boot in case he’d caused an emergency and needed it.

Kavinsky’s still standing proudly gazing at his artwork when Ronan returns and doesn’t notice him until Ronan barrels into him in a rush to get past him in order to put the fire out.

One good thing about demon fires, if you put them out where they started, the whole fire will go out itself. Cutting it off from the source, it’s like if you pluck an angel’s feather from the core of their wings, their wings will never work again.

After the foam has been released and the flames have faded into the night sky, Ronan stands back in shock and looks at the damage that’s been done.

The leaves are all dead and gone now but not naturally like they would’ve been in a few days’ time if Ronan hadn’t brought Kavinsky here tonight.

Ronan’s stomach twists in guilt, harder than when he snuck out of his own house an hour and a half before and more painfully than when he was unapologetically loud speeding through the sleeping night of Henrietta, uncaring of who he woke up in his adolescent annoyance.

Turning on his heel, Ronan stares down a blank looking Kavinsky.

“What the fucking hell was that?”

“It was me showing you how it’s done” Kavinsky replies simply

“You didn’t have to kill a living thing to do that.” Ronan hisses

He didn’t realise how angry he was until he heard the rage in his voice but Kavinsky just laughs.

Kavinsky laughs like he just heard a child say something ridiculous that couldn’t possibly be true but he wanted to pretend to indulge them. Kavinsky always acted like everyone around him was inferior to him and Ronan’s just now realising how much he despises that.

“Ronan, it was just a tree.”

Ronan clenches his jaw, the scent of smoke still etching its way into his lungs, so much so that everything in him aches to cough but he won’t. He won’t show weakness in front of Kavinsky, not like this.

Turning, Ronan walks away, ignoring Kavinsky yelling at him demanding to know where he’s going and he clutches the now empty fire extinguisher in his hand and leaves Kavinsky behind standing alone in the clearing surrounded by their destruction.

…

Ronan doesn’t use his powers or even let himself think about them for another week.

It’s the following Friday and Aglionby Acadamy has a half day for some reason that Ronan doesn’t care about so he decided to take his brother out to lunch.

Matthew of course, not Declan.

It’s actually quite nice. Matthew insists on going to McDonald’s because he’s Matthew and still acts like he’s seven.

They both get wraps and Ronan sits back in his booth and happily listens to Matthew chat about the school soccer team and the latest additions to it and Matthew thinks he’ll become close friends with a few of them.

Ronan bites back the stereotypical mom answer of “Well of course, they’d be lucky to have a friend like you.” And instead simply offers a nod and nonchalant, “Cool” in response.

“So how are things with you?” Matthew asks taking a long sip from his Coke and then putting the drink back down on the table, “And don’t just say you’re fine like you always do, I genuinely want to know.”

If it were anyone else Ronan would sigh but it’s Matthew so he smiles.

“I’m doing okay. School’s…well school’s not my thing but it’s alright-“

“When you show up.” Matthew adds, grinning knowingly

Ronan kicks him gently under the table, “Yeah alright when I show up but that doesn’t mean you can slack off just because I do.”

“Yeah, yeah I know. How are your friends? Is Gansey good?”

“Gansey’s fine. Head over heels with our new friend Blue but hasn’t made a move yet. Or at least I don’t think so. It’s hard to tell with them.”

“And Noah?”

Ronan smiles, “Noah’s good, happy, I think he’s got some skateboarding competition or rally or something coming up so he’s down at the skate-park practising for that a lot of the time and then coming home to annoy me the rest.”

“And Adam?”

Ronan raises an eyebrow but Matthew only shrugs and says, “I don’t know, I’ve seen him sitting with you and your friends at school when you bother to come and he sits with the others when you’re not there as well.”

“You’re stalking me now?” Ronan asks, picking up a multiple of fries and popping them into his mouth, “I thought it was my job to stalk you.”

Matthew rolls his eyes, “We go to the same school plus it’s hard not to notice Gansey, everyone always turns and makes way for him when he walks by like he’s the king.”

Ronan snorts, “Yeah that’s true.”

Matthew raises his eyebrows, “So? Adam?”

Shrugging, Ronan replies, “I don’t know, he’s fine I guess; he works a lot.”

“He moved here this year yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“He seems nice.”

“How would you know?”

Matthew swallows down a bite before answering, “My bag burst a few weeks ago in the hallway and he stopped and helped me pick up my things. Then he brought them to my locker for me because I couldn’t carry them all.”

Ronan tries not to let the surprise show on his face, he’s not surprised that Adam would be that kind, definitely not, he’s just surprised that neither Matthew nor Adam mentioned it before.

“I told you that bag was useless” Ronan says instead

Matthew sighs longingly, “Yeah but it looked cool.”

Ronan throws his eyes up to heaven, “You can’t just buy things because they look cool Matthew.”

Matthew looks at Ronan, then down at the leather jacket Ronan’s wearing and then back at Ronan’s face again before giving him a look. 

Ronan touches his jacket defensively, “I bought this because it’s practical.”

Matthew snorts, “Sure”

“I did!”

“Whatever Ro”

Ronan can’t help but smile and takes a few bites of his wrap in an effort to hide it.

“So,” Matthew starts slowly a few minutes later when they’re almost done, “I think I’m going to visit mum on Sunday. Would you like to come?”

Ronan feels his body stiffen and he looks down and tidies up the napkins onto the tray just to give his hands something to do,

“I don’t think I can this weekend.”

Matthew clenches his jaw and his eyes are fierce and Ronan feels a pang of unease because he knows that look, he has that look, it means he’s going to say something important and Ronan probably won’t like what it is.

“You always say that. Or that you’ll think about it or you’re too busy. Mum needs us right now Ronan and she really needs you.”

Ronan resists saying that she doesn’t need him, she needs their dad.

“Just, please think about it.” Matthew pleads, his eyes wide and staring into Ronan’s soul “Genuinely think about it; for me. I haven’t said a word to Declan, just you and me can go, I promise. Please just think about it?”

Ronan forces himself to keep looking into Matthew’s eyes and despite his natural instinct to say no, he can never deny Matthew anything so he says, “Alright”

But after they part ways fifteen minutes later, Ronan definitely doesn’t feel alright.

He’s burning, his legs feel numb as if he’s just been driving for five hours straight, his throat is dry and his hands feel like hot tea has just been spilled all over them.

He wants to throw something, set something on fire, ruin something.

His mind flashes back to the burning tree from last week and suddenly Ronan can understand why Kavinsky would do such a disturbing act.

Right now he’d do anything to get rid of the burning pain in his veins.

His feet carry him in the direction of Kavinsky’s but his mind is far away.

Maybe he’ll try some of the drugs that Kavinsky’s always trying to push on him. They could work. They work for Kavinsky and he’s always in control and at the end of the day isn’t that what Ronan truly wants?

Or maybe Ronan will just have Kavinsky himself, seeing as Kavinsky’s been throwing himself at him more than the drugs recently.

Ronan turns the corner onto Kavinsky’s road when he physically bumps into someone, snapping him out of his whirlwind thoughts.

Stepping back, Ronan opens his mouth and words of rage pass his lips before he knows what he’s going to say or whose fault it is.

“Watch where you’re fucking going; Jesus fucking Christ. How hard is it to just look where you’re walking and not almost knock people over in the middle of the mother fucking street?”

It’s only when he stops his rant and his eyes and throat cease their burning that Ronan realises it’s Henry Cheng who’s standing in front of him.

Henry Cheng, who is just standing there and staring at him.

Ronan breathes heavily as Henry looks him up and down, analysing his shaking legs, his trembling fists and his eyes which are narrowed but Ronan knows they don’t look angry because he’s not actually angry; at least not at Henry.

Henry steps back to put some space between them and with each step Ronan feels like he can breathe easier.

“Are you okay?” Henry asks softly after a few minutes.

Ronan’s jaw is clenched tight and he can’t seem to unwind it so he just nods.

Henry points past Ronan, “My car’s just up there; I can give you a lift if you want?”

A refusal is on the tip of Ronan’s tongue and his eyes drift unwillingly to the roof of Kavinsky’s house that he can just about see over the carefully trimmed hedges of his neighbour’s mansion. 

Henry’s eyes follow his and his body stiffens with realisation but the calm mask on his face remains the same.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know?”

Ronan’s not sure if Henry is talking about Ronan getting a lift with him or Ronan going to Kavinsky’s.

The thought of it being the later makes his throat dry and everything tangle even more in his mind

This is the first time the two of them have spoken alone so it’s extremely unsettling to Ronan that Henry could read him so well given how little they know about each other.

The truth is he never thinks about if he wants to go to Kavinsky’s because he knows he never wants to.

Kavinsky is his own type of drug, just like the racing and the drinking. He’s a distraction, one tiny thing about him is something Ronan finds comforting, the fact that they’re the same so he clings to that and forgets everything else that he despises about Kavinsky.

Ronan closes his eyes and remembers the glee on Kavinsky’s face when that tree was captured by flames in the clearing. It wasn’t the act that was so disturbing or the clear disinterest in how he had almost started a mini forest fire; it had been the look on his face when he did it.

Ronan doesn’t want to go to Kavinsky’s. He doesn’t want drugs or sex or anything else Kavinsky has to offer him.

He does want to learn to control his powers. Control them so he doesn’t cause destruction to everything in his wake.

But after the other night, Ronan knows Kavinsky’s not going to help him do that, Kavinsky wants Ronan to be as out of control as he is, with or without drugs in his system.

And that’s not what Ronan wants, not at all.

“Actually” Ronan says; his voice surprisingly hoarse from yelling at Henry only a few seconds ago, “A lift home wouldn’t be entirely awful, if you’re going that way.”

Henry smiles and Ronan’s worried for a minute that he’ll question Ronan about his change of heart or about his relationship with Kavinsky or worse about why he just ridiculously erupted at him but Henry just walks past him, fiddling with his keys and shouts a, “Well, come on then!” over his shoulder at him.

Ronan swallows and follows, wondering if he’s completely lost his mind and then deciding that he probably did a long time ago.

Ronan expected their ride to Monmouth Manufacturing to be silent but it isn’t. Ronan gives directions and he’s actually surprised that Henry, who seems to know everything especially when it comes to Gansey, doesn’t know where he, Gansey and Noah live. Ronan doesn’t speak much other than that but Henry certainly does.

He talks about how he’s driving to rowing practise and isn’t it a shame Gansey doesn’t row anymore. He talks about how much the team miss him and Ronan nods along. Then Henry talks about the other teams he’s in, chess, soccer, badminton and how he’s thinking of running for student council but he isn’t sure.

“My brother’s on the soccer team,” Ronan finds himself saying “Matthew, do you know him?”

Henry turns to him, thankfully they’re at a stop light and he grins, “What? Matthew’s your brother? Oh wow, I guess I never asked for his last name.” The light turns green and Henry turns his eyes back to the road, starting the car again” Damn of course yeah you kind of look alike now that I think about it. He’s a fantastic player. Are you coming to our match in a few weeks?”

Ronan nods, pride swelling in his chest when he hears how Henry talks about Matthew,

“Yeah, I come to all his games.”

“I bet he appreciates it.”

“I guess”

“He’s a lovely kid”

“Yeah, yeah I know”

They don’t talk after that and a minute later Henry pulls up outside Monmouth Manufacturing.

“You live here? This place is awesome. You’re so lucky you live on your own with your friends. I mean my parents aren’t home a lot but it’s not the same is it?”

Ronan shakes his head, opens the door and swings his two feet out of the car.

“Eh, thanks for the ride Henry.” Ronan says genuinely, unsure if he wants Henry to know how much he truly means that.

Henry grins as he watches Ronan get out and stand and for some reason Henry fucking salutes him, “Not a problem, I’ll see you on Monday!”

Ronan nods and shuts the passenger door behind him.

He walks towards the front door of Monmouth and by the time he makes his way inside, Henry’s long gone.

Shutting the door, Ronan takes a minute just to lean against the back of it.

That really wasn’t how he expected today to turn out.

What surprises him the most though is he doesn’t feel angry anymore, the burning has stopped, now replaced by a throbbing numbness but Ronan would take sheering emptiness any day over the shaking anger he’d felt walking to Kavinsky’s.

Ronan never thought he’d be grateful for Henry Cheng being around but today he had definitely been proved wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the lovely comments on the last chapter, they were much appreciated! I've written a detailed plan out for this story and I'm really excited for where it's going and I hope you guys are too. I've already started writing the next chapter so I'm sure I'll see you soon :)


	6. Aurora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan spends some time with his family and reflects on old memories of his parents.

Leaning against Gansey’s work chair, dressed in his black jeans and navy and white button up shirt, Ronan hesitantly types out a message to Matthew on the smartphone he’ll never be used to and looks for any distraction not to walk out the front door.

He’s used to going to church, it’s a family tradition if nothing else and some part of Ronan, some small part of his soul finds solace in repenting for his sins, admitting in his own head in such a sacred place that he is apologetic for all of the horrible things he does and for the person he’s becoming.

But going to see his mother after not seeing her for so long? That’s what’s causing Ronan to slow his movements this Sunday morning, taking a little longer to complete his mundane tasks like taking a shower or tying the worn black laces on his boots.

Because Ronan despises crying, most especially in front of other people and if his mother calls him by his father’s name again he might just cry for the first time in who knows how long.

Matthew wouldn’t care and neither would his mother nor Declan if he came with them, they were all family after all and they’d all seen each other cry on numerous occasions but Ronan would care.

He would hate it and it would replay in his mind until he’d drowned it out with enough alcohol which would make him forget even what his own name is. 

While Ronan is admittedly nervous about what will happen on his visit today, he can honestly say that he wants to go back.

He wants to see his mother, of course he does; he loves her even if she’s not the woman who raised him anymore.

His father’s death changed her just as it changed him and maybe he was just as unrecognisable and unknowable now as she is.

Ronan stares at the message he wrote for a moment, reading the two sentences over and over,

_‘If you’re still going to visit mum today I’ll go with u. I’ll give you a lift after mass if you want.’_

He wants to add, don’t invite Declan, but he doesn’t enjoy telling Matthew what to do, especially where Declan is involved so he resists the urge.

Pressing send before he can change his mind and delete the text, Ronan walks to the kitchen and actually washes up his bowl and plate from breakfast and it’s less than five minutes that pass before he gets a text back from Matthew.

_‘Oh wow that’s great! Also thanks, your text woke me up xD Must have slept through my alarm whoops but I’ll see you soon! Thanks Ro!!’_

Ronan shook his head but the hint of a smile on his face was clear as he shoved his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and made his way out the door.

…

Hopping down the long, thin steps to the church two at a time, Ronan takes in a deep breath of the fresh November air, a relief from the stuffy, albeit cleansing church he’d just left.

He hears Matthew jumping down the steps after him and Ronan turns, catching Declan’s sigh and disapproving shake of his head just in time.

But he also catches the slight twitch of a smile in his lips but Ronan doesn’t let himself dwell on that.

The three of them stand to the side as the rest of the congregation make their way out of the building, chatting about the current oil prices and latest musical hit as they make their way to their cars feeling satisfied with having done their good deed of the day by attending mass.

Matthew rocks back and forth on his heels and excitedly tells Declan and Ronan how his wings are growing and how he thinks he might be able to fly soon.

“Angels can’t fly until they’re eighteen” Declan reminds him gently “Their wings can grow to full length but won’t work until your eighteenth birthday.”

Matthew pouts so Ronan smiles and punches his shoulder but not hard enough to hurt.

“Noah will be eighteen soon enough” Ronan says “You can come over and watch how he fails at flying so you’ll know what not to do when it’s your turn.”

Matthew snickers, probably imagining delicate Noah flying around Monmouth and crashing into anything and everything with a grin on his face, “Okay, sounds good.”

Declan clears his throat and lifts his chin up and stares right at Ronan who braces himself for whatever is to come.

“So I was thinking about visiting mum soon, Ronan are you going to come this time?”

Matthew looks at Ronan. Ronan looks back at Matthew.

Declan watches them both of them and frowns in confusion.

Ronan averts eye contact with Declan and pulls up the zip on his leather jacket.

“Yeah, Matthew and I are going to see her today actually.”

He doesn’t add, ‘Do you want to come with us’ but he knows Declan will have heard it anyway.

Declan blinks, probably wondering whether he should be offended that he wasn’t invited or relieved that Ronan’s finally visiting Aurora for the first time in months, even if he wasn’t informed about it until right now.

“Oh, wow that’s brilliant. Do you guys need a lift? I can drive you and we can all go?”

Declan doesn’t add ‘I’m coming so I can keep an eye on you’ but Ronan catches it anyway.

Matthew casts another glance at Ronan before nodding to Declan,

“Yeah that’d be great, thanks!”

The two of them walk towards Declan’s shiny black Mercedes with Matthew calling dibs on shotgun on the way.

Ronan trails behind, contemplating whether he should take his own car or not, it would mean less time with Declan but by addition also less time with Matthew.

He also doesn’t need a lecture from Declan about his reckless driving today so he says nothing and follows the others to Declan’s car, getting into the backseat without complaint.

The care home is only about fifteen minutes from Henrietta and Ronan’s not sure how to feel about how quick the car ride flies by even with Declan driving at a snail’s pace. 

Matthew fiddles with the radio and berates Declan for his lack of good CDs in his car so he just connects his Bluetooth to the car’s speaker and then grins when a song he likes comes on and settles into his seat, quietly singing along to some female pop singer that Ronan doesn’t know the name of.

They drive up the long driveway to the care home after about four songs and if Matthew’s disappointed that he didn’t get to play more, he doesn’t show it with the big smile on his face.

The care home is all one story but it spreads far out back with several modern extensions so it looks more like five extremely modern bungalows put together.

The three Lynch brothers wordlessly get out of the car after Declan parks, perfectly of course.

Walking in a straight line, the three of them walk up to the automatic front doors and before Ronan can even think about turning back, the doors are opened and they’re inside the building.

Ronan feels his chest tighten as he stares at the square entrance, after the front doors is a small window to the left for the reception, through it Ronan can see a cheery looking woman sitting at the desk, talking on the phone and writing something down.

Turning his eyes away, Ronan clenches his fists as he sees the other set of doors in front of him, the doors that need to be opened by the keypad code in the reception and cannot be opened by anything else.

So nobody can get out, so Aurora Lynch can’t get out.

Stomach turning, just as it always does when he arrives here, images flash in his mind of his mother singing, laughing and dancing in the garden of the Barns.

He remembers her tending to the flowers or the animals in the field.

Her love of nature shone in every perfectly timed watering of her beloved flowers which she always loved to stop and smell when she passed.

She was happiest outside, when she could rub the calves’ heads gently when they came close to her, never backing away because who would back away from the kind creature that was Aurora Lynch?

Nature was Aurora’s friend, her companion and nature is also something that’s ingrained in Ronan’s soul until the end of time but that he tries his hardest never to think about.

When he does give in to those thoughts, he finds himself in his car, gripping the steering wheel for dear life, every bone in his body aching to just drive to the Barns but his mind resisting while his heart begs to just take him home.

Hours usually pass of him just sitting there outside Monmouth and then Gansey often knocks on the driver’s window, holding a cup of tea, sometimes he doesn’t leave until Ronan accepts the cup and comes inside with him.

Other times Gansey will go around into the passenger seat with his own cup of tea too, something fancy like green tea or honey, and they’ll sit there sipping their tea in silence.

With Ronan closing his eyes, head against the headrest, torn between love for Gansey for caring about him this way and memories of heartache of his father making him tea for any reason he could find.

Ronan’s not sure he’s ever thanked Gansey for this but Gansey knows he’s grateful.

Hearing the careful knocking on the receptionist window, the cheerful lady puts down the phone and opens it to Declan with a smile.

She greets him by his first name which makes Ronan even more uncomfortable. 

Matthew tries to catch his gaze and so Ronan looks at him and sees the question in his eyes.

‘Are you okay?’

Ronan’s not sure how he feels about his younger brother having to look out for him, it should really be the other way around. Nodding, Ronan walks closer to Matthew in an effort to act as a support and Matthew takes a step closer beside him, acknowledging it and wordlessly supporting him back.

The door buzzes and the three of them stand silently for a second, waiting as the doors fully open before walking on through.

Even though he hasn’t been here in months, Ronan still remembers the walk to his mother’s room.

To the left, walk past about ten doors and then turn the corner; pass by five more doors and then it’s there on the right.

People in clean pressed white and baby blue uniform nod at Declan in recognition, beam at Matthew and widen their eyes at Ronan but the brothers walk past each and every one of them.

Aurora Lynch’s door to her room is open when they get there.

She’s sitting up in bed, a book in her lap, her hands holding it by the sides tenderly as if she’s afraid the pages will turn to dust if she holds on any tighter.

Her blonde hair is duller than it used to be but it’s nowhere near the shade of brown on Declan’s head. Her blue eyes are unmoving as she stares down at the pages, scarily lifeless. Her cheeks are pale, absent of any rose blush and Ronan wonders how often she goes outside to the garden in this place, if she’s ever even allowed. 

Matthew’s ever uplifting voice calling, “Hi Mum!” is what notifies their mother to their presence.

She stares at them for a minute, eyes flickering between the three of them before focusing on Matthew and smiling.

“Matty” she mouths, no sound coming out but the word clear. 

Matthew’s entire face lights up and from standing so close to him, Ronan can hear his breath catch.

Walking forwards, Matthew kisses her on the forward and says hi to her again.

Declan walks over to the window and checks the flowers sitting in a vase on the ledge. From here, Ronan can tell they’re plastic and isn’t sure why Declan is bothering looking at them until he realises he’s trying to give Ronan an opportunity to talk to Aurora.

Matthew sits on the cushioned chair to the left so Ronan makes his way over to the one on the bed’s right.

Both Aurora’s and Matthew’s eyes of the exact same shade of blue turn to him as he sits down.

A smile forms surprisingly easily on Ronan’s face as he looks at his mother, a mixture of fear and comfort binding in his stomach when recognition flashes in her features.

“Ronan” She mouths, almost hesitantly and the fear in Ronan’s stomach disappears.

Feeling Declan and Matthew’s eyes boring into him, Ronan blinks his eyes twice and forces back any tears.

“Mum” He whispers, reaching forward to take her red and rough hands in his.

She smiles, her hands not squeezing his but not pulling away either so Ronan doesn’t mind.

He opens his mouth and the words pour out.

Everything he’s done since he’s seen her last comes out, leaving out a few late nights with Kavinsky speeding down highways or setting things on fire and adding in a few more classes than he actually attended and leaving out the results on the tests he has taken in that time.

Aurora does nothing but watch him but her eyes are interested and he can tell she’s listening.

“I went to see Sister Máire a few weeks ago” He tells her, searching her face for any recognition at the name.

She nods once and Ronan thinks that Sister Máire has probably visited his mum since she’s been here; maybe even visited more than Ronan himself.

“She,” Ronan inwardly debates whether Declan’s smugness later will be worth this but quickly decides it is, “She helped me with my powers. You know the, eh…the fire and stuff?”

Aurora looks down at his hands before meeting his eyes again and nods.

“Well it was Declan’s decision really but whatever” Ronan shrugs, ignoring Declan’s eyes still boring into the side of his head unnervingly, “She gave me a few books and I’ve found them helpful. Nothing’s really worked yet but…I’m trying.”

Coughing, Ronan tries to forget his brothers’ presence in the room,

“I’m trying to be better” He says, hoping she understands just how much he means it, even if she never knew how bad he was other than the speeding tickets she would shake her head in disapproval at and lecture him for that still hang in the Barns. “Controlling my powers is difficult but I’m getting there, so” He shrugs again, “Hopefully it’ll work.”

Neither of them say anything for a minute, though Ronan wasn’t expecting her to but then one hand under his turns and wraps itself around Ronan’s, squeezing twice gently.

Ronan looks down, following the movements, watching his mother’s engagement and wedding rings beautifully dig into the back of his hand. 

Tearing his eyes away to look back at her, his heart thuds when he sees tears in her eyes but when he realises there’s also pride in them Ronan’s eyes begin to water too and it takes everything in him not to let a tear fall.

…

On the drive back to St. Agnes to pick up Ronan’s car, Ronan leans his head back and closes his eyes, emotionally drained after the day he’s had and it’s only just after lunch time.

Somehow his mind is drawn back to the Barns, which isn’t that unusual but today his mind focuses on something extremely specific.

It’s a picture in a Newbridge Silverware frame that rests on the piano in the sitting room.

His father took the picture of his mother when they first started dating, Ronan recalls his father telling him the story for what must have been the tenth time and Ronan’s pretty sure it was their third date.

His mother’s long blonde hair flowed down her back which was to the camera, her face to the side so the picture just captures a hint of a grin and the blush in her cheeks. Her feet were free of socks or shoes as she stood on the grass on top of a hill that Ronan doesn’t remember the name of.

But the most stunning part of the picture is how the light caught the white of her wings so perfectly it looked like they sparkled.

Ronan remembers the stories his father used to tell of how his mother would fly over the clouds just to see him, she’d fly up trees to pick apples he couldn’t reach and then laugh and eat them in front of him, he used to always joke with her about her giving him a lift and how it’d be so much better to fly than drive, though Ronan never agreed with that last part.

Aurora still has her wings, she keeps them hidden as most angels do in public underneath her clothing but even when he was younger, Ronan only ever saw them a handful of times at home.

Once she married his father, the Elders summoned her to a meeting and said unless she divorced the demon she loved, they’d have to remove her powers.

It was a story that Niall Lynch only ever told his middle son once which spoke volumes seeing as he told every story at least three times.

This was different but Ronan still remembers every detail of it as if he’d been there too.

Aurora had refused, challenged the Elders on why it was so wrong for her to marry a demon, they weren’t doing anything wrong and she’d thought the world was moving on.

Niall Lynch’s fists had clenched in front of seven year old Ronan’s eyes as he told him how the Elders had sighed condescendingly and explained to her how the rules worked.

Angels don’t marry Demons because the Elder angels disapprove. The Elders on the council who are demons don’t particularly care much but after the war, it was a compromise they were forced to make for peace.

Demons aren’t stripped of their powers when marrying angels for this reason but they’re put on a probation list of sorts. If they break any other rules, no matter how big or small, their powers will also be taken from them. 

The Elders who are angels however see their kind marrying demons as a danger to themselves and the whole community. Their reasoning is that if everyday angels want to put themselves at risk for the sake of love then so be it but they will be removed from the angel community for good.

A fallen angel is far different than a demon, though they were once referred to as the same but then the angels changed it shortly before the Elder committee was formed.

Fallen angels were angels who have been stripped of their power because they broke some law that the Elders deem sacred, such as marrying a demon, abusing a partner or family member or trying to overthrow the Elder council and being found out of trying to start up another war. 

Demons have their own powers that are completely separate to angels, the most noticeable and prominent one being the ability to wield fire.

Aurora still has her wings but that day one of the angel Elders plucked a feather from the centre of her wings and now they lie at her back, refusing to extend, unable to work but they stay as a cruel reminder.

Aurora had smiled at Ronan when he asked after his dad told him the story, if keeping the wings made her sadder. She’d knelt down to his height, took his hands in hers and said,

“It reminds me what I gave up for love, Ronan. But everyone has to sacrifice something for love. Your father did the same for me, his is just less obvious. My wings remind me of the love I have for my family and how it’s stronger than any love I had for flying or being who I used to be. I’ll always be an angel in my heart Ronan but being a wife, being a mother to the people I love and who love me brings me much more joy than I ever had before.”

Ronan feels the car turn and shortly come to a stop so he pushes the memories back into that box that he rarely opens in the back of his mind and opens his eyes.

They are predictably back at St. Agnes and Declan has turned in his seat to look at him, expectation in his eyes.

Sneering at him, Ronan unbuckles his belt and sits forward, clapping Matthew on the shoulder.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Does that mean you’ll be attending school this week?” Declan asks, his voice less of a question but more of a disbelieving accusation.

Ronan opens the door to the car and turns back to smirk at his older brother,

“Tomorrow anyway, I’ll see how I feel on the other days but don’t get your hopes up.”

Getting out of the car, Ronan slams the door shut before he can hear whatever retort Declan can come up with.

…

That night, Ronan lies on his bed, sleep refusing to come to him and for the first time in a while he feels warmth in his chest.

Not the raging warmth that’s so often hiding underneath his skin, but a comforting form of warmth.

It’s something he feels when he looks at Matthew but today he felt that just by talking to his mum.

Checking his phone again, he stares at the message he received from Matthew a few hours ago,

_‘Thanks for coming today, I know it was difficult for you but I really appreciated you being there and I know mum and Declan did too <3 See you tomorrow!’_

Ronan didn’t reply, Matthew’s the only person he ever texts other than Gansey in emergencies but even then it’s not often and Ronan isn’t sure what he’d text back anyway.

But maybe the next time Matthew or Declan brings up the topic of visiting their mum, he’ll say yes and actually look forward to seeing her.

And hopefully it will help her with her recovery but Ronan thinks that it will definitely help him with his too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm trying to post a new chapter every weekend. I'm going back to school next week so I doubt I'll have a chance to write and properly edit chapters during the week. 
> 
> If you want to talk to me about this story, are interested in being a beta for this fic or just about pynch/trc in general feel free to message me on my tumblr here: [x](http://remusjohnlvpin.tumblr.com/)


	7. Future Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan learns a thing or two about Adam Parrish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long, I'm back to school and my last year is hectic. I'll try and upload a new chapter every weekend or maybe every second one if I'm busy but it'll be no later than that :)

Ronan can see the barely suppressed rage on Adam’s face even from across the road and inside the safety of his own shiny, newly washed BMW.

Adam stares at him, standing frozen on the sidewalk outside Boyd’s garage, still wearing his overalls and usual greasy work attire, contrasting with the clean, spotless bag hung over one of his shoulders that likely contains his school uniform and several books and copies.

His thick eyebrows are drawn together and from this far away it looks like Adam’s got a unibrow which almost makes Ronan snort.

He knows Adam wasn’t expecting him, was banking on it really because why would anyone expect Ronan Lynch to do something nice?

But Ronan knows that Adam won’t see this gesture as nice.

From spending time with him over the past few months, Ronan has gathered something very important about Adam.

He’s the proudest motherfucker Ronan’s ever met.

Not proud as in confident in whom he is like Gansey or in a superior way like Declan but instead he’s just proud of himself sort of in the way that Ronan pretends to be.

The way of ‘I am who I am and I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks’ but Adam goes one step beyond that.

He’s determined to be who he wants to be and refuses help from anyone else in doing so.

Whether it be help with homework from Gansey or something simple like Noah tucking in the label on the back of his school jumper or Blue offering him a cookie that one of her many aunts had made.

Adam’s reactions were almost predictable at this stage.

Every time Gansey offered homework assistance, Adam would decline and insist he was okay. He’d flinch ever so slightly at the feeling of Noah’s long fingertips brushing against the hairs on the back of his neck. And he was never hungry when a cookie was offered to him even though after Blue would look away, Adam would stare longingly at the plastic container of cookies the same way Ronan looks at a crate of beer.

So Ronan’s certain that showing up at Adam’s workplace to give him a lift home will be something else Adam will try and refuse.

Which is exactly why Ronan hadn’t warned him and just showed up at the time when he knew Adam finished work, not that he stalks Adam or anything ridiculous like that but his schedule is almost always the same every week and Gansey often brings it up, not wanting to do something with the group without Adam there.

Ronan had never thought of himself as a particularly observant person but apparently today was different.

It had taken him months to realise that Gansey stares at Blue’s legs when she wears skirts for too long to be deemed accidental or gentlemanly.

He didn’t know Declan was seeing the girl down the road when he was 14 until he accidentally walked in on them making out in dad’s old shed.

Ronan didn’t even really know he was gay until last year for heaven’s sake.

So why he was the only one who noticed the flat tire on Adam’s bike that was locked to the ground a few inches from the front gates of Aglionby Academy this morning was a complete and utter mystery to him.

Maybe it was because Noah was far too busy running to clasp Adam’s hand in his weird high five grip and asking him how he was while Gansey beamed on, ever the proud father-friend and nodded, saying “Morning Adam” in that gentle tone of his.

While Ronan had just offered his usual stiff nod which Adam had returned with his own, never looking offended that Ronan never spoke to him much in comparison to the others and then turned back to Gansey to ask him a question about his history project.

Adam hadn’t mentioned anything about his bike and with the small smile on his face one would think everything was alright with him except for the clear lines underneath his eyes and his windswept hair.

So now here they were, Ronan sitting in his BMW, windows down, staring across the road at Adam who is staring right back at him, wondering how Ronan knew, confused as to why Ronan would help him like this, why Ronan would bother.

Ronan certainly wasn’t going to tell Adam that, he’s not even fully let himself accept it yet.

It takes Adam at least two minutes to cross the road that’s void of any cars but Ronan doesn’t shout “Hurry up asshole” like he normally would. Somehow it doesn’t feel right in this situation.

Ronan turns his head to face the windshield and less than thirty seconds later, the door to the passenger seat is opening and from the corner of his eye, Ronan can see Adam bend down to peer in at him.

“What are you doing, Lynch?”

If Ronan lied he’d say he was just simply parked here, it was a free country and he could do what he wanted.

But Ronan doesn’t lie so he just rolls his eyes and says, “Get in the fucking car, Parrish.”

Turning to face him Ronan finds Adam’s jaw clenched, his hand gripping the door tightly, unsure whether he should let go and get in or let go and slam it behind him before storming off.

Choosing the former without speaking a word, Adam slowly gets into the car and closes the door behind him, sinking into the seat and shutting his eyes.

Somehow Ronan suspects Adam silently agreeing to this has more to do with the boy’s exhaustion than willingness to swallow his pride and appreciate Ronan’s rare signs of humanity.

“How did you know?”

Ronan starts up the car and shrugs even though Adam still has his eyes shut.

“I’m smarter than I look Parrish”

Adam opens his eyes and when he looks at Ronan, Ronan gets the feeling that Adam believes him.

“Did Gansey-“

“If Gansey knew about this he’d be here in his own shitty car, he wouldn’t dare let me come and collect you. He’d be far too terrified that I’d harm a hair on your precious innocent head.”

Adam snorts as Ronan drives down the street and turns.

They drive straight for a few minutes, Adam giving no directions, opting to simply stare out of the window, maybe suspecting that Ronan’s just driving them to Monmouth when Ronan was actually going to drive Adam home.

Seeing as Ronan doesn’t know where that is, he opens his mouth to ask but is interrupted by a faint gurgling sound from Adam’s stomach.

Ronan doesn’t even hide his splutter of laughter and he turns for a second from the road to catch Adam’s face flushed in embarrassment but then he’s laughing too.

Adam’s laugh isn’t laud, it’s more like a soft chuckle but from the dimples on his cheeks due to how wide he’s grinning, it’s clear as day that it’s genuine.

“Alright, what are we getting to eat Parrish?”

Adam sobers up then, “I’m fine”

Ronan rolls his eyes, “Okay then, I’ll just get food for myself.”

He pulls into the nearest fast food drive through and orders two large burger meals, throwing a few dollars at the window guy without looking to see what president is on them.

When the college student with the black earpiece in his ear hands Ronan his two paper bags, Ronan throws one of them at Adam and places his own under his seat before driving off.

“I said I was fine, Ronan” Adam says slowly, his voice low and serious.

Ronan shrugs, “Thought I was hungry enough for two, guess not. You shouldn’t waste food, Parrish or else the maggot will give you a lecture on the environment, so eat your plastic food before it gets cold.”

Bracing himself for Adam to shove the bag to the floor or to open his mouth and spit furious words at him, Ronan reminds himself not to let the words affect him.

But Adam doesn’t say anything, Ronan hears the crumpling of the bag and some more movement and when he dares to look over Adam is biting into his burger that’s already been half eaten.

A smile threatens to sneak onto Ronan’s face so he turns back to the road before it can try.

Pressing the radio button harshly, Ronan sits back and let’s himself grin as Thin Lizzy blares from the speakers, so loud that it causes Adam to jump in surprise in his seat and Ronan sets off, driving with absolutely no set destination in mind but somehow he doesn’t think Adam will mind that much.

And from the smile on Adam’s face as before he throws a handful of fries into his mouth, Ronan knows he’s right.

…

A half hour later they’ve wound up in the next town, well it’s more of a village really and they’re sitting on the swing set in a quaint little park that Ronan gets the feeling that he’s been in before.

Ronan’s still finishing the last of his fries which have long gone cold while Adam’s just slowly, almost cautiously swinging back and forth.

When he’s done, Ronan raises his arm up, practises throwing twice and then he throws the paper bag into the rubbish bin a few inches away from them.

Adam chuckles when Ronan meets his target and the bag falls into the bin.

Ronan grins, pretending it’s because he accomplished such a meaningless task and not because he made Adam Parrish laugh again.

He pulls back on the swing and starts swinging back and forth with as much energy as he can muster.

“So” Ronan starts, causing Adam to turn at him and raise an eyebrow at Ronan flying back and forth, “Do you like working at Boyd’s?”

Adam blinks, his eyes flickering back and forth to keep up with Ronan’s face before he nods,

“Yeah, well, I like Boyd and I like cars. I don’t want to be a mechanic or anything but it’s a good job, good money and I like it more than my other jobs.”

Ronan slows down to properly listen to him until he’s moving at the same slow pace as Parrish.

“So what do you want to be then?” Ronan asks lightly.

Adam snorts, “You sound like our guidance teacher.”

Ronan gasps, “That’s a low blow Parrish, I hardly go in that school but even I’ve gathered that woman is a nightmare.”

Laughing, Adam leans back so his neck is tilted and his face is parallel with the sky, “Yeah, I had one meeting with her at the start of the year when I moved school and let’s just say she wasn’t the most competent teacher.”

Ronan turns his seat around with his feet so the rope above him twists and he’s facing Adam who’s still squinting up at the blue sky.

“Oh yeah? How so?”

“I’m pretty sure her water bottle was filled with vodka, it smelled like it anyway.”

A laugh tore from Ronan’s throat, louder than any he’s heard come from himself in a long time.

Adam grins at the sky, slightly crooked white teeth gleaming and Ronan has to tear his eyes away from them.

“Can’t say I blame her” Ronan says once he’s calmed down, “I’d certainly be drinking something stronger if I’d to listen to you and other whiny kids all day long.”

Adam finally leans back up, kicking Ronan’s leg purposefully along the way, it aches for a few seconds but Ronan doesn’t complain.

“Why do you never show up for school anyway?” Adam asks then, his eyebrows drawn together and head tilted as if it’s something he’s wondered for a long time.

Ronan turns his head away from him to look at the source of the faint squeaking sound which is the playground roundabout that’s began to move from a gust of wind.

“I don’t like being told what to do” Ronan tells him honestly, “It sounds very…stereotypically punk but I don’t like being told to fit in and be someone I’m not. I hate learning useless shit I will never need and then being looked at like I’m stupid when I don’t understand something or get a question wrong. It’s bullshit.” Ronan sighs, wondering if he should say the next words or not, “And to be honest, I’ve got enough money, I don’t need to go to school anyway.”

Ronan waits for Adam to protest, to tell him he’s limiting his future prospects like Gansey has warned him so many times or that he’s ruining his life like Declan has shouted at him for years but Adam doesn’t say anything like that, he simply nods.

“Yeah” Adam whispers, “Yeah I can understand that.”

Ronan frowns, unsure if he’s being made fun of or belittled, “You can?”

Adam kicks his leg against the ground after having sat still for a moment and then he’s swinging back and forth again but at the same tired, slow pace.

“Of course, do you think I like studying until 3am every night? Going to school every day even when I’m dying of the flu? No, I hate it but I need to do it to get me out of this town, so I can do what I want. You, you don’t have to, you can find a path without doing something you hate, something every teenager hates so yeah I understand.”

Ronan looks at him again, allowing himself to stare at the deep blue lines under Adam’s eyes before trailing his own eyes down to his chapped, dry and red hands that grip the ropes.

Adam’s good looking, his hair too dusty to be deemed caramel, his skin brown and looks soft to touch until you see his hands but all of that is overshadowed by the bright blue of his startling eyes.

Ronan suspects the only thing that keeps all the people running lustfully after Adam Parrish is that he always looks so drained. Like his life is a marathon he’s been running and if he slows down, if he makes one misstep, its game over for good.

Ronan’s life on the other hand is a car chase, he just keeps driving and driving, uncaring of where he’s going or who with until he crashes into something and then everything comes to a shuttering stop.

But Adam, Adam with his complex backstory that nobody knows anything about, with his driven and wondrous mind and soft chuckle that you’ve to really listen for or else you’ll miss it, Adam Parrish makes Ronan wonder if he could learn how to slow down and enjoy the drive, just for a little bit.

“You never told me what you want to do” Ronan whispers into the wind, unsure whether he wants Adam to hear him.

Adam turns to him then, blue eyes sharp as always and Ronan instantly knows he did hear him.

“To leave” Adam says, voice thick with certainty, “That’s all I know. That I want to leave Henrietta and hopefully never come back.”

With his chin high and back straight, tight and defiant, Adam silently dares Ronan to laugh, judge or insult him but Ronan does none of these things.

In fact he says nothing, he just nods, unsure of what else he can say.

That nagging, too curious for its own good voice in the back of his head wonders what made Adam hate this town so much that he feels such a strong need to run from it.

“What about you?” Adam asks after a few minutes of silence, “What’s the thing that you want to do that you don’t need school for?”

Ronan finds his eyes being torn away from Adam again and they find themselves fixed on the primary coloured playground roundabout in front of them.

A memory comes back to him and he realises he was right, he has been here before.

He sees a curly golden haired five year old, sitting on the roundabout with his legs crossed under him, giggling and throwing his arms up as his two older brothers spin him around and around.

Ronan remembers his tired, aching arms refusing to stop because then his brother would stop smiling, he recalls Declan worrying that Matthew would throw up and then suddenly their dad was sprinting over to them and telling them to both hop on too and he’d spin all of them.

Swallowing the sudden thick feeling in his throat, Ronan blinks until the image fades and there’s nobody on the roundabout or even in the park itself except for him and Adam Parrish.

“To go home” Ronan whispers, saying the words he never let himself think but always knew to be true “I just want to go back home.”

…

On the drive back, Adam gives Ronan directions to his home and Ronan realises very quickly that they’re going to St. Agnes Church.

A million questions swirl in his head but he knows better than to ask.

Adam stares directly out of the window and refuses to look at him, his shoulders tight and his hands curled tightly around his schoolbag on the floor of the car and Ronan gets the feeling Adam really wouldn’t appreciate him asking more pestering questions about his life, especially why he apparently lives in a church. 

When they pull up into the parking lot, Adam wastes no time in opening the door and stepping out dragging his bag along with him.

“Thank you” Adam says, bending down to peer in at Ronan just as he’d down hours before, “For, for the food and the drive, and everything. I’ll pay you back.”

Ronan shakes his head, “Don’t mention it.”

“No I have to-“

“Fine” Ronan rolls his eyes, “Then just fix your goddamn flat tire so I don’t have to do this again.”

Adam hesitates for a second but then nods, “Okay, fine, I can do that.”

“Good” Ronan huffs, “Now shut the door, you’re letting the cold air in.”

Adam shakes his head at him but Ronan thinks he sees a slight smile on his face before he slams the door shut.

Turning his back to him and throwing his bag over his shoulder, Adam walks up the steps to St. Agnes and opens the door as if he’d done it a thousand times before, unusual behaviour for a self-proclaimed atheist.

Ronan shakes his head and tries to rid his mind of any more questions surrounding Adam Parrish and whatever his beliefs may be and the random, obscene places he lives.

But as he drives back to Monmouth, Ronan can’t help but think that today he uncovered another piece of the puzzle that was Adam Parrish, he’s just not sure what exactly that piece is yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we'll be seeing lots more of Adam from now on :)
> 
> If you want to message me about this fic, pynch or trc/crooked saints in general then here's my tumblr: [x](http://remusjohnlvpin.tumblr.com/)


	8. Cabeswater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan plans a date, but it's not for him, three friends make a trip to Cabeswater and the topic of Ronan's dating life comes up more than once in one day.

“So let me get this straight” Ronan says slowly “You asked Blue out on a date?”

Gansey’s eyes are wide enough to pop out of his head but they’re filled with concern. 

“Yes” Gansey answers quietly; his right hand is pale as it clutches his cup of green tea that’s hardly been touched since he poured it half an hour ago.

Ronan sits back in the chair opposite him and raises an eyebrow.

“And Blue said yes?”

“Yeah” Gansey almost sighs as he says the word and Ronan can’t believe Gansey would be so surprised Blue would agree to date him.

Anyone would jump at a chance to date Gansey, even Ronan himself at one extremely brief point but the thought makes him shudder now.

“So why do you need my help?” Ronan asks frowning into his cup of black coffee before putting it down on the table again, almost causing it to splash onto the dark, doodled-on wood, almost.

“Because I’ve never been on a date before” Gansey admits hurriedly “And I don’t know what we should do.”

“Course you’ve been on a date before, what about that girl the summer before last?”

Just before Ronan’s dad died, Ronan suppresses a shudder and downs another gulp of coffee.

Gansey shakes his head, takes the white cup off the table and hugs it to his chest but still doesn’t drink from it.

“I wouldn’t exactly call that a date Ronan, we just went to the cinema.”

Ronan grins and asks rhetorically, “She kissed you didn’t she?”

Gansey turns his eyes away and takes in a long breath which is the Gansey version of rolling his eyes at you.

“Can we get back to the subject at hand?” 

Ronan laughs, “Alright, alright, you’re going on a date with Blue, what would you like to do? That’s not you know, the obvious”

Gansey narrows his eyes and kicks Ronan’s shin under the table but nowhere near hard enough to hurt but Ronan still flinches away anyway.

“There was no need for that” Ronan says, voice light and teasing, “So when’s the date?”

“Tonight”

Almost choking on his coffee, Ronan blinks rapidly at him, “What, tonight? But you just asked her out last night?”

“It’s the only evening she has off from Nino’s for the next few weeks that’s not a school night.”

Shaking his head, Ronan wonders how he’s friends with such a swot like Gansey but then again he can’t really talk. At least Gansey’s going on a date and has kissed someone before, even if it was just in the back of a cinema, Ronan’s done neither of those things.

Not that Ronan cares about that of course.

Sighing, Ronan shrugs, “Well I don’t know what you should do, aren’t you supposed to be the romantic?”

Gansey’s light eyebrows draw together, “Since when?”

Ronan actually does roll his eyes, “Oh please, you open doors for Blue all the time and only stopped when she told you to, you stay up talking to her until four AM most nights, you talk about her all the time, she has to come along to everything we do-“

“That’s not true!” Gansey insists, “I’m like that with all of you and you know it.”

“Well you’re more romantic than me anyway” Ronan relents, “My idea of a perfect date would be speed racing and my date giving me a pet crow, I’d love a pet crow they’re loyal as shit man, anyway you know who you should’ve asked about this? Noah, he’d love this and nobody knows what Blue would like better than him.”

Nodding, Gansey finally takes a sip of his tea that’s clearly gone cold from the flicker of disgust that passes over his face for a second before it changes to determination.

“Okay, I’ll ask him when he gets back from the skate park.”

Ronan tilts his head back to drink the last few drops of his coffee and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before standing up from his chair, “Good idea, right, I’m heading to the shop, I’ll be back by the time Noah comes home to calm him down because he’s going to be bouncing up and down with happiness when he hears this, he’ll quite possibly be so excited that he’ll start flying for the first time.”

Looking up at him with curious eyes, Gansey asks, “Wait, what do you need in the store?”

“Blue may be feminist as fuck but everyone loves flowers on a first date and God knows if you got them yourself you’d spend three hours trying to pick the right bunch. I’ll be back soon.”

Kicking his chair in under the table, Ronan takes his jacket off the back of it and throws it on, turning to leave he stops when he feels Gansey’s hand on his arm.

“Are you okay with this?”

Gansey’s voice is soft, it’s the one he used when Ronan first lost his dad and Gansey had to talk Ronan out of a breakdown or two. It makes Ronan’s heart hurt but not in a bad way.

“Of course I am” Ronan says honestly

“I should’ve…I should’ve told you I liked her.”

“It was kind of obvious” Ronan smiles, genuinely, the way he used to. “Really, I’ve no problem with this. Just don’t let the midget break your heart, I don’t want to have to fight her. She’s probably a black belt in karate knowing her.”

Gansey snorts and takes his hand away from his jacket, “That’s true, okay you can go now and thanks for all of this.”

Ronan shrugs with one shoulder, “You can pay me back some other time.”

Gansey’s eyes light up, “Why? Are you planning on asking someone out soon?”

Scoffing, Ronan moves towards the door, “Don’t be ridiculous, I meant make it up to me by buying me a crate of beer or saying nothing when I sneak out of the house one of these nights to go speeding or letting me drive the pig-“

If anything, Gansey just got paler at the mention of his precious car which makes Ronan grin with his teeth again.

“I’ll see you later, if Noah comes back before I do, don’t tell him, I want to see his face when he finds out your dating the platonic love of his life!”

Laughing shakily, Gansey murmurs a goodbye and that’s the last thing Ronan hears before he shuts the front door behind him.

…

The kitchen/bathroom is a completely different place five hours later.

For one thing, the bathroom part of the room aka the toilet is hidden behind a room divider that Gansey had bought for that specific reason for when he first showed his family his new home but had stored it in the floor upstairs ever since. 

Ronan was still coughing as it had been his job to dust the divider off when he retrieved it from the constant construction site that is upstairs three hours ago.

Noah had given him that job of course as he had given Gansey his, Noah’s not sure what he wants to do after Aglionby but Ronan thinks he’d make an excellent event planner.

There are fairy lights stuck to the cupboards and the lights have been dimmed so they and the two pearly white candles on the table shine even brighter.

The flowers that Ronan bought which will be later given to Blue are waiting patiently in a vase of water for her.

Ronan knows absolutely nothing about flowers, but the colours are all bright and pretty and he thinks the two big ones in it are lilies which are ‘the loveliest of flowers’ according to the old woman who was behind him in the check out.

She then asked if they were for his girlfriend, to which Ronan replied that he was gay, so no.

He hadn’t even told his brothers that but telling an old woman in the supermarket who wore ridiculously vibrant orange scarves was apparently no issue.

The grey haired woman had smiled and said ‘Oh my apologies, for a boyfriend then?’

Wondering why everyone was suddenly so invested in his dating life today, Ronan had shaken his head and said they were for his friend to give to a girl on their first date.

Cooing, the woman said she wished them look and he was a fine young man to help them out.

Ronan had shrugged, bought his flowers and wished her a nice day before leaving with the bouquet in his sweaty palms.

Noah’s squeal causes Ronan to turn from the kitchen to where Gansey is standing in the sitting room in dark navy jeans, a grey V-neck jumper with the collars of a navy shirt gently tucked over it.

Pride swells in Ronan’s chest when he sees Gansey’s wearing black dress shoes and not those horrific boat shoes; a pair of which Ronan may have accidentally thrown in the bin once.

“You really think it was a good idea not to go with the suit?” Gansey asks his face even paler than earlier.

Noah tuts him and skips over to brush a hair off Gansey’s jumper,

“Blue would think you were a fancy snob if you wore a suit on your first date.”

“But he is a fancy snob” Ronan can’t help but chime in

Gansey’s offended “Hey!” goes unnoticed by Noah, who looks over his shoulder at Ronan with a grin,

“Yeah but Blue doesn’t need to know just how much of a snob he is on their first date.”

Ronan snorts while Gansey just groans.

“Was this such a good idea? Having her over here for dinner? Won’t she think it’s a bit-“

“She’ll love it” Noah reassures him, turning back to face Gansey but stepping back and clapping his own hands together, “It’s romantic but simple, doesn’t cost a dime so it doesn’t look like you’re throwing your money or yourself at her. Though I’m not sure she’d mind that last part.”

“Noah!” Gansey says, his voice a fraction above its normal volume, mouth dropped open but Noah only laughs, Ronan soon joining in.

“Right that’s it the both of you need to leave.” Gansey insists, placing his hands on his hips 

Ronan groans, “Come on, we were just joking.”

Gansey deflates, “Yes, I know and I really appreciate all you’ve been doing but could you two just…give us some privacy? You can come home after she leaves.”

“And when will that be?” Noah inquires

“I’ll text you, okay? Ronan please have your phone on and not on silent for once.” Ronan shrugs but knows he’ll do as Gansey says.

“Fine, fine, we’re going, we’re going” Noah promises, grabbing his winter coat that’s thrown over Gansey’s desk chair for some reason and walking towards the door, “Have a good night!”

Ronan follows him, winking at Gansey but squeezing his arm once in reassurance too.

It says the ‘You’ll be fine, she’ll love this and she likes you just as much as you like her’ that Ronan can’t say and Gansey smiles at him because he knows.

…

In Ronan’s car, Noah’s got his feet up on the dashboard of the passenger seat before Ronan can even turn on the ignition.

“Must you do that every time” Ronan grumbles, pressing the stereo button and relishing in the loud, thumping electric guitar that beats through the car.

“Yes” Noah replies simply, “You still got those beers in the boot?”

Ronan almost smiles, he thinks he’ll like where this is going.

“I might” He says as they turn onto the road and drive into the slowly descending sun, “Why?”

“How about I text Adam and the three of us go to Cabeswater for a few hours, have a few cans and pass the time?”

“Isn’t Adam working?” Ronan knows Adam isn’t but asks anyway.

“No, I think he finished at five. So, what do you say? It beats just driving around with me all night. And I’ve the Mamma Mia soundtrack on my phone, don’t think I won’t play it and sing along.”

Ronan imagines Noah singing loudly along to Dancing Queen with the windows down and then cringes, knowing he’ll have that song stuck in his head for hours now.

“Fine but only because I can’t stand listening to Pierse Brosnan attempt to sing.”

Noah grins, “Brilliant, I’ll text Adam now. Oh this is going to be a great night.”

Ronan would never admit it but he hopes it’s a great night too.

…

There’s something about Cabeswater that almost makes Ronan feel alive.

The tall trees with autumn leaves don’t frighten him here or remind him of upsetting memories of his family. Instead they comfort him, intrigue him and leave him almost in awe of them.

Shaking his head, Ronan looks down at the several empty beer cans that belong to him and realise those thoughts might have been the alcohol currently fizzling through his veins talking.

“Ronan, come on, it’ll be fun!” Noah says, grinning and when Ronan turns to face him he’s swaying slightly from where he’s sitting cross legged on some branches, so Ronan inches ever so slightly closer to him so he can catch him if he suddenly falls.

“I’m not playing truth or dare Noah, I’m not eleven” Ronan mutters

Adam takes a gulp of his coke and Ronan turns just in time to watch his throat bob as he swallows it down, definitely grateful that he remembered that Adam didn’t drinking at that Halloween party and stopped off to get some sodas for him, “Ronan’s got a point.”

Eyes widening, Ronan ignores the indistinctive fluttery feeling in his stomach that suddenly appears hearing Adam say his first name that Ronan writes off as being caused by the drink.

“Thanks Parrish” Ronan says, turning quickly to face Noah again, “See, even Parrish thinks I’m right.”

Adam snorts from across from him, “That’s a bit of a stretch.”

Wanting to turn and sneer jokingly at him, Ronan’s forced to resist so he chugs the rest of his beer instead, delighting in the way the fizz slides down his throat as easily as water.

“Alright, alright, how about we just talk-“

“We are talking”

“Ronan, shush” Noah says sternly before breaking off into giggles, “Oh my god, I’m sorry that was so mean.”

Ronan can’t help but grin and pats him on the shoulder, “I’ll get over it.”

Noah sighs in actual relief which makes Ronan shake his head and vow to remember how much of a lightweight Noah is in future, “Good, good but yeah we can just chill and talk and-oh Adam!”

They both turn to stare at a blank-faced Adam and Noah grins with his whole face,

“Adam, tell us about yourself! We’ve been friends for months and we hardly know anything about you!”

Adam coughs and shrugs, “There’s not much to tell really.”

Noah shakes his head and with that his whole body shakes too so Ronan takes the almost empty can out of his hands and places it behind his own back, thankfully Noah doesn’t say anything against the action.

“Come on, please?” Noah asks quietly, batting his eyelashes, “Just simple stuff to start?”

Adam sighs, “Alright, well I’m eighteen, I moved to Aglionby at the start of the year, I really like dogs but I’ve never had one, I’d love to go abroad and my favourite subject is Latin even though I’m not the best at it and it’s pretty unnecessary in the world we live in.”

Noah gasps, “Don’t be ridiculous, you’re one of the best in the class at Latin! Ronan, tell him!”

Ronan sits up straighter when the two pairs of eyes in their small circle focus in on him,

“Yeah, I guess, I don’t really pay attention much” Ronan says, deliberately pushing all the memories of watching Adam raise his hand and answer a question correctly or the deflation of his shoulders when he receives a likely perfect grade, to the back of his mind.

Noah waves his words off with a swipe of his hand and turns back to Adam, “Okay, so you’ve told us the simple stuff so…hmm…how about you tell us a secret then? If you want to of course, if you do, I’ll tell one too!”

Adam mightn’t have been drinking but he laughs and nods in agreement anyway, “Alright, okay but you can’t tell Blue or Gansey, neither of you.”

Noah nods adamantly, even going so far as to cross his heart with his finger while Ronan just nods once.

Adam looks away from them and starts peeling at one of the branches on the ground, his coke can now sitting beside him.

“Okay so when I was in freshmen year at my old school…I used to have a crush on Blue.”

Somewhere in the distance Ronan can hear crickets as Noah and Ronan just stare at Adam for a minute before they both burst out laughing, toppling over themselves and quickly Adam joins in as their laughs escape them until they’re all coughing.

“Are you serious?” Ronan asks when they’ve all calmed down

Adam nods and runs a hand over his face, “I know, it’s really embarrassing looking back on it.”

“Does she know?” Noah asks eagerly

Adam visibly cringes, “I think so, I was friends with someone who dated this girl she talked to sometimes and I think she told her. We never talked when I went to school there and she hasn’t mentioned it since I met you guys which is nice. Maybe she forgot about it or heard I got over her.”

“Did you get over her?” The words pour out of Ronan’s mouth before he realises he doesn’t want to hear the answer

“Of course I did, I could never think of her that way now.”

Okay maybe the answer wasn’t as bad as Ronan thought.

“That’s good” Ronan says, opening another beer and delighting in the crack and fizz as he does so, “It’s so weird to think about though, actually no it’s not weird it’s just hilarious.”

Straightening his back, Adam frowns at him in a way that narrows his eyes so he’s almost glaring at Ronan who realises very quickly that he doesn’t like that expression one bit, not from Adam.

“What? You’ve never had a crush on a girl who didn’t like you back before?”

“Not one on a girl no” Ronan sneers back but then freezes once he realised what he said.

The annoyance on Adam’s face vanishes and the blankness from before has replaced it but Ronan can’t focus on it before Noah snorts and raises a fist to his face, causing Ronan to turn and hesitantly fist bump him back.

“Well one on a boy then” Adam hurriedly continues, “I know it’s weird because it’s Blue but like I said I don’t like her like that anymore. Thankfully too, I mean have you guys seen the way she eyes up Gansey when he’s driving?”

Ronan and Noah but laugh and nod, Ronan briefly wonders when’s the last time he laughed this much but the answer escapes him and shortly afterwards so does the question itself.

“Alright okay so seeing as Ronan came out, I might as well too.”

Ronan frowns, turning towards him, Noah had already told Ronan that he was pansexual and had assumed he’d told Adam too, given how close they’d been recently.

“I’m…well, I’ve been doing some research recently and I’m pretty sure, well, actually I’m definitely sure that I’m non-binary.”

From the corner of his eye, Ronan sees a gentle, kind smile spread onto Adam’s face,

“Thanks for telling us Noah, that’s really great. Would you…would you like us to use other pronouns sometimes or all the time or…?”

Noah shakes his head but he’s smiling brightly, “I’m okay with he, I just don’t think I like to be called, you know, a boy or anything.”

Adam nods in understanding and then Noah’s eyes drift from him to Ronan, who smiles back at him and raises a fist, causing Noah to laugh and fist bump him just as they’d done not even two minutes ago.

They don’t share many more secrets after that, Ronan and Noah tell Adam of the time Ronan almost threw Noah out of the window while Adam recalls memories of his old school and the ridiculous things people did there.

But most of all they just sit and talk about useless stuff, the remaining cans lay unopened and it’s past one in the morning when they decide to go home, even though Gansey texted them two hours beforehand that it was safe to come back to Monmouth.

Adam drives Noah and Ronan home in the BMW and when he declines their invitation to crash at Monmouth, Ronan insists that he take his car to get back to St. Agnes and Adam tries to refuse but after Ronan’s stern look, he caves, getting back in the car and driving away after he murmurs a soft goodnight to them.

Gansey’s still awake when Noah and Ronan walk in, the candles have been blown out, the fairy lights are turned off and the kitchen smells of the vegetarian meal that the three of them cooked a few hours before that Ronan wouldn’t dare eat but knows Blue would love.

He’s lying on his bed, glasses off, hands under his head, staring up at the ceiling, barely noticing their presence when they enter the room.

“How was it?” Ronan whispers, somehow reluctant to talk too loudly in the dark and stillness of the room

“Perfect” Gansey replies, voice just as low.

Ronan smiles and says no more, guiding Noah to his room before going to his own and shutting the door quietly.

As he drifted off to sleep pretty easily that night, Ronan thought that yeah the night had gone pretty great for all of them.

That night he dreams of a woman with grey hair and a comforting smile in the supermarket, a giggling Noah, full of happiness and Adam smiling across from him in Cabeswater before taking a sip from his can of cake and walking further into the woods, leaving Ronan with no other choice but to follow.


	9. First Name Basis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan feels like he has a tendency to be drawn towards things that aren't good for him.

When a large hand grips his wrist and squeezes tight before pulling him into one of the English classrooms, Ronan internally thinks that he knew he shouldn’t have dragged himself to school today.

Pleasing Gansey for one morning certainly wasn’t worth this hassle.

Pulling his free hand up to punch whoever it is in the face, he falters when his vision clears and Kavinsky’s cocky face is in front of him, hand leaving Ronan’s wrist long enough to roughly slam him against the back of the classroom door, effectively closing it with a bang.

Normally Ronan would pray nobody would come and investigate the source of a noise he made but today he hopes someone will.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Kavinsky says lowly, stepping close enough to him that Ronan can smell the cigarette smoke on his breath, almost choking on it.

But Ronan Lynch doesn’t go down without a fight and he doesn’t have to put up with this if he doesn’t want to.

And Ronan certainly doesn’t want to.

His palms are hot as they slam into Kavinsky’s chest, sending him stumbling backwards into the teacher’s desk but Kavinsky’s eyes merely light up as his smile twists into a grin.

“It’s none of your business.” Ronan says slowly and clearly

“What do you-“

“I’m done K” Ronan states, standing straighter and bringing his burning hands to his sides, hoping Kavinsky can’t see how raw and red they are.

Kavinsky coos and sits on the edge of the desk, “Aw but darling, you need me.”

“I don’t need anyone” Ronan all but growls

Tutting, Kavinsky tilts his head to the side, “Not even your precious King?”

Rage bubbles in Ronan’s chest but he forces it down, taking three breaths in and out before speaking again, refusing to indulge him by mentioning Gansey’s name.

“I can control my powers myself. I don’t need that from you anymore. I don’t need the drugs, I don’t need you Kavinsky and I don’t want you.”

The smile finally slips from Kavinsky’s face and after Ronan takes a second to blink, the patronising gaze has been replaced by two dark eyes filled with pure hatred.

“I thought you were wiser than to go against me Lynch.”

Ronan isn’t easily scared, especially not by Joseph Kavinsky but at the sound of that drawling, threatening voice, Ronan almost loses his nerve.

But he’s not a Lynch for nothing.

“I’m not going against you” Ronan tries to say firmly “I just don’t want to be involved in…this anymore.”

Kavinsky scoffs, a sarcastic smile present on his face once more that highlights the dark bags under his eyes.

“You sound like you’re dumping me Ronan, I never realised we were close in that way, though I certainly wouldn’t complain if that’s what you wanted.”

Gritting his teeth, Ronan shakes his head, “Stop K, just, God for once in your life just stop. The games, the fire, the drugs, the anger for everything and anything, can’t you just stop for one second? I don’t want this, I don’t want you. Just leave me alone”

Everything falls from Kavinsky’s face except for his mask, his eyes flicker between Ronan’s wide blue eyes for a few seconds before he launches himself off of the table and stalks towards Ronan.

The only thing Ronan registers is Kavinsky’s hands rising up in the air and Ronan’s unsure whether he’s going to grab him and kiss him or knock him out but suddenly Ronan’s being pushed forward from behind by the door opening and he whirls around and faces whoever’s there.

“Ronan, I thought I heard your voice.”

Henry Cheng’s smile is as bright as always with his hair gelled in that perfect over-comb style that’s really popular right now, according to some show Noah was watching last week while Ronan helped him paint his nails.

Kavinsky whirls around to Henry while Ronan leans against the wall and feels his stomach uncontrollably twist when he sees that Kavinsky is shaking.

“What do you want Cheng?” Kavinsky snarls

Henry doesn’t even bat an eyelid at Kavinsky and instead turns to Ronan who can feel just how pale his face must look and the last thing he needs is Henry thinking he’s terrified of Kavinsky, or that he’s terrified of anything for that matter. 

“I’ve to bring Ronan to detention. I’m supervising today.” Henry says to Kavinsky but his eyes are on Ronan, they’re clear and open, briefly they glance at the door and then at Ronan again with a twitch of a raised eyebrow.

If Ronan didn’t know he were lying, he’d be sure Henry was telling the truth.

The annoying smart ones are somehow always the best liars.

Feeling Kavinsky’s eyes on him, Ronan feels the itch in his leg muscles to run so he nods at Henry and says in a voice that isn’t supposed to sound so quiet and raspy.

“Yeah alright, let’s go.”

Henry waits for Ronan to walk out of the door before following him; they’ve just reached the corner of the corridor when Kavinsky calls after him.

“You’ll realise you need me again soon Lynch! I won’t be as nice when you come crawling back so be warned!”

Clenching his fists until his fingernails dig into his palms that feel as though they’ve burnt themselves, Ronan opens the door to one of the side exits to the school and takes in a gulp of fresh air.

Leaning against the prickly stone wall, Ronan closes his eyes as he tries to stop his head from spinning. 

When he opens his eyes, Henry’s standing across from him, creases in his forehead as he watches Ronan with something akin to worry.

He doesn’t ask Ronan what happened or if he’s alright and Ronan doesn’t tell him.

They stare at each other for a minute or two and then Henry says, “I texted Gansey while you, em, were thinking and he’s going to leave his study group early. He should be here soon.”

Ronan rubs a hand over his forehead, dreading the questions that’ll come from Gansey and his first instinct is to scream at Henry about what the hell he was thinking but he reins the temptation in.

Control yourself, he reminds himself, don’t let this get the best of you.

So he just nods and closes his eyes again and murmurs a, “Thanks”

Another five minutes of silence passes and then Ronan’s phone beeps; grateful for the distraction from Kavinsky’s sneer and snake eyes in his head, Ronan takes the phone he rarely uses from his pocket and sees a message from Gansey.

‘Hey I’m out the front in the pig, you need me to come get you?’

Ronan types back with his now cooled down fingers, ‘No. Be there in a minute’

Stuffing it back into his pocket, Ronan looks up at Henry who’s watching him curiously.

“I better get going.”

Henry nods and Ronan takes that as a response so he turns and walks to the right but stops at the sound of Henry calling his name.

Turning back to face him, Henry has stepped away from the wall and is looking straight at him with a fierce gaze.

“You’re better than Joseph Kavinsky, you know? Way better and you deserve someone better too. You’re really strong to stand up to him.”

Actually finding some comfort in those words, Ronan nods and turns away, walking to find Gansey again.

Henry’s words ring through his mind as he walks around the school grounds to the parking lot. Of all the people in this damn school and all of the unusual things Ronan has seen, Henry Cheng seems to be the person who’s surprising him the most recently.

The only question Gansey asks in the pig when Ronan clambers into it is, “Are you okay?”

“Yes” Ronan says, wanting Gansey to hear the truth in his voice so he speaks instead of nodding.

Gansey takes him in for a moment before clearing his throat and saying, “Okay” and starting up the pig with the usual rattle and bang that somehow makes Ronan feel safe after everything that just happened.

So he sinks into the passenger seat, turns his head towards the window but closes his eyes so he can feel the warmth of the sun on his face without having to see anything of this town and focuses on where he is now and who with and how that’s all that should really matter.

…

Kavinsky refuses to leave his mind for the next few days, even after Ronan blocks him on his phone after receiving five calls and twelve text messages from him, all more threatening than the last.

But strangely enough, Ronan’s feeling okay.

He still craves something more but Kavinsky isn’t his drug anymore, Henry’s words have stuck with him, an outsider’s voice confirming Gansey’s countless reassurances that he wasn’t Kavinsky; that he was better and stronger than him because Ronan cared and Ronan meant something.

A part of Ronan couldn’t help but think that Kavinsky had meant something to him, in a fucked up sort of way, as if Kavinsky represented everything that the deepest, darkest parts of Ronan wanted himself to be.

The fire burning underneath his skin hasn’t been so intense since Tuesday when it happened. In fact if anything he’s feeling cold, especially right now in the open-air skate-park with his leather jacket pulled all the way up to the top but the hairs on the back of his neck still standing tall to face the bitter wind from behind where he’s sitting on a metal bench. 

Looking over at Noah who’s standing beside the other contestants, his nerves are clear to anyone who knows him.

Unlike the others and how Noah usually is, he isn’t jumping from one foot to the other, bouncing with energy or anxiety, instead he’s focused and still, his only movement is the clamping down of his teeth continuously along his bottom lip.

The baby blue skateboard of Noah’s is in his left hand and the white stripes along it are just a small bit paler than Noah’s skin tone, the clear difference being there’s glitter on the skateboard and none on Noah himself, not this morning anyway.

Skateboarding is just a hobby for Noah, something he does to make others smile, to make himself smile because for some reason it makes him feel alive the same way driving fast with the windows down does for Ronan.

Noah doesn’t take this competition or any competition seriously but Ronan knows that it’s less that he doesn’t want to win and more like he’s afraid to lose.

Ronan’s eyes drift away from Noah and turn to Gansey and Blue sitting on the bench beside Ronan’s but still a few inches away that he would have to walk over to them in order to have a proper conversation.

He certainly doesn’t mind though, Ronan’s perfectly content watching from the side-line as Gansey drapes his arm over Blue’s shoulder. He’s not sure whether they’re technically boyfriend and girlfriend or not but Ronan’s pretty sure they are when Gansey whispers something in Blue’s ear and Blue smiles, a blush sparkling her cheeks and they suddenly look like the couple on every Nicholas Sparks novel that Ronan has ever seen.

Not that he’s seen many.

Plus he’s got Adam sitting beside him, bottle of non-brand soda in hand as he looks around the skate park, calculating every person and board around them.

“When did Noah first get into this?” Adam asks after ten minutes of comfortable silence between them.

Ronan would have probably preferred the silence but he can’t exactly stay silent when Adam asked him something.

“Back when he was a kid I think, I don’t know.”

Adam nods and then one of the three judges stands and taps their microphone three times so they both turn to look at her.

The judge in question is your stereotypical skater girl without being stick thin and has short dark purple hair, a lip piercing and a snapback, Ronan would guess that she’s about 22 but he can’t tell from this far back. Beside her sits a clear college kid with thick black glasses, wearing a t-shirt and jeans while the last judge looks to be in her 40s but smiles with her pink painted lips and watches with keen interest and knowledge.

Noah’s in the third last category 17-20 year olds so they’ve a bit of a wait as they watch the children do their small little flips that in fairness Ronan wouldn’t be able to do so he claps along with Adam and of course the lovebirds nearby.

Swallowing the wrong way about halfway through the second group, Ronan coughs three times and then Adam leans forward, grabs the now half-empty bottle of dark soda and hands it to him with an expressionless face.

“Here”

The coughing suddenly stops then, a valid reason not to accept Adam’s offer, germs and hygiene and all that bullshit is another excuse but Ronan takes the bottle and drinks two slugs from it even though he’s not thirsty and it actually does sooth his throat a little.

“Thanks” Ronan says gruffly, shoving it back to Adam again which would have caused the liquid inside it to spill if so much of it wasn’t already gone.

Shrugging, Adam takes a sip himself and instantly Ronan has to turn away back to the slides and skateboards.

It continues on for over three quarters of an hour, Adam transfixed by the jumps and turns made by the various skaters while Ronan just leans back and his eyes flit from the skaters, to Noah standing to the side with a few of his friends getting closer and closer to the starting line, to Gansey and Blue’s intertwined fingers and then to Adam who’s back is bent as he leans forward, hands clasped together as he watches as if this were a highly competitive football final he’s thoroughly invested in.

Noah’s fifth in his category and Ronan doesn’t like thinking it but the ones before him were brilliant, he just hopes Noah’s nerves don’t get the better of him and of course they don’t.

Noah’s on for about three minutes, all the while Ronan absentmindedly finds himself leaning over his knees much like Adam, on the edge of their bench as they watch Noah’s spins and flips and other fancy looking stylish movements on a piece of glittering board and wheels.

From the look of awe on Noah’s competitors’ faces and the fact that Noah hasn’t stumbled or fallen so far, he gathers that he’s doing pretty well.

When Noah finishes, he’s out of breath but wearing a grin so wide that more than one of his dimples shows and when he turns and sees Ronan, Gansey and Blue standing and clapping for him, well Blue standing and cheering as well, his grin widens.

Adam hesitates for only a few seconds before standing and clapping loudly as well, Ronan sees the proud smile on his face from the corner of his eye and he’s to look away from him again.

Noah comes second in his category and Ronan’s throat hurts a bit from yelping in joy and pride, so much so that Adam wordlessly offers him his cheap Coke that’s not brand Coke but still the same thing anyway and Ronan takes a gulp of it once more before nodding in thanks.

Practically bouncing in the back seat of the pig on the way home, Noah wears his silver medal around his neck proudly as he chatters happily about the new friends he made or old friends he caught up with today.

Gansey and Blue both get involved, asking questions about their names, what they’re like, if there is another competition after this; Ronan thinks they act out the proud parental role extremely well.

Ronan and Adam choose to just exchange glances of amusement to one another over Noah who sits in between them; though they both did congratulate Noah when he first ran over to them after shaking the judges’ hands.

Monmouth isn’t exactly decorated for a party when they get back so Ronan and Adam go back out for sodas and sweets for a miniature celebration at home while the others set up. Ronan buys a can of actual Coca-Cola and hands it to Adam after they pay.

Frowning, Adam stares at the cold can now lying in his rough hand.

“What’s this?”

Snorting, Ronan moves the plastic bag he’s carrying of their purchases to his other hand, “It’s a drink Parrish, for earlier”

Adam narrows his eyes at it, still refusing to look at Ronan, “You didn’t-“

Groaning, Ronan turns away from him and walks towards his car, “It’s an insult if anything, if you’re going to ruin your teeth with shitty drinks then at least drink nice ones.”

Walking again faster to fall into step beside him, Adam mutters, “Oh because beer is so good for you.”

Ronan scoffs, “Oh it certainly isn’t but the difference is I tend to be drawn towards things that aren’t good for me.”

Their eyes meet at the same time, Adam’s wide and wearing the same expression as the one when he’s rushing to solve a puzzling question Gansey proposed while simply Ronan blinks back at Adam, wondering why things keep slipping out around this boy with rough hands and faint freckles that he barely realises he’s thinking half of the time.

They shove the bags in the backseat of the BMW, Adam still cradling his coke can in his hands and Ronan would snipe at him that he’ll turn it warm if he keeps doing that but then remembers he’s the one with burning hands not Adam so it’ll happen an awful lot slower for Adam than it would for him.

Taking in a deep breath and starting the car, Ronan puts his foot on the peddle and speeds off for Monmouth. When Adam grips the door handle, Ronan takes a brief second to glance over at him to make sure he’s not looking like he’s going to throw up like Gansey does whenever Ronan drives.

He’s not, instead Adam has his head leaned back on the headrest, eyes gently closed and a wide grin plastered on his face.

Ronan turns back to the road and thinks that yeah he definitely has a tendency to be drawn to things that aren’t good for him.

…

It’s a few hours later when everything unravels and that statement said in humour proves to be true.

It just happened, not out of nowhere but after the topic of conversation drifted from Noah, to food, to Gansey and Blue, to how they never told anyone of their feelings before their date, to other secrets they might have.

Then Noah looked at Ronan sitting on the kitchen table and Ronan looked at Noah sitting on the countertop with half a fizzy jelly snake sticking out of his mouth.

Ronan nodded and then nodded again when Noah raised his eyebrows in an “Are you sure?” motion.

Blue had said it jokingly, “So we’d a few secrets, you can’t say none of you have them either! And if you’re going to lecture Gansey and me then you can start spilling a few of your own.”

Gansey’s eyes glance over at Ronan and Noah before choosing to look at Blue’s thumb stroking his wrist while Adam just stares out of the window, his hands lightly gripping the likely empty Coca-Cola can Ronan bought for him. 

“Well” Noah coughs “Actually I’m a…well it’s not a big deal but I’m an angel…literally. Not just that I’m amazing and kind and angelic but I’m actually you know an angel.”

His eyes flit from Blue to Adam who’s turned to look at him and then to Ronan, those eager, relieved eyes saying what words can’t.

Ronan clenches his fists before releasing them and saying, “Yeah and I’m a demon too, just so you know.”

Both Adam and Blue whirl around to Ronan then, eyes bulging out of their heads, making them look startlingly similar for a split second.

But quickly Blue smiles and says cheerfully, “Oh, well that’s great. Of course nothing’s changed and I still love you anyway” then she turns to shoot a look at Ronan, “Except Ronan obviously” but there’s no truth behind that last statement. 

Sneering, Ronan takes a gulp from the fruity beer Noah wanted from the store that doesn’t have nearly enough alcohol in it for his liking and says, “Thanks dollface”

Blue actually growls which causes Ronan to smirk but Gansey hastily breaks the tension by standing and exclaiming about a needed search for the speaker remote so they could play music.

When they’ve found it and Noah’s choosing a playlist, Ronan’s turning away from them to go back to the kitchen/bathroom to take a piss when he sees Adam quietly slip out of the front door and decides it can wait.

None of the others notice Adam’s exit so it’s easier for Ronan to follow him and when he goes outside to the brisk cool air, he finds Adam standing beside his bike, not unlocking it or even touching it, just staring at it.

The wheels in his head are practically visible to the naked eye and Ronan’s sure Adam is debating whether he should leave Monmouth right now and never return.

“If you hate us because you found out what we are then you can fuck off.”

Adam whirls around and his mouth drops open as he shakes his head.

“What? No, that’s not-“

“Noah would be devastated. He completely adores you but staying around and not accepting him would hurt him more than walking away right now.”

“I don’t care who he is or who you are. I don’t.”

“Then why are you considering running away?” Ronan asks, folding his arms and speaking the assumption as if it’s fact and from how Adam glances away in guilt, he knows he’s right.

“Just shut up Lynch.” Adam says so lowly it’s almost a hiss

“Flames only come out of my hands Parrish, not my mouth if that’s what you’re worried about.”

A laugh escapes Adam as he looks up at Ronan again, his eyes cold, “I’m not scared of you and I don’t like Noah any less. I’m hardly one to judge people on who they are, okay?”

Ronan frowns, “What do you mean?”

Adam’s face remains remarkably the same and his body stays still but a tiny tint of blood rushes to his cheeks and if it weren’t so cold and Ronan wasn’t standing so close he might have missed it.

“Nothing” Adam says, his voice sounding cold and removed as he steps back “I forgot I’ve an early shift tomorrow, please tell Noah congratulations again for me but I have to go.”

As he turns and kneels to unlock his bike, Ronan looks down at him and ignoring the twist inside, he says, “I never took you for someone who runs away Parrish.”

Adam stands and Ronan just about hears the breath he lets out that doesn’t sound fully even as he gets on his bike and without looking back at Ronan, he states clearly, “You can’t really talk Ronan.”

Cycling away into the night, Adam doesn’t stop to see how the use of his first name in that dark tone cuts through Ronan deeper than anytime Gansey said it in his berating voice or the few times Kavinsky whispered it in his ear or the infinite times Declan shouted it after him while he was walking away from another one of their fights.

Looking at the ground, Ronan shuts his eyes and has to do those ridiculous breathing exercises a few times to cool his hands down and force himself to ignore the multiple feelings whirling in his stomach before he can go inside.

Noah tilts his head at him when he finally re-joins the party and asks quietly, “Is everything okay?”

Ronan paints on a smile, “Course, Parrish’s just wrecked, I think we wore him out and he’s work tomorrow as always. He wanted me to say congrats again.”

He walks to the kitchen/bathroom to finally go to the toilet and when he returns all he wants to do is lie on his own bed and play his own music at the highest volume with his earphones in but then he sees Gansey and Noah badly dancing to some Beyoncé song with two massive grins on their faces.

And suddenly he finds himself wanting to stay, if for no other reason than to crack jokes at their expense and so he sits on Gansey’s bed beside Blue who’s taping the whole thing on her phone and he pushes the memory of Adam’s face of mixed emotions and his cutting words to the back of his mind for now.

He’ll have plenty of time to dwell on the exact details of the encounter tonight when he inevitably can’t sleep but focusing on excruciating details of Adam Parrish is a welcome distraction to relieving Kavinsky’s hands pushing against him over and over in his head.

But at least he knew Kavinsky, he knew what to expect from him.

Even after all of this time, Adam Parrish still remains a mystery to Ronan.

Maybe it’s about time Ronan sees if he could change that.


	10. The Barns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mystery of Adam Parrish begins to unravel and Adam judges Ronan's taste in music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, this chapter isn't too long but quite important so I hope that's okay :)
> 
> Thanks to all of you leaving comments on this fic! I read all of them and squeal at all of them, they mean a lot to me I promise. So thanks so much.

By the time November begins to draw to a close, Ronan has accepted his feelings for Adam Parrish.

He’s not too sure when those feelings began, perhaps the first day in Latin this year when he walked in seconds before the bell to see Adam sitting in a chair in the second row while everyone else was standing in groups or sitting on tables.

Those hands lay on the table with their long thin fingers loosely intertwined and while Ronan had only caught a brief glance at them before walking past the stranger at the time to take the seat behind him, his mind kept reverting back to them while their teacher began the usual general questions about families, hobbies and what we did last summer in Latin.

He hadn’t thought much about who the new guy was for the following few weeks, his name or anything else for that matter but ridiculously whenever he walked into Latin and saw him sitting there, revising notes or looking over flashcards, Ronan’s eyes unconsciously flittered down to the boy’s hands.

Having feelings for Adam isn’t the problem, Ronan isn’t a cartoon stereotypical ridiculous schoolgirl who blushes the shade of a tomato whenever he sees the pretty boy with the light freckles biting o his thick bottom lip.

The feelings will pass, Adam’s just another dream he needs to wake up from, except he’s not a nightmare like most of Ronan’s dreams.

That doesn’t mean Ronan’s happy about this pathetic little crush, or thinks Adam’s the greatest thing since beer or the invention of cars.

No, in fact, Ronan’s rather pissed at Adam right now because of their fight only three days before.

Not only did Adam with his wide guarded blue eyes and skin that’s soft everywhere but his hands make Ronan fall for him but he also decided Ronan wasn’t good enough for him without even knowing his feelings.

Ronan could live with that, he’d never think he was good enough for Adam Parrish anyway, from the persistence and effort that boy puts into every single thing he does, Ronan’s unsure whether anybody deserves him but that aside he’s still furious with Adam for disregarding Noah.

What’s wrong with angels anyway? They’re literally angelic and kind and sure there are bad ones but Noah’s not one of them.

Noah’s…Noah’s all bright smiles and laughing too hard until he’s clutching his stomach with tears falling down his pale cheeks, Noah is bad dancing and soft hugs and the only person other than Matthew who Ronan lets hug him and who Ronan actually hugs back.

So if Adam thinks he’s going to ignore Noah just because he has wings on his back and a colourful past then he’s got another thing coming.

When Adam opens the door to his St. Agnes apartment that Saturday morning, there are thin but clear shadowy lines underneath his eyes and his hair is tousled from sleep. He’s dressed in an oversized grey t-shirt and black boxers and he’s not wearing any socks.

Ronan almost feels a twist of guilt at waking Adam from his obviously much needed sleep, almost.

“Ronan? What are you doing here?” Adam’s voice is soft and genuinely confused and Ronan swallows because he’s never heard Adam sound like that, especially not towards him.

“We’re going for a drive.”

Opening his mouth, likely to argue, Ronan speaks before Adam can say no,

“I checked with Gansey, he says you’re not working until five.”

Ronan has half a mind to ask Adam for his schedule every week so he can plan these sorts of things instead of asking Gansey who’s likely to get suspicious soon if Ronan keeps asking.

“I need to study for the winter exams.”

Ronan doesn’t point out those exams are still weeks away and he certainly won’t be studying for them.

“I’ll have you back by 2 at the latest” Ronan shrugs, folding his arms and leaning against the doorway.

Adam stands there for a moment before turning and declaring “Give me five minutes to get dressed” before grabbing some bundled up clothes on a chair and taking the three steps across the room to the bathroom.

Before Ronan can suggest he can go wait in the car outside, Adam has already closed the bathroom door shut tightly.

Flexing his hands, Ronan can’t help but let his eyes wander Adam’s room.

Because it’s not an apartment, it’s a room, only a small bit larger than Ronan’s own at Monmouth.

There’s a single bed squashed into the right wall, a desk beside it with the brown jacket Adam’s been wearing since it got cold hung over the back of the chair that’s shoved underneath it.

His school bag lies beside his bag, and a mountain of books and copies sit rather unbalanced with it but they don’t fall over as they’re kept upright by the thin wardrobe that almost blends into the wall.

Adam’s place isn’t messy or even cluttered but that’s because it doesn’t particularly look lived in.

A conversation from a few weeks ago that Ronan only half listened to drifts back into his head.

Noah had asked Adam what he was most looking forward to and Adam had softly replied with no hesitation, “Move out of Henrietta for college”.

Maybe Adam has started packing already.

Ronan doesn’t blame him, if it weren’t for the Barns and Matthew, Ronan would have left years ago but now his life at Monmouth has been added to that list and he never thinks about leaving Henrietta anymore.

It was just a town now, where the best pizzeria he’s ever been to is, where he fought his brother in a handful of different locations, where he goes to church with that same brother every Sunday for their other brother’s sake and where he met his best friends.

He doesn’t associate it with his father anymore, that’s for the Barns and maybe someday he’ll be able to think of the Barns as just home.

Adam exits the bathroom wearing maroon sweatpants and a thin black hoodie with his hair looking significantly less tousled than before. 

Ronan almost misses the strands with a slight curl falling on his forehead.

“You could have sat down” Adam says without looking at him, dumping his used clothes in a pile on the otherwise spotless dresser.

Shrugging is Ronan’s only response.

“Right” Adam declares, turning to face him, his eyes set right between Ronan’s, “I’m ready whenever you are”

…

It would be a lie for Ronan to claim that he had planned to bring Adam to the Barns that morning but when they take the turn and drive into the eerily familiar driveway, Ronan’s not surprised this is where he’s taken them.

Adam’s face is still turned towards the window as it has been this whole car ride and he stares out at the garden and then the acres of field behind it.

If it were two years ago, Adam would see sheep and cows out there as well. But it’s not two years ago and now there’s nothing but grass and Ronan’s suppressed memories out there.

Ronan turns the car off, unbuckles his seatbelt and leans his head back against the headrest as he exhales and feels his hands clench into fists without his mind telling them to.

That’s when Adam finally looks at him, eyebrows ever so slightly raised before his fingers move to turn the radio off as if somehow he just knows Ronan has something important to say.

So then Ronan speaks.

“You were right” Ronan says, staring through the windshield, “I do run away from things but I’m not sure how you know that.”

Ronan runs away from here, the Barns every single day. He runs from actually sitting down and sorting out the conflict with Declan, he runs from Gansey’s gentle reminders of responsibility and control and more recently he runs at full speed from his feelings for the boy with the freckled hands and scarred knuckles sitting beside him right now.

“And I,” Ronan sighs “Well I guess I don’t want to run anymore. I don’t see the point in it. I’m tired of running.”

“So what are you going to do?” Adam whispers as if he’s not sure it’s right to ask.

Ronan looks out the window, at the stormy sky overlooking the long fields and at his father’s old shed to the right, his eyes follow the old wooden fence around it that needs another coat of paint and has needed one for a good few years.

As much as he loves Monmouth, this is his home, regardless of the constant memories of his late father everywhere he looks.

“My father wouldn’t have wanted me to leave here.” Ronan says, clear assurance in his voice as he speaks the words he’s been thinking for the past four months but hasn’t truly believed he’d actually try and do until Adam struck that cord with him the other night.

“I’m not allowed to come back, we shouldn’t even be here.” Rona continues “But I’m going to appeal the Elders’ decision. So I can move back here with Matthew if he wants to. Declan won’t move, he doesn’t…this isn’t his home anymore. But even if he doesn’t approve I’m going to try. For Matthew’s sake, he deserves to grow up here and not in some stuffy Aglionby dorm.”

There’s silence in the car for a few minutes but then Adam unbuckles his seatbelt and cracks his knuckles once making Ronan supress a cringe.

“It’s harder than you’d think” Adam admits softly and when Ronan turns, frowning at him but Adam has his ocean blue eyes trained on the dashboard, “Talking to the Elders, appealing something. They don’t like to be proven wrong or change their mind.”

Ronan’s mouth falls open an inch and he feels like he’s stopped breathing but his heartbeat echoingly thumps in his ears until he’s worried it’ll deafen him.

“How, what do you mean? How would you know?”

Adam turns to him then, eyes meeting Ronan’s desperately confused ones and then it’s Adam letting out a shaky exhale before speaking calmly and clearly as he always does.

“Because I used to be an angel,” Ronan can’t help but notice how he doesn’t explain why he’s not anymore “The nuns at St. Agnes took me in after my hearing and numerous appeals because I’d nowhere else to go. Some of them are fallen angels too so they understood and…helped me through the aftermath.”

The way Adam reveals the last bit, quiet and reserved Ronan can tell that Adam doesn’t want to talk about it so he doesn’t ask, even though he has a thousand questions.

He wants to ask what happened, if Gansey, Blue and Noah know but somehow Ronan suspects the answer to that is no which means Adam chose Ronan to share this with, so why him?

But Ronan doesn’t ask because he can see Adam’s fingertips shaking from where they rest on the door and his right trouser leg.

Then Ronan laughs, partly to ease the tension, partly because he can’t believe he’s sitting in his car, at the Barns with Adam fucking Parrish, fallen angel and the boy who’s a complete mystery to the entire world.

Except apparently Adam has decided he no longer wants to remain a complete mystery to Ronan.

Ronan doesn’t let his mind wander to what that might mean.

“You’re fucking unreal Parrish.”

Adam’s eyes widen and his nostrils flare for a few seconds but before either of them can say anything, he relaxes, shoulders dropping and lips spreading into a sweet smile, realising Ronan hadn’t meant that as an insult.

They sit there for awhile, they talk about Sister Máire and Adam tells him that she talks about him a lot to which Ronan grins and says “Only good things I hope”

“Of course” Adam reassures him gently “She loves you…heaven knows why”

Ronan snorts loud enough to be heard over the pelting rain falling around the parked car.

They don’t talk about their argument, they don’t further discuss what Adam used to be or what Ronan is. Instead they play Ronan’s music and Adam complains about it.

“I can’t believe you like the Murder Squash song” Adam says laughing “Actually no I can, you’re you. You probably wrote it yourself.”

“Hey!” Ronan exclaims but he’s smiling, “It’s a masterpiece, you and Gansey just don’t appreciate real music.”

Adam shakes his head, “This isn’t real music; this is torture.”

So Adam puts in a few of Ronan’s CDs and flicks through the songs while Ronan stays silent and simply watches Adam’s expression change from song to song.

He doesn’t like the loud, electric music with barely any lyrics from the way he scrunches up his nose and skips the songs quickly. But Adam listens to six full Led Zeppelin songs, including Stairway to Heaven and Whole Lotta Love, the latter of which he grinned when he heard it and said “Oh I know this one” and mouthed along some of the words. Then he only skips a few songs on the Wolfe Tones album which Ronan takes as quite a success.

“Okay so you’re taste in music isn’t terrible” Adam relents after the CD ends and Ronan catches the time on the car clock and realises they’ve been sitting there simply listening to music without speaking for more than an hour, “But next time I’m bringing my own CDs”

Ronan raises an eyebrow, “Next time?”

Adam looks at him defiantly and nods, “Yes, next time.”

Blinking, Ronan forces himself to look away from Adam before he does something stupid and murmurs a soft, “Okay”

They drive back to Henrietta in silence, Adam looks back out the window and Ronan tries to hide a ridiculous smile that’s tempting his lips.

Ronan doesn’t look back at the Barns as they drive away, the sheets of rain would block his view anyway but leaving this time is easier than the last time he was here, it still causes his heart to clench in resistance but a lot less painfully than before.

It’s one o’ clock by the time they arrive back in Henrietta so they stop in Nino’s and share a pizza for lunch, Adam insists on paying and Ronan doesn’t want to deny him so he simply rolls his eyes and gets them a seat.

They stay there for an hour, eating, rolling their eyes and making fun of the rubbish music playing over the speaker that Adam admits is ten times worse than Ronan’s, excluding the Murder Squash song of course.

After Adam finishes eating half of the pizza and the last slice that Ronan pretends he’s not hungry enough to eat, he begins building a tower with the ketchup packets.

Ronan tries to copy him but his ones fall almost the second they touch the other. 

Adam sniggers as he watches Ronan fail again and again.

“Shut up” Ronan mutters, staring at the furiously irritating packets that continue to slip through his sweaty palms onto the table.

“It’s okay” Adam says genuinely, “I only got good at them at the warehouse, there’s not a lot to do waiting for deliveries so my co-worker and I used to do this”

Ronan hums in acknowledgement before shoving them aside, “Fine okay I can’t do it but I’ll show you what I can do.”

He pulls out a napkin and moves the cardboard box from the pizza aside so he can fold the napkin over on the table just like his mum used to teach him to.

Ronan tries not to notice how Adam leans forward to look at his fingers’ movements more carefully.

“There” Ronan says after three minutes, handing him the folded up napkin in the shape of a King’s crown, it usually only takes him one minute but with Adam’s curious eyes watching him, it took him a bit longer, “You should wear that to work”

Adam tenderly takes it from him and smiles before lifting it to his own head, balancing it on his hair with one hand,

“Hey look, I’m Gansey”

And with that Ronan bursts out laughing and nods, “Stunning impression Parrish.”

Grinning, Adam places the crown back on the table and shrugs, “Unfortunately Blue isn’t here, I could have stared longingly at her and tripped over something then.”

Ronan shakes his head because Jesus this boy isn’t anything like what Ronan first expected when he saw him that day in Latin, “That would definitely be more accurate.”

Adam nods with a smile playing on his lips and something twists in Ronan’s stomach but this time he just can’t look away.

…

They drive back to St. Agnes a little after two, so Adam has plenty of time to make his shift at Boyd’s and get some study in before then.

The rain has stopped when he parks the BMW but the sun is still hidden behind the dark grey clouds.

Adam opens the door and says nothing more than, “I’ll see you later Lynch” before stepping out of the car.

Lynch is said far softer than how Adam said his first name only three evenings ago. His tone is soft, friendly, trusting and Ronan’s not sure anyone’s said his name that gently before and Ronan doesn’t understand how Adam could.

Instead of saying anything, Ronan simply nods and the second Adam closes the passenger seat door, Ronan’s speeding off out of the carpark and down the road.

He just about catches Adam still watching his car in the wing mirror before his eyes flicker back to the road ahead of him and turns the corner.

As he drives home, Ronan vows to do some research on fallen angels and if they could possibly have any powers even though his mother once told him they don’t.

Because Ronan’s almost positive that Adam Parrish has him under some damn spell because now that the mystery surrounding him has begun to unravel, Ronan’s only more interested in finding out more about him.

After a minute of reflecting on the possibility of Adam’s still present magic, his thoughts are brought back to the Barns and what he himself revealed there that he hadn’t expected to.

Knowing what Adam said about the Elders is true Ronan resigns himself to the knowledge that he’ll have to get help in order to win this battle on the horizon.

Unfortunately Ronan knows exactly whose help he needs for this specific task and to be perfectly honest, he’d rather ask anybody else in the entire world than them.

But this isn’t about Ronan’s pride; this is about his home, Matthew’s home.

And Ronan would rather let the fire controlling his body and mind take hold of him forever than sacrifice his brother’s happiness because Ronan couldn’t be the bigger man for once in his life.

He relents to the truth that he’ll have to ask them soon but right now, Ronan puts those thoughts to the back of his mind, turns on his music and drives the rest of the way back to Monmouth picturing Adam’s face only a short while ago as he listened to these very songs.

He definitely wouldn’t object to a ‘next time’ if that’s what Adam wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adam doesn't have a spell on Ronan don't worry, the poor thing is just struggling to fully accept his feelings for him.


	11. Asking For Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan asks for help and learns somethings about his brother in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of short so I'm posting it two days early :) Don't worry! Adam will be back in the next chapter I promise!

When the hard knocking on the thick wooden door of his apartment grew harsher and more insistent, Declan Lynch huffed, removed his arms from around his girlfriend’s waist and stalked to the door before wrenching it open.

Ronan looked up and down his older brother’s ruffled appearance and scoffed,

“Want me to come back another time?”

A blush flooded Declan’s pale cheeks and ignoring the faint “Yes” from the girl who was now sitting up on his couch behind him he steps aside and says, “No of course not, come in.”

The shock on Declan’s face is clear and Ronan can’t help but feel smug as he watches Declan run an embarrassed hand through his hair, attempting to make it as straight and slick as it normally is with great humorous failure.

Making his way into the room and spotting his brother’s latest girlfriend sitting there with a forced smile on her face, Ronan smirks, “Amy! So lovely to see you again!”

Ceasing her fiddling with her top that looks hurriedly buttoned, she frowns at him, “It’s Ashley”

Now that she says it, Ronan realises it was Ashley as it was the same girl who Declan had attempted to introduce to him a few weeks ago but Ronan had been too busy resisting the too common urge to punch his brother in the face to care.

Before he can apologise, not that he was realistically going to, she stands, casts a quick furtive look at Declan before murmuring, “I should probably go anyway…I’ll see you later Declan.”

Ronan folds his arms and leans against Declan’s hallway wall, watching Declan walk her to the door and mutter that he’ll call her later, a promise that he probably won’t fulfil unless this one is becoming more permanent than all the other girls.

She’s been around about a month now so she’s doing quite well so far and she’s smart too, probably leaving now because she suspects a brawl is about to unravel and would rather escape than be involved.

Declan shuts the door when Ashley leaves and slowly turns around to face him, face less contorted and surprisingly softer than when his girlfriend was in the room.

“Is something wrong?”

Shaking his head and then sighing, Ronan says, “No…well it’s complicated.”

Declan sucks in a breath but nods, “Is it Kavinsky? Were you arrested?”

“No, neither. Kavinsky and I, we aren’t acquaintances anymore.”

Ronan’s not sure what better way there is to describe what he and Kavinsky were. They certainly weren’t a thing, far from friends either but you couldn’t call them strangers, even though they never truly knew each other at all.

But that’s not why Ronan came to his brother’s apartment today for the first time since he moved out of the Aglionby dorms last spring.

“I’m glad to hear that” Declan admits and Ronan has to look away from those sincere eyes before his feet give in to the quaking desire to run from the room, “So what’s wrong?”

Like speeding down the highway, the words fly out of Ronan’s mouth before he can think twice.

“I went back to the Barns” He says first and just when Declan’s jaw tightens and he opens his mouth to berate him, Ronan stops him, “I know what you’re going to say but I don’t care. I don’t care about whatever ridiculous laws the Elders came up with to keep us away from the Barns because they’re complete and utter bullshit and you know it!”

He tells him how he wants to confront the Elders, meet with them and force them to change their minds because surely they can’t just do this.

As he speaks, he realises his words sound an awful lot like Matthew’s, the night Declan told them what must happen, that they’d have to be gone by the following morning and never return to their home again.

Back all that time ago neither Declan nor Ronan had any idea what to say to him because they knew Matthew was right. They were exhausted, grieving and thought the Elders were the most powerful thing in the world. And truth be told they probably could have used a break from the constant reminder of their father everywhere they looked in their childhood home.

But two years later here Ronan is repeating his younger brother’s words again because they’re still true. But now he’s changed, grown up and realised there are far more powerful things in this world than a committee of snotty, rich angels and demons who never liked the Lynch family anyway.

While he spoke with what he hoped was confidence, Declan stood across from him and never broke eye contact. He didn’t shake his head condescendingly nor nod in agreement and he certainly didn’t speak.

He just stood there, for once in his life not interrupting Ronan and correcting him on something or everything he was saying.

After Ronan explains what he wants to do and why, he takes a deep breath,

“I don’t care if you think I’m stupid but I came here to ask for your help with this. I know how hard it’ll be. I know…my reputation and my record won’t help, not to mention I’ve no clue about how law and order works let alone the Elders’ justice system. But if you don’t want to help that’s fine, more than fine, I’m not expecting anything. I’m doing this with or without you because, because it’s our home, well my home anyway and dad…dad wouldn’t have wanted this to happen. I know he wouldn’t have.”

When he finishes, Declan continues his silence for a few minutes and then he whispers that he’ll be back in a second before leaving the room.

He returns two minutes later, seconds after Ronan sat down on the armchair of the sitting room after pacing back and forth. In Declan’s arms is a rather large cardboard box which he gently drops down on the coffee table before sitting down on the couch opposite it and to the left of Ronan.

“Open it” Declan tells him, back straight against the couch, hands clasped in his lap as if he’s trying to resist throwing the contents of the box onto the table himself.

Frowning, Ronan leans forward to open the box and then starts taking things out from it piece by piece.

When he looks down at what’s in his hands, his throat closes in on itself and he has to let out a light shuddering breath.

It’s all documents, many detailing his father’s death with pictures attached of the ‘crime scene’ that had once just been the driveway to his home, which now was where he sat with Adam for a few hours listening to music and trying not to look at him.

There were folders and A4 copies of information regarding Niall Lynch, the Barns and the three Lynch brothers, all written in Declan’s pristine handwriting, although Ronan noticed at times it got a bit slanted and messy, noticeably when the writing spun words about their mother, Ronan or Matthew.

Ronan handles each item carefully, eyes raking over every few pages, trying to wrap his head around why his brother has all of this information that should probably be filed away in the storeroom of Henrietta police department.

“After dad died” Declan began quietly, his eyes carefully watching Ronan who was still staring transfixed at the box’s belongings, “And once you were living at Monmouth and Matthew and me at Aglionby, I spent the following year trying to do exactly what you are now.”

Ronan’s more surprised at how casually he’s discussing this as if it were about the weather than their father’s untimely death.

“Then I tried looking for the murderer” That’s what causes Ronan’s eyes to snap back to his brother’s “I wanted to do something, fix it so maybe it would make his death easier to live with. So you could move on, so we all could, but I couldn’t find any evidence. I found nothing.” Declan stares at the box on the table as if it were his enemy in disguise.

“I had meetings with the Elders, four in total.” Declan continues “They are stubborn Ronan and extremely powerful. They held a grudge against dad, we both already knew that. Dad was loud, unashamed of whom he was and worse of all he dared to marry an angel. Then he showed her off for the world to see with pride and love instead of keeping their marriage behind closed doors like the Elders would have much preferred. There was no way they were giving his sons the Barns easily.”

“Did dad not have a will or anything?”

“Yes” Declan says certainly as if he was expecting the question, “The Barns is yours.”

“Mine?” Ronan exclaims, eyes wide and mouth open slightly.

He’d been expecting the house to be the three of theirs, or Declan’s because he’s the eldest but certainly not solely his.

Declan shrugs, “I’m not bitter about it if that’s what you’re worried about. Matthew wouldn’t be either. It’s not surprising; dad loved you so much Ronan. I adore the Barns but it’s not home for me anymore, not the way it is for you.” Turning to Ronan, he looks straight in his eyes, “The will was the main reason I lost the case with the Elders. It wasn’t mine before they took it. It didn’t matter if I was the eldest and it didn’t matter at the last meeting when I was eighteen and you weren’t.”

Ronan nods, unable to decipher what exactly his emotions are regarding all of this new information.

“So you’ll help me?” Ronan asks, unclear if this is Declan’s help or him telling him that fighting the Elders is impossible.

“Of course I’ll help you” Declan says voice light and determined, “I’ll help you every step of the way but you’ve to fight for this Ronan. If you really want this then you’ve to fight for it and not quit. You can’t fight this like you fight me, your emotions or Aglionby. Don’t fight because you’re angry. Fight because you’ll do whatever it takes to win.”

Ronan’s known Declan his whole life and he’s never heard him sound so much like their father than right in that moment.

“I will” Ronan promises and he doesn’t lie.

Declan smiles, a genuine brotherly smile and leans over to gently punch Ronan’s shoulder so that it doesn’t hurt one bit.

And for the first time that Ronan can remember, he actually sincerely smiles back at Declan, who had secretly done so much for him that Ronan knows he’ll never be capable of thanking him for all of it.

So he hopes that the smile he gives him is enough, at least for now.

…

Gansey sits at his desk, pen weaving its way across the book, just millimetres above the page so it traces each line but doesn’t touch it so it won’t leave a mark.

When Ronan stumbles in through the door, large brown box in hand, Gansey looks up and his eyebrows shoot up in surprise, immediately standing as if to offer a helping hand.

“Is everything okay?”

Ronan drops the box with a crash before Gansey can make his way over to him and he stares right at Gansey, his eyes committed yet pleading.

“I need your help.”

Sitting back down on the chair slowly, Gansey looks up at Ronan, gauging whether this is ‘homework’ help, ‘I’m in trouble with the police’ help or just simply ‘best friend’ help.

But when his eyes flicker across Ronan’s face that’s twisted in knots, he realises that this is ‘Gansey this is really important and I need you’ help so he closes his book and pushes them to the top of his desk before he asking,

“What can I do?”


	12. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gangsey team up to help Ronan prepare for his appeal and Ronan, Gansey and Blue come across a strange, unlikely figure while buying some ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's so late, bits and pieces of this wouldn't come to me but thankfully it all came together. I hope you're all having a wonderful time whether you do or don't celebrate the holidays! :) If you do then Happy Holidays :)

Fingers digging into the loosening threads on his leather bands, Ronan looks up under his eyebrows at Gansey standing up straight against the sitting room wall, speaking in a more controlled voice than normal into his mobile phone but with a more relaxed tone than his Richard Campbell Gansey III’s voice.

That voice which can make anyone do anything eagerly, the one Blue called his President Mobile Phone voice though Ronan doesn’t understand why.

“Yes I understand, Helen” Gansey repeats for the second time, “Could you e-mail those documents to me when you get the time? No, your name won’t be mentioned.”

A pause

“No, you don’t have to do anything else”

A chattering of Ronan’s teeth as he reminds himself once more to fix the airlock in the radiator.

“No, I told you Helen I’m afraid I can’t tell you what this is for. “

Ronan sits back slouched against the couch and relaxes his jaw.

“Okay, thank you once more Helen, I really appreciate this. Yes, I’ll visit soon; yes I actually mean it this time. I’ve to go, okay, goodbye Helen.”

Gansey hangs up the phone and finally meets Ronan’s eyes.

“Well?” Ronan asks stiffly

Nodding, Gansey walks forwards and sits beside Ronan on the couch.

“She says there are documents on how to approach a meeting with the Elders, guidelines, strict rules and then a process you must go through after that, a court case of sorts. She’s sending them with the general details later.”

Ronan sighs at having to waste more time waiting but can’t exactly complain due to all the effort Gansey’s putting into this.

Helen Gansey works for the Elders branch in Washington as an assistant manager, Ronan’s not sure whether asking for her help is the best option but Gansey does and Ronan trusts his judgement for some bizarre reason so here they are.

They’re scouring through Helen’s emails three hours later when the door slams shit, followed by a delicately whispered, “Shit!”

Ronan and Gansey whip around from where they’re sitting cross legged on the floor over a pile of printed out documents with a cup of black tea in a History museum mug in a tanned hand and coffee in a chipped white mug decorated with tiny grey skulls gripped in a pale one.

Noah turns away from the door, skateboard tucked under his arm and a fast food take out bag in his other hand, awkward smile on his face.

“Hey, who’s hungry?”

The stacks of papers, scattered pens and notepads are all shoved to the side and replaced by paper plates and food that Gansey will comment about the unhealthiness of later after it’s far too late to make a difference.

They sit in general silence as they eat with Noah mentioning how his class went that day.

He’s started teaching kids from about five to seven how to skateboard and comes home every day with new stories of the new arrivals or how one boy fell and teared up but he was able to convince him to try again and he moved from all the way from one end of the park to the other with Noah stopping him every now and then to improve his footing.

Gansey talks about his last date with Blue which Ronan rolls his eyes and makes remarks every now and then which Gansey ignores.

None of them mention the pile of documents beside them, Noah doesn’t ask what they were up to before he came in and neither Ronan nor Gansey explain them.

Until Gansey takes the plates and paper bag and stands, offering to clean up for them and Ronan avoids his intentional gaze.

When Gansey retreats to the kitchen/bathroom, Ronan forces himself to look at Noah.

“So, not that you’re interested but all this shit” Ronan gestures to the quickly toppling over stack of papers without caring to fix it, “Is for the Elders”

Noah frowns, “What do you mean?”

Ronan snorts, “Well it’s not their Christmas present anyway. I…I’m repealing their decision to deny my brothers and me ownership of the Barns.”

Noah lets out a shallow breath and leans back on his hands.

“I knew you were stupid, I just didn’t know you were this stupid”

Shaking his head a little, Ronan couldn’t help but laugh and as soon as he starts, Noah’s laughing too.

He knows Noah’s not wrong, Ronan should be thankful he didn’t receive a harsher or more wary reaction considering what Noah went through with the Elders last year.

Their decision to take Noah away from his family almost broke him.

He was adopted as a baby, his adopted parents are humans and by the time they realised Noah was an angel Noah was seventeen.

The Elders immediately swooped in then, rambling on about numerous rules and regulations that stated it wasn’t safe for the Czernys if their son lived with them anymore and it was best if they cut off all contact with him.

Noah had been living with Gansey and Ronan ever since.

It’s an open secret in Monmouth that Noah meets up with his family at least once a month but it’s never openly discussed as Noah gets upset whenever his family are mentioned unless by his own lips.

Which is one of the reasons why Ronan was hesitant in confronting the Elders, both because he didn’t want to dig open old wounds for Noah and because if he were to admit it, his worst fear would be losing his own family.

Noah fought the Elders and so did his family but it only ended with him temporarily joining the insomniac Monmouth society, numerous tears and Noah’s hatred for the entire association.

A lingering thought in Ronan’s mind wonders that if light, pure-hearted Noah could be hurt so raw and deeply by the Elders then what would happen to torn, severed Ronan who is already so angry at the world as it is.

“How can I help?” Noah says, head held high and eyes certain

If Noah wasn’t Noah, he wouldn’t have offered and if Ronan was anybody else, he wouldn’t have accepted his help.

Ronan smirks, “You can call for back-up. We’ve a lot of files to get through.”

…

Two days later, they’ve adjusted to somewhat of a routine.

Ronan doesn’t go to school and Gansey never lectures him about it once Ronan promises to go outside for at least half an hour for some fresh air while they’re gone.

If fresh air means speeding along the country roads while all the other cars are parked in school or work parking lots then yes Ronan certainly does get fresh air.

Noah buys about fifty packets of new highlighters which they use to mark important information half the time and the other half is when Blue uses the multi-coloured pens to doodle on Gansey or Noah’s skin.

Blue is surprisingly willingly helpful as she arrives at their front door with several cups of coffee after school every day, thankfully the coffee isn’t made by one of her aunts, which Ronan can’t help but mention and nobody, including Blue disagrees.

She types up various rules to follow as long with the points Ronan wants to make at his first meeting while Adam takes over then and refines the language to make it more professional.

Ronan rolled his eyes when Adam first suggested this but realistically knows it’s his best bet at convincing the Elders to hear him out.

Adam seems to somehow be at Monmouth all the time despite school and his various work schedules, bringing bulky folders and colourful sheets that Ronan thinks are useless until Gansey spots them and instantly knows what they’re for.

Ronan’s only alone when they are all at school and even then consistent e-mails from Helen, Declan and even ones Gansey sent in between classes keep him company.

For the following week, Monmouth is even busier, louder and more crowded than usual.

And though he’d never ever admit it, Ronan feels as if his heart might burst because of it.

To help ease their struggles, Ronan goes out shopping every few days to stack up on junk food and sodas around eight pm.

On Friday, he drags Gansey and Blue along with him because Noah claimed that they and their puppy eyes were getting no work done.

“Ronan you can’t just load up on ice cream, we’ve serious work to do; we need proper food too.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah Gansey” Ronan replies, stacking another Ben and Jerry’s on top of the three already cradled in his arms.

“If you don’t close that fridge door right now I-“

“Alright Mommy just wait a second.”

Ronan turns, shuts the large refrigerator door with his foot and expects to face Gansey’s disapproving raised eyebrow.

He does face that but what almost causes him to drop the items in his hands is the person behind Gansey who trudges into the grocery store exactly at that moment.

The man must be in his forty’s, wearing an engraved scowl as his eyes sweep the store before instantly heading down to the liquor aisle.

It takes Ronan a minute to realise what seems familiar about him, it’s rather possible that he’s seen him before, Henrietta is a rather small town, but this seems different because Ronan’s sure he’s never met this man before.

Blue hurries down the aisle opposite the liquor one, eyes wide and determined, hands absent of the yogurt she’d been longing for all day as she casts a glance at the man Ronan had just seen before hurrying towards Gansey.

“We need to leave.” 

Gansey’s hand visibly loosens on the metal basket in his hand, “Why? What’s wrong?”

That’s when Ronan recognises the older man.

He looks at him again and sees him examining the price of a beer bottle before throwing in multiples of the same brand, the same scowl on his face.

It was the scowl that threw Ronan but now he sees the resemblance. The shade of the man’s hair is too similar to the hair Ronan dreamt about running his fingers through last night. Those lifeless eyes are exactly the same shade as the blue eyes that are so alive and familiar but that Ronan comes close to drowning in every time he sees them.

The stance, the walk, the fucking way he looked at the price before he bought something…

“That’s Adam’s father” Blue hisses “We’ll get ice-cream later but we should go, come on”

Gansey’s still standing there with his mouth open by the time Ronan’s opened the fridge, dumped his chocolate chip ice cream back into it, shut the door and stomped over to him, grabbing his arm gently.

“You heard her” Ronan says, staring down hard at Gansey who looks up at him and in that second understanding passes over his face.

Gansey hurriedly returns the shopping basket to its respective place, takes Blue’s hand in his and nods.

The pig is timidly quiet on the way back to Monmouth; Ronan silently wishes they’d had enough time to buy the ice-cream so at least then he’d be able to eat and comment on it to do something small to break the tension.

Neither Gansey nor Ronan ask why the haste was so necessary in leaving the store and Blue doesn’t tell them.

It’s Adam’s business, his privacy at stake and Gansey and Ronan both respect that.

But that doesn’t explain why Blue was so concerned about leaving because Adam wasn’t even with them.

A twist of revulsion curls in Ronan’s stomach at the knowledge that if Adam’s father is really bad or cruel enough to break Blue’s strong ‘don’t fuck with me’ demeanour then he must really be a piece of shit.

Leaning his head against the backseat window and feeling it thud against his forehead, Ronan reminds himself that he has no facts and should just wait until Adam tells him about his family and his past himself.

Unfortunately as much as Ronan wants to respect Adam’s privacy and his wishes, it doesn’t stop his curiosity nagging at him and encouraging hundreds of questions and possibilities to swirl around in his head.

They drive to a smaller store further away and buy cheaper, off-brand ice-cream but Noah and Adam certainly don’t complain when they bring it back.

Later while they’re working, Ronan catches Blue’s eyes on an unsuspecting, distracted Adam and he may be no expert but Ronan suspects Blue’s debating whether to tell Adam what happened at the grocery store or not.

A few seconds later, Blue’s eyes meet Ronan’s and they watch each other for a moment but then Blue shakes her head, the tiniest amount that Ronan almost missed it.

He then nods, not understanding why he had to but he just does before turning around and taking a spoonful of ice-cream out of Noah’s tub and when Noah exclaims a retort, Ronan merely sticks his tongue out in response.

Ronan drove Adam home that night at two am because no matter how many times Gansey and Noah insisted he could stay with them Adam always refused, never wanting to overstay his welcome.

No music was played in the car, the absent roads and dark skies made the journey much quieter, longer but also strangely enough more comforting.

Adam all but snuggled into the passenger seat and Ronan bit back both the teasing comments of Adam’s exhaustion and the compliments of how gorgeous he looked with his hair falling in front of his face like that.

Focusing on the road, Ronan gripped the steering wheel and ignored the nudging feeling in his whole body, begging him to just pull over, gently shake Adam awake and silently beg him to kiss him.

When the finally pull into St. Agnes, Adam slowly blinks his eyes open and rubs them once.

“Thank you” He whispers, coughing once and then repeating it louder as he drags his school bag up from underneath the seat.

Ronan shrugs in reply but his breath stops when he feels Adam’s hands squeeze his once, a weak, barely there squeeze but it causes all the air to leave Ronan’s body in a split second.

“I’ll see you tomorrow after work, I might…yeah I might need to do some overtime but I’ll try and be there sometime.”

“Don’t” Ronan interrupts, “I mean, you should sleep, get some rest, we’ll manage on our own.”

Adam chuckles roughly, “You trying to get rid of me Lynch?”

Staring into Adam’s droopy blue eyes, entirely different to the lifeless eyes of Adam’s father, Ronan says clearly and honestly, “Never”.

Either he didn’t hear him or he’s too exhausted to care about the meaning behind that one word but nevertheless Adam smiles and steps out of the car, murmuring a “Goodnight” before shutting the door, bag slung over his shoulder and feet slowly dragging him up the steps to the church, Adam for some unknown reason calls home.

When Adam arrives at Monmouth the next evening, overalls still on and covered in grease and sweat, smile wide but expression utterly drained, Ronan’s not surprised.


	13. Mantra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan goes to a soccer game and receives help controlling his powers from a surprising source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took awhile to post again, in my last year of exams and mocks are coming up. Anyway I hope you like this chapter! :)

“Ronan! You made it!”

Within a few seconds, Ronan finds himself in a crushed hug by the burly body of his younger brother.

A laugh escapes him before he can choke it down.

“Hey, let go of me so I can breathe yeah?”

Matthew murmurs a non-apologetic apology and steps back beaming.

His shorts and jersey are thin but Ronan reigns in any berating adult rant about how freezing it is out. Ronan even has his old worn, hand me down Ireland Pride & Glory jumper from his father on under his leather jacket because the temperature has dropped to freezing all of a sudden.

He supposes Matthew will warm up when the game starts though.

“Thanks for coming!”

Ronan shrugs, “Yeah well, Declan’s working so someone has to be here to make fun of you”

Technically Declan’s not working.

Well he’s working on a lead to help Ronan with his upcoming appeal but Ronan will tell Matthew about that in a bit.

“How’s school going?”

Matthew raises both eyebrow and his lips widen, “Fine, I’m shocked to see you asking about Aglionby or even remembering the place exists seeing as I haven’t seen you there since about a month ago.”

“Ha, ha, ha” Ronan says sarcastically “You passing everything?”

“All except math but that shit’s hard.”

“Language” Ronan chastens with a proud grin, “Well you’re doing better than I am anyway, so Declan will be thrilled.”

“He called me last week, asked me to have a chat with you about going back to school” Matthew tilts his head just a little, “But I’ve a feeling that won’t be happening soon?”

Sighing, Ronan shrugs, “There’s nothing for me there.”

“But maybe-“

“Matty, I’ve thought about it, weighed the pros and cons and all that but there’s just no point, I’ve got money, I don’t need a useless fancy high school certificate to get where I want to go.”

“And where do you want to go?”

Ronan cannot believe they’re having this stereotypical pivotal conversation beside the fucking soccer field.

Looking over, he sees a few of Matthew’s teammates watching them, their eyes widening in fear upon being caught staring and they rapidly turn away from them.

“I’ll tell you later.” Ronan gets out through gritted teeth, turning back to face his suddenly inquisitive brother.

Matthew squeezes Ronan’s arm and says, “If you want to drop out you should. I won’t judge you. Do whatever makes you happy and forget whatever Declan thinks.”

Rolling his eyes and biting back a smile, Ronan pushes Matthew back, “Yeah, yeah I will, now shut up and play your stupid game.”

Matthew laughs and walks backwards onto the pitch, “See you after!”

Ronan nods and watches as Matthew turns his back on him before finally letting a small hint of a smile grace his face for a second before he turns to walk up to the back of the bleachers.

The match is alright, Ronan forgets which side is which in the beginning until he recognises Henry who is wearing the same jersey Matthew was; it had slipped Ronan’s mind that they play together on the same team.

He can’t see very well from the top seats but Ronan can still spot Henry’s upright hair, free of any sweat or grime and still impeccable as always. If Ronan ever considered growing his hair out, he’d have to subtly inquire how Henry defies the laws of gravity with his hair.

He encounters Henry after the match once he’s traipsed down to the side-lines after the other spectators leave.

“Ronan!” 

Although the voice is upbeat and happy, it does not belong to Matthew who is the only person to ever use his name in such a bright tone.

Henry bounces over to him, smile large on his face despite losing the game only a few minutes ago.

Ronan nods in acknowledgment, “Cheng”

Matthew hasn’t come out of the locker room yet, probably chatting to his small but strong group of friends so Ronan’s forced to make small talk with Henry Cheng in the meantime.

“There’s something we should talk about.”

Usually when similar words come out of people’s mouths, it’s matched with a disconcerted expression yet Cheng’s isn’t.

Ronan rolls his eyes and says “You’re desperately in love with Gansey, I know, but he’s got a girlfriend so-“

“No, that’s not it and Gansey’s just a friend!” Henry insists hurriedly, a blush tainting his cheeks “No I wanted to tell you that I know about you, that you’re a demon.”

Ronan smirks, “Many have called me that.”

“I’m not surprised but it’s true though, isn’t it?”

“So what if it is?” Ronan’s smirk turns to nothing but clenched teeth and a snarl, “What are you going to do? Threaten me?”

“No!” Henry says, stepping back and holding up his hands, eyes pleading, “No, really I just want to help you”

“I don’t need your help.”

“My mum used to work with demons.” Henry declares slowly “She said they often have a difficult time controlling their temper and powers. It’s something to do with them getting less lessons and guidance from the…Elders? Is it? Overlords? I don’t know their name but anyway she taught me some of it and I…I just want to help you.”

“Why?” Ronan growls

Henry shrugs, “Because you’re Gansey’s best friend and I…I think you’re actually a good person even though you pretend not to be.”

Staring with a hard gaze, Ronan debates Henry’s unusual and blatant offer.

Every cell in his body resists what his mind already knows to be true as his bones scream at him to turn around, walk away or even punch Henry in his perfectly sculpted face, just to make his own brain shut up.

And yet his brain reminds him of Matthew who at that moment is walking towards them from across the field.

It reminds him of how he promised his mum he was going to get better, of Gansey and Noah sitting on the floor with him in Monmouth and doing everything they could to help him, of Blue and her coffee runs and Adam applying his dedicated and relentless work ethic to something as trivial as helping Ronan with whatever he needed.

The anger was still just under Ronan’s skin, anger at life, unavenged death and also at nothing in particular.

Maybe…maybe it wouldn’t be so ridiculously horrific if he gave it a try.

“Fine”

Henry blinks, “What?”

Ronan grits his teeth, “Fine. You busy tomorrow?”

“I, well we’ve school?”

“Obviously Cheng, I meant afterwards.” Though Ronan won’t be going to school anyway so it doesn’t particularly matter to him, “Gansey has mentioned your numerous after school activities, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of them.”

Cheng swallows, though at Ronan’s acceptance of his offer or at the mention of Gansey, Ronan doesn’t know and really doesn’t care.

“Student council meeting tomorrow but Tuesday evening should suit.”

“Okay. Where?”

“The park?”

“Not there.” Ronan states firmly, his fists clenching

“That’s okay, how about my place? Mum’s never home anyway and I’ve a big yard.”

Ronan remembers, though he would have described it as more like Wonderland than a backyard.

Contemplating over whether or not this is the stupidest idea he’d ever agreed to or a step towards trying to be better, Ronan shakes his head and decides he’s made his choice now and he’s not going to back down.

“I’ll be there at four.”

Henry practically beams, “Brilliant! Okay I’ll see you then!”

Thankfully that’s the moment Matthew approaches them gleefully so Ronan is saved from coming up with a reply.

“Hey Henry, that was a great goal in the first half!”

Henry blushes but his dimples are as plain as day with his broad grin, “Thanks Matthew, you played really well too.”

“Don’t flatter him” Ronan folds his arms and focuses his smirk on his younger brother “It’s true but still”

Matthew rolls his eyes and punches Ronan’s arm, “Shut up, you. You wanna get something to eat?”

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Ronan shrugs, “Sure, Nino’s?”

“Sounds good, you want to tag along Henry?”

Henry smiles and pats Matthew’s shoulder, “Nah, I’ve homework waiting for me at home. I’ll see you both later.”

Ronan nods and tunes out Matthew’s farewell as his mind rewinds his conversation with Henry Cheng, then the one he had with his mother as well as the countless arguments with Declan and the look on Adam’s face when he told him the truth.

Blinking at the snapping fingers in front of his face, Ronan scowls and lightly slaps Matthew’s hand away.

“Fuck off, come on. I’m starving.”

There’s a lot Ronan must tell Matthew; about the Elders, Declan’s involvement and the prospect of hopefully, possibly returning home.

But he thinks he might wait until after they’ve eaten to break all of that to him.

As Matthew shoves his gym bag into Ronan’s arms, forcing him to carry it as he rants about the other team’s ridiculous and rule breaking tactics, Ronan slings the bag over his shoulder and nods along.

Strangely enough, Ronan’s positive that telling Matthew will be the easiest of everyone he had to tell so far but he’s also likely one of the last, which means it’s becoming final.

That is a terrifying idea that Ronan forces to the back of his mind and for once, he willingly engrosses himself in Matthew’s soccer talk until he has to deal with the other thoughts after lunch when he tells his brother everything.

… 

Two days later, Ronan’s eyes are narrowed at Henry Cheng’s soft face and he wonders if it’s too late to storm out and forget this smug hair-styling genius ever spoke to him. 

“Okay look just let me try another method. I think this will work.”

They’ve already burned the legs off of two benches, one discomforts Ronan for absolutely no reason and he thinks it might have been the one he once sat on with Adam; an event that seems like a lifetime ago but in reality was only a few weeks ago.

“What is it?” Ronan hisses

“Get Angry.”

Ronan laughs, “According to Sargent, I’m always angry.”

“Just, trust me”

Ronan closes his eyes, realises in the back of his mind that this goes against every instruction of relaxation and meditation that the books have guided him on so far.

He clenches his fists for a minute, scrunches his eyes and then drops his shoulders, “Henry this-“

“Try harder. Think of something, someone who makes your body burn with rage.”

“You mean you?”

“Just do it and shoot.”

Casting one last frown at Henry, Ronan closes his eyes and tries to follow instructions as he lets the fury under his skin take control.

He relaxes his hands and his mind flits to K, cackling at the innocent trees going up in flames, the whistling wind floods his ears, remembering how the flames hissed as they tore about the branches until it sounded like they were speaking to him.

The scent of smoke fills his lungs, it chokes him but he doesn’t choke aloud. Distinctly his hands turn inwards until his nails scrap his skin but he’s too distracted by the new scent of blood to notice. Except it’s not just anyone’s blood, it’s his dad’s.

The feel of it on his fingertips, on his old jumper that he can’t bear to wear anymore, the crimson stain is surrounding him. He feels himself start to panic, he’s standing still but in his mind he’s spinning, throwing things, chairs, the BMW, a burning tree, all at a faceless figure with a bloody crowbar in their hand.

“Okay, now think of something happy”

“What?” Eyes blinking open, Ronan steps back at the sight of a garden monument of six birds that’s burning savagely in front of them.

Henry sprays it with his small fire extinguisher five times indifferently until it goes out but Ronan still stares at the charred statue in shock.

Then he feels his hands, turning over the palms of them, Ronan stares in shock at the raw red skin and the orange tinges and sparks of flames that still lay on the surface. It burns him, a stinging sensation so painful he can’t understand how he didn’t notice it before. 

“You need to feel your anger and channel that when you’re using your flames, to make them powerful. Just like what you did then. But in order to control them, you need to think of something happy. So, try again and just think of three things that make you happy. Don’t think about it, just do it.”

Slipping his eyes shut again, Ronan pushes back the trembling images of the silhouette murderer and focuses on what makes him happy.

He pictures Matthew’s grin, so bright and displaying slightly crooked teeth they could blind you but you couldn’t even dare to care. It was a gentle smile that was so much like their mother’s.

Then his mind unwillingly recalled the week before, everyone over at Monmouth to help out until it was well past 2am, Blue asleep on Gansey’s shoulder, Noah highlighting unimportant words with droopy eyes but Adam and Gansey and Ronan still wide awake, debating and wondering and planning how to do this, how to help Ronan get his home back, because they cared.

Finally, he thought of home, the scent of the barns, the calm wind brushing his bare arms as the hairs on them gladly stand to attention. Somewhere surrounding him he hears his father singing old Irish songs under his breath, his mother and Matthew laughing, Declan offering to help Ronan repair something. Tears sting the back of his eyelids but his heart clenches with warmth. 

“Open your eyes.”

Ronan does and he looks at Henry who’s gazing down at Ronan’s hands with a soft smile.

Following Cheng’s eyes, Ronan looks down and sees his palms have returned to normal. The stinging remains barely under the skin but when he rubs his thumb back and forth over the scarred hands, he feels no new bumps, ridges or burns.

It takes him a second to realise his hands are shaking and then another to see that actually his whole body was trembling.

Ronan can feel his anger, frustration and desire to injure an unknown person still inside him, resting on the surface as always when he flares up like this but now it has an additional layer or metaphorical bubble wrap around it.

Stumbling back and sitting on one of the blackened benches, Ronan examines his hands before raising an eyebrow at a grinning Henry.

“That’s your mantra” Henry says calmly, “Every time you feel yourself losing control, think of those three things and cling to them.”

Henry sits beside him and continues, “If you lose one, replace it, but never have less or more than three. Three moments, three names, anything that will ground you. It can be beer and marijuana and leather jackets -“

“I don’t smoke.”

“You know what I mean, Ronan.” 

Ronan nods, feeling like he should say something but not knowing what so he keeps his mouth closed.

After a few minutes, Henry clasps his hands onto his knees and asks enthusiastically,

“So, same time next week?”

Ronan leans his head back and lets out a laugh, “Sure Cheng, yeah, let’s do it.”

In that moment, Ronan actually truly believes that maybe he could do this, for his family, for his friends and for himself.

He could get everything under control, get his home back and begin to move on with his life.

Realistically, he knows this won’t happen or that something will throw him off course as usual but in this moment, sitting beside someone he never would have even dreamed of having a conversation with, Ronan feels like maybe things may work out, maybe things can be okay again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll try and post a new chapter as soon as I can! 
> 
> Comments and kudos always speed up the process though :)
> 
> Thanks again!


	14. 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Ronan

“Aurora, you’ve visitors”

Identical smiles appeared on the three Lynch brothers’ faces as they came face to face with their mother who was sitting up in bed, blonde hair fresh, healthy and in a loose bun on her head, eyes bright and blue and a smile bigger than any of theirs.

Matthew rushed in first, wrapping his bulky arms around his mother and Ronan placed a hand on Declan’s shoulder to stop him from pulling Matthew back, fearful he’d hurt her but Ronan knew he wouldn’t.

Declan took her hand and kissed her forehead after Matthew sat on the other side of the bed and then went to take his usual spot, standing in front of the window.

Aurora’s eyes fixed themselves on Ronan then and she beckoned him closer.

Ronan smiled and leaned down to hug her gently and when she whispered, “Happy birthday” in his ear, his mouth dropped open for a second, shocked and overwhelmed that she even remembered.

Absentmindedly playing with the wedding ring on Aurora’s finger and only half listening to Matthew recounting his latest soccer match, it takes him a moment to realise he’s stopped talking and is standing in the doorway with Declan.

Frowning, Ronan’s about to say he’s going to stay another while because they’ve barely been here a half hour when Declan mouths that they’re just going to get some water.

Ronan nods, appreciating the alone time they’re clearly giving him and turns back to face his mother.

“How are things?”

She smiles, “Good, my love. I’m…I’m feeling a lot better, the staff here, they’re really good to me.”

Taking her in, Ronan realises just how much better she looks. She’s a lot perkier and her laugh at one of Matthew’s jokes echoes in his ears from only a few minutes ago.

Silver and pale pink eyeshadow decorates her eyelids and as Ronan strokes her cheek, he accidentally brushes away some of the pink glitter that fell from her eyes. 

They strike up a conversation about the progress the care home is making with the garden renovations and Aurora is commenting on her excitement to see the new garden gnomes when two awful singers start singing ‘Happy Birthday’ very loudly behind him.

Groaning and letting his head fall into his laughing mother’s arm for a second, Ronan then sits straighter and turns to glare at his brothers who are beaming and continuously singing as they walk into the room.

Aurora joins in instantly and squeezes Ronan’s hand so he makes an effort to smile in genuine thanks.

The cake Matthew is holding is rather haphazardly made but the icing on top is delicate and beautiful with ‘Happy 18th Birthday Ronan!” written in perfect black writing. There’s even a small raven decoration in the corner which makes Ronan snort.

“I helped make the cake” His mother whispers and Ronan’s heart aches with nostalgia because she used to always make his cakes as a child so he kisses her cheek and then blows out the candles.

Matthew puts the cake down after that and pulls everyone into a family hug. Ronan will deny the tears that spring to his eyes as he pushes his father’s voice from another time whispering ‘happy birthday’ to the back of his mind.

Always counted on the break the emotional moment, Declan exclaims cheerfully, “Now, let’s have some cake!” and that’s exactly what they do.

It’s the first birthday they’ve all spent together since Niall died and not that Ronan cared about birthdays, but it’s certainly the best one he could have asked for.

That afternoon when he opens the door to Monmouth, he finds the floor empty, furniture pushed against the walls, including Gansey’s own bed, to make room for a circle of pillows on the floor.

Grinning at the selection of chips, fries, pizza, soda and beer in the middle of the pillow circle, Ronan shuts the door and makes his way over to his friends who’ve all started another chorus of happy birthday upon his arrival.

Covering his ears, Ronan begs them to stop but is secretly glad they don’t and when Noah and Gansey stand and hug him, Ronan doesn’t complain and readily hugs them back.

For the next few hours, they just chill.

Henry stops by after about an hour and they all play Mario Kart and honestly beating Henry Cheng at Mario Kart as Princess Peach is officially one of Ronan’s highlights of all his 18 years on Earth.

Ronan and Adam play an intense game of snap using a pack of cards Blue brought from home and both of them get fiercely competitive and every round ends in accusations of cheating and laughter. 

Noah and Blue play Just Dance and Ronan’s shocked at how excellent both of them are at it, when Gansey and him play afterwards they both only end up getting one star whereas Adam and Henry both manage to score three or four.

Blue and Adam are playing some FIFA game Henry brought when Gansey suggests it’s time for presents, his voice the perfect imitation of every suburban mom at their kid’s party and Ronan rolls his eyes.

“None of you better have got me anything.”

“After your wonderful gift of the murder squash song on a repeat playlist for my birthday last year, how could I not repay you?” Noah asks, hand over his heart and Ronan rolls his eyes.

“I should have just got you this” Ronan smirks and lifts his middle finger at Noah only for him to stick his tongue out in response.

“Alright, alright, sit down both of you” Henry says, “Don’t worry, I didn’t get you anything Lynch.”

“Good” Ronan doesn’t mention that Henry’s already given him enough because that would be sappy and pathetic and Henry Cheng doesn’t need an even bigger ego than he already has.

Sitting on the pillow beside Adam who’s watching him carefully, Ronan sighs and waits for Gansey to return from the other room.

When he does it’s with a clothing bag with the name of some French company on it. It looks fancy and he thinks he recognises it from things that Declan or maybe his father used to wear so it’s likely a clothing company brand.

Ronan groans, “If you got me a suit for your future presidential compaign-“

Gansey smirks and takes the gift out of the bag and Ronan actually gasps, only loud enough for Adam beside him to notice and do a double take but it’s still a big reaction for Ronan.

It’s a new black leather jacket and it’s stunning.

No unnecessary, gaudy additions are on it, no belts or studded gems, just a simple, plain black leather jacket and Ronan adores it.

Standing and rushing over to the piece of clothing, Ronan hurriedly puts it on and it fits better than a glove.

“I’m never fucking taking this off Dick,” Ronan says, admiring himself in the hall mirror and complying with Noah’s demand to do a twirl.

“Well that’s the point actually, I bought it in the hope that maybe you’ll stop walking around completely naked all the time.”

Ronan laughs and clasps Gansey’s shoulder, “Not gonna happen but thanks anyway”

Someone chokes at that and Ronan can’t tell if it’s Henry or Adam over Blue’s laughter.

“Open mine next!” Noah insists, throwing a plastic bag at him rather unceremoniously and Ronan laughs and takes his seat back beside Adam.

“Fine, fine, since you’re so needy today.” Noah throws a pillow at him harshly and Ronan just about dodges it.

His present is a book of swears and creative insults as well as a snow-globe which Ronan’s about to say is more Noah’s thing than his but when he looks closer, Ronan sees a picture of him, Gansey, Adam, Noah and Blue taken many weeks ago, possibly the night they went to Henry’s party from the way they’re dressed.

It’s thoughtful and kind and unique, all perfectly Noah.

Smiling, Ronan shakes the snow-globe and looks at Noah and nods, “Thank you, it’s lovely.”

“You won’t set it on fire?”

“I’ll try my best not to”

“That’s all I ask”

A hand on Ronan’s knee startles him and when he looks down and sees it’s Adam’s, he swallows.

The hand is gone before Ronan can blink and Adam’s handing him a carefully wrapped square gift.

“It’s really nothing much…I hope you don’t have it already.”

Ronan shrugs and accepts it, “You didn’t have to get me anything Parrish” he mumbles and slowly unwraps it, wary of undoing Adam’s careful hard work.

Surprised when he sees the present, he takes it out of the wrapping paper slowly and feels a twinge of recognition at the name displayed on it.

It’s a CD by some Irish folk band that Ronan can distinctly remember his father talking about. He doesn’t have it but he thinks this CD may be somewhere in the Barns collecting dust.

On top of that, Ronan finds a collection of leather bands underneath the CD and when he slips them onto his wrist, they fit perfectly and he makes a decision right then not to bite through these ones; at least not for a while.

“I…thank you”

Adam smiles and Ronan mirrors it, they only break eye contact when something cold drops into Ronan’s lap.

It’s four tubs of Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough flavour ice-cream and when he looks up, Blue is walking away from him and to Gansey to wrap her arms around his shoulders from behind.

“You’re welcome, shithead” Blue aims at Ronan and Ronan scoffs and immediately grabs two of Henry’s plastic spoons from the middle of the circle, hands one to Adam and opens a tub.

“Open one or eat from mine, I don’t care” Ronan orders him

“I’m fine-“

“Parrish” Ronan looks him level in the eye “It’s my birthday, this is my shit party and you’re going to eat my ice cream and not complain because you’re a decent person.”

Adam stares him down for a moment before accepting the plastic white spoon and taking a massive spoonful of Ronan’s ice cream and putting it into his mouth, swallowing and then licking the spoon off before going again for more.

Turning away, Ronan eats another few spoonfuls and when Adam brushes away some ice cream that got on Ronan’s nose, Ronan comes so close to kissing him that his hands clench so they don’t tremble from more than just the cold of the ice cream tub.

Hours pass, more pizzas are ordered and eaten, Henry teaches them how to dance and Gansey falls over more than once, Ronan does not stare at Adam’s hips and everyone commentates on various Netflix shows and they watch more Friends at Noah’s repetitive request.

They’re halfway through season 4 now and all Ronan knows is it’s Adam’s favourite so far.

As the sky fades into darkness, Henry heads home, Noah recites the words being spoken on screen as Blue drifts off on Gansey’s shoulder and Ronan lets his eyes fall onto the side of Adam’s face, studying his jawline and the constellation of freckles on his cheek.

When Ronan turns back to the screen to watch a scene he actually likes, it takes him a long time to realise that Adam’s now watching him and all of his strength is tested as he forces himself not to return the gaze.

They soon decide that it’s time for the others to go home and as Gansey’s the only sober host member, he drives Adam and Blue home.

Blue tiredly shoves Ronan and mumbles a final happy birthday to him as she walks out the door, Gansey chasing after her with her jacket and bag slung over his arm.

Adam follows them and smiles at Ronan, “Happy birthday, I hope you had a good day.”

Ronan takes a step closer and grins, “Don’t worry I did”

Eyes flickering across Ronan’s features, Adam opens his mouth and then closes it right when Gansey calls after him to make sure he’s okay and on the way.

“I’ll see you later, goodnight Lynch, night Noah!”

“Night Adam!” Noah calls from the bathroom. 

Adam looks at Ronan once more before walking out and closing the door quietly behind him leaving Ronan frozen in the sitting room, surrounded by presents, pizza boxes and empty beer bottles and soda cans.

He’s so fucking screwed.

Stumbling out of the bathroom tiredly, Noah mumbles how he’s not feeling well so Ronan sighs and instantly walks over to wrap his arm around him and help Noah the few feet to his bed.

“You barely drank anything, you’re such a lightweight.”

“A cute lightweight, though” Noah giggles and Ronan scoffs

“Sure, Noah”

Ronan sits him down and lifts Noah’s feet onto the bed before throwing the covers over him.

“You can change your damn self if you want, I don’t want to see that”

Noah shakes his head and pulls the covers closer around him and snuggles into his pillow

“Just turn the light off? Thanks Ro”

Ronan sighs extra loudly but does as he’s told, not before placing Noah’s rubbish bin beside his bed just in case.

“Ronan…you should tell him, you know?”

Ronan turns in the doorway and frowns at Noah’s lying silhouette on the bed.

“What are you talking about?”

Noah sighs sleepily, “Adam, if you want, you should tell him soon.”

Ronan swallows hard and doesn’t have to ask again what Noah means or how he found out about Ronan’s feelings because it’s Noah. He always has a way of knowing everything.

After a few minutes, even though he’s pretty sure Noah has fallen asleep, Ronan still whispers into the darkness of the box room, “Maybe one day, I will.”


	15. Change and Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan begins to accept things may be improving and he may in fact be in control of his own life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to thank Chainsaw who never fails to leave a comment and brighten my day!! Everyone's comments are so so so appreciated. Chainsaw is just very consistent with them which is so uplifting so thank you. 
> 
> Chainsaw also mentioned the slow burn was killing them so...well I hope this chapter will help with that...

The beaming lights of Nino’s seem brighter than usual and it’s a testament to how bored Ronan is that he’s wondering whether they changed the light bulbs here or not or if his eyesight is just strained from the lack of sleep.

He could fall asleep right how though as Gansey, Blue and Henry are engaged in a heated conversation about the founding fathers whereas Noah’s chatting to a fellow Aglionby student in the booth behind them.

When Gansey first announced Henry would be joining them at Nino’s, Ronan was immediately anxious.

Not annoyed and admittedly insecure as he was when Adam Parrish was first invited to their outings but this time he was concerned over whether or not Henry would mention how he’s been helping him control his powers.

He never said anything on Ronan’s birthday two weeks ago and they’ve met up twice alone since December began so Ronan’s hoping that Henry gets it and won’t say anything.

From the reassuring smile, Henry shot his way when he walked in, Ronan thinks he understands.

So instead of being worried, Ronan’s just insanely bored.

Drumming the table, eating his, Gansey’s and half of Noah’s fries and daydreaming about kicking the faceless Elders in the shins can only entertain him for so long.

So he orders two pizzas and when they arrive, he leaves one on the table and picks the other one up while standing.

That grabs Gansey’s attention and he immediately turns away from Blue and Henry to raise a concerned eyebrow at Ronan.

“I think I’ve enough of your horrible history re-enactments for one day. I’ll take this to Adam and then head back to Monmouth. Not really fair, he’s missing out on all of this fun.”

Gansey gives him a look that says he knows heading back to Monmouth was Ronan’s code for I’m going to speed around Henrietta, ignoring the flashing primary coloured lights flashing behind me and blare the murder squash song from the speakers.

“Okay, take care of yourself” Gansey tells him, emphasising the last part subtly.

“Yes mother” Ronan smirks, throwing a handful of dollar bills on the table, “See you”

“Bye Ronan!” Noah calls and Blue and Henry both exclaim similar farewells before going back to their historical discussion.

Shaking his head, Ronan walks out the door into the beaming sunlight but cool air, pizza box balanced delicately on his hand, internally calculating how fast he can drive to Boyd’s before the pizza gets cold.

When Ronan rocks up at Boyd’s garage, he spots two skinny legs covered in dirty denim sticking out beneath an even dustier, dirtier blue car.

Ronan takes a second to admire the grease stained overalls before kicking one of Adam’s knock off Adidas’s as a greeting.

A yelp emits from the car and Ronan steps back a fraction of a second before Adam rolls out from underneath it, a glare fixed on his face that ever so slightly relaxes when he realises it’s just Ronan.

The faint lines on his face still remain from that frown though and Ronan pushes back any feeling of sympathy of how deep they are for such a young person because he knows Adam would hate that.

Though Ronan has a lot of thoughts regarding Adam that the boy in question would most likely detest and yet he can’t stop thinking them and if he’s honest, he doesn’t want to. 

“What are you doing here?” Adam asks, not standing.

“What’s it look like, genius” Ronan remarks, not sitting and holding up the pizza box clearly

Adam’s eyes flicker from Ronan’s eyes to the box in his hand and that’s the moment Ronan sees his fists clench around the spanner he’s holding.

“No thanks” Adam says in a lukewarm, reserved tone, sliding back under the car on Boyd’s creeper and Ronan sighs.

Dropping the pizza box onto the floor, Ronan sits cross legged and opens the box and takes a slice out for himself.

“Come on, Parrish; get off your precious high horse and come out of there.”

“I don’t want any, Lynch. I’m working. ”

“Exactly and Boyd would be pissed if rats came along because you didn’t eat the pizza I kindly brought you.”

Ronan closes his eyes as he takes the first bite of pizza and grins as he hears the creeper wheel out.

When he opens his eyes, Adam’s narrowed blue slits are all he can see.

“I’m not falling for this reverse phycology, Ronan.”

“I don’t want you to” Ronan says sincerely “I want you to fall for my dazzling personality and bright blue eyes instead.”

Swallowing so hard, his Adam’s apple bobs, Adam stares dumbfounded but can’t seem to form any words so Ronan simply goes back to finishing off that slice of pizza and beginning to eat another.

They watch each other in silence, Ronan eating three slices of the pizza which is rapidly turning cold and soggy before finally breaking the silence because he can’t stand the way Adam’s just…watching him from where he’s sitting, inches away from him.

“You can repay me in other ways, you know? I don’t want your money.”

“What do you want then?” Adam responds breathily

Ronan smirks and leans back against the door of some other run down car, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankle millimetres away from Adam’s creeper.

“Tell me about your dad.”

Adam stares at him in disbelief and after a few moments of silent shock, he grabs a slice of pizza, eats half of it and then shrugs, saying simply in a normal yet monotone voice,

“He hit me”

Ronan can’t claim to be shocked.

He’s furious, enraged and rather murderous as he wants to see Adam’s father’s blood spilling from his cracked head and his intestines and insides splattered on the pavement but he’s not shocked.

“Often?”

“Yeah”

“You want him dead? I’m not saying I could make it happen but being rich has some benefits you know?”

Adam sniggers, “Nah, you’re alright, thanks for the offer though.”

“You’d rather him suffer and be tortured, right. I’ll take note of that.”

Adam shakes his head, sits up straighter and leans against the car he had long since stopped working on,

“No, I just want to forget him.”

Ronan nods even though he can’t even begin to understand.

“You deserve better.”

Adam smiles self-consciously and eats a few more slices before starting to speak again.

“I…” He sighs “I was wondering if I should tell you or not actually, seeing as you’re going up against the council soon.”

Ronan raises his eyebrow, “Tell me what”

Looking him straight in the eyes with a blazing look, Adam reveals calmly,

“The Elders and my father are why I live at the church, also why my powers, my angel identity was stripped away. It got really bad one day, with my dad. He’d already damaged my hearing in one ear a few weeks before. He found out my scholarship wasn’t fully funded and I was earning more than I told him…anyway I fought back this time. I had to, he had a gun.”

Adam’s eyes flit away then as he flicks a piece of dust or fluff off his overalls, taking his time before speaking again.

“That’s one of the Elders’ rules. You can’t attack your family, especially if they’re human. He told them gleefully what I’d done, my mother chose not to say anything so my powers were taken and, well I couldn’t stay there anymore so they provided me with the church accommodation which I’ve to vacate as soon as I graduate.”

When Ronan’s sure that Adam’s stopped speaking, he hisses, “That’s fucking insane”

Ronan doesn’t remember it happening but all of a sudden he’s standing, vibrating and he doesn’t quite know what’s happening other than his brain is rapidly trying to figure out where Adam’s father lives so he can kill him slowly and painfully before moving on to the Council of Elders. 

“I know” Adam says softly, reaching up and taking Ronan’s hand before tugging him down as softly as he can from such an angle.

When Ronan reluctantly sits, Adam whispers, “I know. I know I did nothing wrong. I know what he did wasn’t my fault. But that’s who the Elders are. They will take your powers away for even the slightest thing because of their code, regardless of morality. So just…remember that.”

Unsure what else to say, Ronan just murmurs a genuine “Thanks” and Adam just takes another slice of pizza in response.

When there’s only a few crumbs left in the Nino’s box, Adam returns to fixing the run down car while Ronan stays sitting on the dirty floor, humming the murder squash song intentionally and smiling to the ceiling because Adam can’t see him.

When Adam does roll out for less than a minute to send him an annoyed look, Ronan merely smirks and hums louder.

Ronan wonders whether he should say something important, seeing as this seems like the right time and place for it.

He contemplates if he should promise Adam that Gansey wouldn’t care if he knew about his old crush on Blue or that the others wouldn’t see him any differently if they knew the truth about his past.

But Ronan knows all too well about how strong and rigid the desire can be to keep certain information about past lives to yourself so he certainly won’t force Adam to confess his darkest memories to anyone if he doesn’t want to.

Maybe Ronan should tell Adam something else, like how his mind constantly wonders back to the daydreams of kissing the back of Adam’s hands, his wrists, his knuckles under his lips are as raw and red as Adam’s hands are daily.

But no, none of those secrets are spoken aloud today.

So instead they sit in a comfortable silence until Adam’s shift ends and he locks up two hours later.

When Ronan brings up a topic of conversation, it is important but not one of the ones he mulled over earlier.

“I’d love to get my powers taken away.”

At a red light, Ronan actually stops driving and turns to Adam and is met with a confused frown.

“Why?”

Ronan instantly realises that what he said may have been inconsiderate.

“Because it feels like they control me.”

As the lights turn green, the rare loud laughing of Adam Parrish fills the BMW and Ronan can’t help but keep looking at him until the car behind him beeps at him to move the car.

He resists sticking a middle finger out the window, instead choosing to turn back to the road, keep driving and ask Adam,

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s just the idea of something controlling you.” Adam states, laughter still etched in his voice, “It’s ridiculous and rather hilarious”

“Never judge a book by its cover, Parrish.”

“I’m not.” Adam replies confidently, as if he were reciting the numbers in Latin, “From my analysis of what I know about you and from witnessing your moments of fury and defiance. I strongly doubt anything could control you.”

“My powers are the reason for that temper.” Ronan counter argues, failing to mention the addition of his fucked up life and the current state of the country as why he’s so consistently enraged.

Adam chooses not to agree or disagree but instead asks slowly,

“Can I see them, your powers?”

Blinking before turning a corner sharply, Ronan exhales through his nose and whispers, “Yeah, okay” 

A few months ago, Ronan never would have agreed to such a request but now he’s feeling more in control.

His recent few sessions with Henry have been successful so Ronan decides to do this in the one place that he feels the most and simultaneously least comfortable and safe, the Barns. 

Adam connects his phone to Ronan’s speakers on the drive and plays what he deems ‘good music’. Ronan finds that statement questionable but he’s so startled that Adam even remembers saying that he’d play some good music on this journey one day that he stays silent.

Driving to the Barns always feels natural, like his internal Sat-Nav clicks perfectly into place and he just drives on autopilot.

Suddenly he’s standing in his old garden, beside the acres of field that seemed to stretch for miles and miles to him as a child.

This was where he scraped his knee when struggling to ride a bike, this is where Matthew walked for the first time, right beside the steps where his mother laid her head on his father’s shoulder after a long day and he looked at her with one of those fond smiles.

Now this is where Ronan Lynch breathes in and out, shoulders loose and relaxes as he lets his powers come to life but this time under his control.

Strangely enough, he doesn’t fall into a daze when the sparks fly from his palms like usual, no this time his eyes remain clear and fixated on Adam Parrish.

Adam, the boy born with scars and doubts and pride now stands in front of him staring in awe at the spinning and dancing flames rising into the sunset as if they were fireflies.

The mantra circles around his head and Ronan clings to it but with Adam standing in front of him it’s not that difficult to remember the positive things in his life.

After a while, Ronan’s palms sting and he forces himself to stop; it takes a few minutes but as the sun disappears from the sky, so does the equally bright red and orange fire swirling around them.

Staring at the gravel for a moment after it ends, Ronan regains his breathing and thoughts before looking back up at Adam who’s watching him intently, a glint of something different, something more in his eyes.

Then, Adam takes three large steps towards him.

Ronan doesn’t understand what’s happening.

He doesn’t watch many movies, but he knows that in them these types of scenes are usually portrayed in slow motion but Ronan’s life isn’t a movie, it’s a car crash of disaster with a hint of love in the most unexpected places.

So right now it feels like everything is sped up, flying faster and faster like the first time he drove on the highway, in the dead of night with his heart racing and blood thumping in his ears.

One second Adam is standing still numerous inches away from him but then the next his rough hand is cupping the side of Ronan’s neck.

Then, before he can see or prepare for Adam leaning in, his lips are on Ronan’s. 

A thumb brushes his cheek and it’s that one soft delicate touch accompanying the crashing of lips that grounds Ronan back to the earth.

The overgrown grass and ancient trees in the distance tremble and so does Ronan’s entire being.

His stomach aches and similarly to before, his mind merely runs on autopilot as his hands finally act on the thousands of dreams he’s had about Adam as he kisses him back softly and places his hands lightly on Adam’s waist.

Stars have appeared in the darkening navy sky when Adam pulls back and Ronan eventually forces his eyes open to stare at the voyeur that is space above them, around them, inside of Ronan’s own fluttering, thumping, aching heart.

This was the place where he had his first kiss.

“Fuck” Ronan lets slip into the shivering night under his breath.

Adam hears it though and makes a small sound of amusement. But before Ronan can lower his neck to see Adam’s reaction, he feels it as Adam steps closer once more and his head finds purchase in Ronan’s neck.

With Adam’s breath on his clavicle, his hands gently wrapped around his waist and Ronan’s own hands acting on their own accord and stroking Adam’s hair, everything falls into place.

This is where he kissed Adam Parrish for the first time.

This, right here, was where Ronan knew things were changing, but he silently swore in that moment that they were changing for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!!


	16. Opal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Ronan's first kiss is nothing like he expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this has taken so long to update. I was finishing my last year of secondary/high school and doing my final exams. I had planned to upload this two weeks ago but my wifi was down and then I went on holiday. But I'm back now and should be updating more regularly for these last few chapters. 
> 
> I also got stuck into writing another pynch fic called The Bartender With The Raven Tattoo if you want to check that out
> 
> But anyway I hope this chapter was worth the wait :)

They don’t do much that night.

Gentle kisses, cheek caresses and the silent mutual decision to move from standing outside to lying intertwined on the deserted dusty sitting room couch were all that preoccupied Ronan and Adam as the flames evaporated from the sky while stars sprung to life in the night sky.

The only words spoken between the two take place shortly after the aching tiredness has seeped into their skin and when Ronan’s head has been strategically placed over Adam’s heartbeat who then mumbles above him,

“You should text Gansey.”

Making zero effort to move, Ronan replies,

“Why? So he can congratulate me?”

Adam snorts, “No, I didn’t mean to tell him about this but you should let him know we’re here so he doesn’t worry about you.”

Wondering why Adam Parrish has to be right all of the fucking time, Ronan groans and takes his phone out of his jeans pocket for the first time since he put it there the last time he wore these jeans last week.

When it finally turns on with a rude unsettling ding, he types a hasty message to Gansey which reads:

‘At Barns with Adam, don’t worry, we’re fine. Will be home tomorrow.”

Throwing the phone unceremoniously onto the carpet, Ronan allows himself to snuggle back into Adam’s chest and close his eyes.

He’s met with no complaints from Adam and surprisingly sleep comes easily to the both of them.

Ronen wakes up first the following morning with the scent of dust crawling through his nostrils and the beaming orange break of day shining through the window.

It takes him at least five minutes to untangle himself from a peacefully sleeping Adam, whose stress lines are still evident even in sleep.

Resisting the urge to stroke his hair or let his eyes linger on Adam’s features in sleep, Ronan stands from the couch and ignoring the protest in his limbs, makes his way to the bathroom before heading to the kitchen.

Pushing back the ancient memories accompanied by an aching pain in his chest, Ronan gets himself a glass of water and smiles absentmindedly at the thought of the night before.

It’s only after he drinks three gulp fulls of the cool substance and turns from the counter that he realises he’s not alone.

Springing backwards and barely managing not to send the glass he’s holding crashing to the tiled floor, Ronan stares, mouth agape at the anonymous child silently sitting perched on top of the countertop, nibbling on a piece of wood that’s the exact same type as the one from the dining table.

Actually looking closer, Ronan thinks it might actually be a piece from the dining table.

The girl looks about six or seven, with her overgrown, untidy blonde hair, fearsome blue eyes which are a similar shade to his own and she’s wearing one of Declan’s old t-shirts that goes down to her ankles and a pair of shoes that are in the shape of hooves…though they don’t look like shoes, but they couldn’t possibly be her feet.

She doesn’t look surprised to see him standing there as her eyes are interested, curious and staring right into Ronan’s own soul as she continues nibbling on the piece of wood wrapped around her long, thin fingers.

“Who the hell are you?” Ronan attempts to demand only for it to come out as a whisper.

She shrugs and replies in a quiet, dainty but confident voice, “I live here” 

“I didn’t ask you that” Ronan hisses, “I asked what your name is, kid”

The child shrugs and stops gazing deep into Ronan’s eyes to look over his shoulder.

Dread filling his stomach, Ronan turns to find Adam standing in the doorway, blinking at the child on the counter, his face utterly expressionless.

From the corner of his eye, Ronan catches the child’s eyes fall to the ground as she returns to eating wood but Adam keeps his eyes on her.

“I…she’s not mine”

Adam simply says, “Okay”

“I don’t know her”

“I believe you” Adam tilts his head to the side, eyes flickering back to Ronan and mouthing “Your brothers?”

Ronan shakes his head. Matthew’s never been back here since they left and Declan…Declan’s suspicious and probably has been back to the Barns but he’d never leave a child alone here.

Torn between revelling in being in his childhood home with Adam, who he kissed multiple times the night before and figuring out why a strange child is sitting in his abandoned childhood home, Ronan sighs and turns to Adam asking,

“You want some breakfast before I…attempt to deal with this?”

Adam nods, places a hand on Ronan’s arm and says, “Sure, I’d like that”

It turns out watching Gansey cook his signature French toast for the past six months since he saw it on a cooking show at 3am has rubbed off on Ronan.

He doesn’t think too much about how all the ingredients to make it are here and fresh. Whoever brought the child here apparently thought she was skilled enough to bake or cook for herself.

Or who knows, perhaps she went out and shopped for herself as if she can break into a random unsuspecting house in the middle of nowhere, why not?

Placing one fresh French toast on a smaller plate and resting it beside the nameless child on the counter, Ronan takes both his and Adam’s full plates and takes them to the dining table which does in fact have a chunk missing from the surface but Adam doesn’t even glance at it.

He also doesn’t seem to mind that the French toast is a bit burnt around the edges or that Ronan doesn’t get the joke he makes about eggs right away because he’s too distracted by Adam’s messy hair falling in front of his eyes.

“I like you” Ronan bursts out, a few moments of silence later

Adam smiles but doesn’t look at him, “I like you too, pass the salt, will you?”

A smile creeps onto Ronan’s face and he obliges the request instantly.

The child finishes her French toast too, rather quickly and Ronan doesn’t realise she’s hopped off the counter until Adam looks down at his side and realises she’s tugging at his clothes.

Looking from Adam to the food on his plate, the child stares wide-eyed at Adam who quickly gets the message and gives her at least a quarter of what’s left of his breakfast.

With no more than a rapid rough grab of the food for thanks, the child runs from the room and a minute later Ronan hears her pounding up the stairs and slamming the first door shut which was Declan’s old room.

Ronan sighs, “Can you give me a minute?”

Adam nods, “Of course” and heads off to the bathroom.

Picking up his phone from where he’d left it on the floor the night before, Ronan strolls back to the kitchen and ignoring the interrogating text from Gansey, Ronan calls Declan who answers almost instantly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well, hello to you too” Ronan remarks before sighing “There’s some kid at the Barns.”

“How is there…Ronan are you there right now?”

“Yes”

There’s nothing but mild static over the phone until Declan finally asks in a drained, resigned tone,

“Alone? Is Gansey with you?”

“No, I’m with Adam”

A beat

“Okay” Declan replies and Ronan can’t decipher his tone this time but it lies somewhere between being aware while also simultaneously being clueless as to who Adam is. As everyone knows, Declan Lynch is a “busy man”.

“Anyway, back to why the fuck there’s a child here?”

“I don’t know; did she wander in from a neighbour’s?”

“There’s nobody around here for miles, you know that.”

“Well, have you tried asking her where she’s from?”

“She was too busy ingesting the dining room table for small-talk and now she’s run into your room”

Declan sighs and Ronan can imagine him running a hand over his face.

“Give me an hour, I’ll be there then. Don’t move and don’t tell anyone else about this.”

“Fine”

Hanging up the phone, Ronan walks back to the sitting room and sees Adam sitting on the couch, fiddling with his jacket that was thrown on the armchair sometime last night.

“My brother’s on his way to deal with her”

Adam nods, “Yeah, of course”

The hand on the clock ticks six times before they both simultaneously burst out laughing, hands pressed against stomachs, bundled over and laughing until their sides hurt.

Ronan falls onto the couch beside Adam and when they’ve both controlled themselves enough to breathe again, they turn to one another.

“So what happens now?” Adam asks tentatively

“You expecting me to ask you on a date or something Parrish?”

“No” Adam responds quickly “I want to take you on one”

Ronan snorts and debates whether or not he should kiss Adam on the cheek before internally saying fuck it and does it.

Pulling back almost instantly and catching Adam’s bright blush, Ronan smirks, “Sure, Parrish, alright. I’ll let you spoil me.”

Rolling his eyes, Adam swats Ronan on the shoulder before standing,

“Come on, we better see if she’s okay”

Ronan groans, “But we don’t even know her, she could be crazy for all we know; she was eating wood for crying out loud, wood she ripped off of the dining table!”

Adam shrugs, “Kids are weird”

Scrunching up his nose, Ronan mutters ”Not this weird” before finally relenting and saying “Fine, fine.”

He sets off walking out the door before turning back to look at Adam for a moment.

Ronan wants to apologise for making Adam wait like this, he probably has some shift to get to or a test to study for. Adam likely wants Ronan to drive him home as soon as possible which is understandable and Ronan would do anything Adam asked, but with a random monstrous child on the loose in his childhood home? It’s probably best they stay here at least until Declan arrives.

When Declan finally does arrive, he silently looks Adam up and down for a second as if they were meeting for the first time and then does the same when he enters his old bedroom and finds the strange girl sitting on his bed.

Without a nostalgic scan of the room, Declan walks forward and kneels down in front of the small child and interlocks his hands on his knees.

“Hello, I’m Declan”

Blue eyes blink before nodding in acknowledgment

“Can you tell me your name?”

She shakes her head

“I…I understand you’re likely not allowed to speak to strangers but I promise we’re just trying to bring you back to your parents or guardians.”

The child shakes her head again.

Instead of asking her another question, Declan waits.

Silence enwraps the room for almost fifteen minutes and even when Ronan tries to speak, Declan puts a finger to his own lips and stops him.

Finally, the child speaks and in the two words she says, everything comes together.

“The Elders”

Adam closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in and out, Ronan darts his eyes back and forth between the child and Declan.

She is watching Declan, eyebrows raised and eyes wide, as if wondering whether she should have spoken at all but Declan just takes her small hand and squeezes it gently for a second.

“They brought you here?”

“Yeah”

Declan nods, “Okay, thank you for telling us that.”

Ten minutes later, Ronan, Declan, and Adam are sipping tea in a form of silence that is relentlessly uncomfortable.

Ronan and Declan continuously exchange glances but never speak and Adam stares at his feet for most of it.

Internally, Ronan thinks there could not have been a more unusual and stranger aftermath of his first kiss than this one right now.

Ronan knows at least one of those directed pointed looks of Declan’s is in relation to Adam and Ronan can only guess at the numerous incorrect ways Declan is connecting the dots of their presence at the Barns overnight and their ignorance at the child’s presence for that time but that’s not Ronan’s prime concern right now.

Then Declan stands, causing Adam, Ronan and even the girl who’s watching from her spot sitting with her knees to her chest against the corner wall to all lift their chins and watch him intently.

“I’ll see what I can find out, maybe you should text Gansey and ask him to ask his sister if she knows anything about the Elders and children.”

Turning to Adam, Declan asks, “Would you like a lift home, Adam?”

Adam blinks and Ronan can practically see the cogs turning in his head. Most likely Adam is trying to not listen to the voice in his head reminding him he needs to go soon, get showered, changed and go to work despite the fact that Ronan doubts he wants to be alone in a car with Declan.

Declan who will absolutely try to subtly bring up the question of what Ronan was doing at the Barns in the first place and why Adam was there with him. 

“I’ll give him a lift home” Ronan interjects “It’s fine; we were just leaving anyway.”

“You can’t leave her alone” Declan insists

Despite the rational side of Ronan knowing this, despite that being the reason he called Declan in the first place, Ronan still protests,

“But she’s been here for god knows how long and she’s done fine; she’s not my problem.”

“She’ll be your problem when the Elders come knocking and ask her if anyone’s been here.” Declan says, tone a touch lower than before, “I know this is still home to you and that you’ve come here before but you’re not allowed to, it’s forbidden.”

“I know that” Ronan hisses, standing to his feet “Why do you think I’m going to all this trouble to override their stupid decision.”

This is where Gansey if he were here, would say “Ronan” in that gentle but commanding voice of his but Adam stays silent.

Declan runs a hand over his face and then places his hands on his hips, hunching his back and staring at the ground for a few seconds. 

“This is why I’m asking you to stay here” Declan finally says, meeting Ronan’s raging eyes again, “We need to protect her and protect ourselves at the same time.”

“What if I bring her with us?”

“Well, what if the Elders come knocking to see how she’s doing and she’s disappeared?”

“You could” Adam interrupts “Treat her like a person and actually ask her what she wants.”

Both Lynches turn to glare at Adam accusingly, before turning to look at the child who is fidgeting with the hem of Declan’s t-shirt that she has covered over her knees.

After a brotherly stare off, Ronan eventually stomps over to the child before sitting down on the floor in front of her lazily.

“Has anybody come to see you since you’ve been here?”

The girl shakes her head.

“Do you think anyone will come to see you, other than the three of us?”

The child repeats the shake of her head.

Ronan nods, “Alright, do you want us to stay with you or go?”

The child blinks, points a small thin finger at Ronan and whispers under her breath, “Stay”.

Nodding, Ronan hums, “Alright, okay. So how about you come with me, that way we stay together? But we also bring Adam home and then on the way back here we can get you some proper food, that’s not wood to eat.”

“Ronan” Declan whispers behind him but Ronan doesn’t turn to face him, waiting for the girl’s response.

She nods, to which Ronan grins back. He stands and moves beside her and helps her to her feet before they face Declan and Adam who are staring at the both of them in surprise.

“Ronan, what if the Elders come?”

Ronan shrugs and looks at the girl again, “We can ask her to leave them a note, something like ‘gone on a walk’ or something. Anyway, I won’t be that long.”

Declan frowns doubtfully, “You’ll be at least two hours”

Rolling his eyes, Ronan turns away and looks over at the girl, determining that she definitely needs a jacket before going out.

“One at the most, Declan.” Ronan reassures him with a smirk before turning to Adam, “You ready to go?”

Adam’s answering grin is worth whatever fuming rant Declan will give him later.

They don’t leave for another half an hour as Adam has to gather his things, the child goes to the bathroom, Ronan searches for an old jacket of his when he was a child for her while Declan washes the dishes Ronan forgot to put away after breakfast.

They leave a hastily scribbled note, which Declan helped the girl write, on the torn apart dining room table before leaving the Barns.

The young girl eagerly hops into the backseat of the BMW and immediately starts playing with the window, pushing the button up and down repeatedly and giggling as it moves.

Ronan shakes his head at her before turning to catch Declan standing behind him, legs slightly apart and arms folded tight to his chest.

Adam glances between them and coughs, “I’m just gonna get in the car, it was nice meeting you properly Declan.” After a hurried shaking of hands, Adam jumps in the front seat of the BMW and shuts the door behind him.

The second the door closes, Declan verbally launches at him.

“What were you two doing here?”

Ronan just folds his arms, “It’s none of your business.”

“Ronan” Declan states, eyes demanding and forceful as he glares at Ronan.

“I just wanted to practice controlling my powers in a safe place okay? Adam was there to make sure I didn’t set the place on fire. That was it, calm down.”

Sighing loudly and purposefully, Declan shakes his head, “You can’t keep coming here. It’s too dangerous, especially right before your meeting with the council. I thought you were getting better with the powers issue.”

Ronan clenches his jaw “It’s not something I can exactly turn on and off.”

“I know that,” Declan says in a softer tone, “But we’ll get this place back for you. You just need to be patient and yes we all know staying calm isn’t your strong suit but the waiting will be worth it, you just need to hang tight.”

Before Ronan can respond, Declan turns and while he walks away, his back still to Ronan, he lightly comments, “Next time just take him to the cinema like normal boyfriends do, Ronan.”

Feeling heat rise to his cheeks in what he’s pretending is anger, Ronan gathers up a few tiny stones in his hand and throws them at the back of Declan’s head but from the laugh his brother emits afterwards, he sadly doubts they had any effect.

“Fucking bastard” Ronan mutters as he climbs into the car, ignoring the pink tint in Adam’s cheeks as well and wishing car doors were more soundproof.

He knows Declan will probably stalk them for this entire journey but Ronan decides right now that he’ll ignore that for the next hour as to not cause his blood, fire, and rage to boil at once.

Ronan has just rolled down the window in order to stick his middle finger out at Declan and is about to drive away when Adam coughs.

Swinging around to face him, Ronan raises an eyebrow, “What?”

Adam glances back at the child and then nods to the seatbelt Ronan hasn’t even made an attempt at buckling, “You’ve to set a good example”.

Ronan bares his teeth and holds his ground for two, three seconds before buckling his seatbelt roughly, “I’m not her goddamn parent, Parrish.”

“Of course not” Adam replies, tongue in the gap between his teeth, a wide grin on his face that Ronan only sees on the very rare occasions when Adam is relaxed and teasing.

Ronan simply glares at the road instead of replying and the three of them stay silent for the drive into Henrietta.

The child nibbles on the seatbelt which Adam must have forced her to wear too and Ronan casts a furtive glance down at his own leather wristbands that are limply hanging together by six threads before returning his eyes to the road. 

Dropping Adam off outside the church should be difficult but instead, it ignites a giddy jump in Ronan’s stomach at the thought of fulfilling all the stereotypically boyfriend acts he can do now, such as dropping Adam off outside his home.

Not that they are boyfriends, not that Ronan even wants to have that conversation, certainly not yet at least.

Ronan can feel Adam’s eyes on him, knows that Adam’s hoping Ronan will say something to quell the anxious tension hanging in the cool air as much as Ronan’s hoping Adam will do the same damn thing.

God, they’re hopeless.

Ronan looks down and finds Adam’s fingers absentmindedly running through the worn belt loops of his cheap, charity-shop jeans then he looks back up to see Adam’s face is a mixture of amusement and determination.

Adam’s a curious creature who hates mysteries; he prefers fact over fiction and would rather the brutal truth than sugar-coated white lies and Ronan knows that’s what Adam wants right now.

This is clear to Ronan purely from Adam’s current demeanour, standing on his tall thin legs with his chin upright and acting as an embodiment of every proud power pose without physically imitating them.

It hadn’t occurred to Ronan until this very moment that perhaps Adam too was worried that he may be rejected, even after the events of last night.

“Thank you,” Ronan says, swallowing quickly, “For last night when you calmed me down, before everything. You helped and I appreciated it.”

Adam’s lips quirk, not in a smile or frown but as if he were calculating a math question where there was no formula, answering a crossword puzzle where the maker had unintentionally made a mistake and he was trying to discover the impossible answer.

Ronan felt like an impossible answer, the rage and fury that coursed through his veins had been replaced by soft, excited affection and to add to his emotional imbalance, there was a young child/animal/possible centaur sitting in the back of his BMW knawing on her seat-belt.

But Adam was clear-cut, his goals were carefully drawn up and laid out as he had a path he was adamant to follow through whether it was his destiny or not.

How two opposites such as themselves could possibly work on top of everything they’re going through Ronan has no idea but he wouldn’t be against trying.

“It’s fine” Adam replies casually

“Okay” Ronan responds, “So I’ll see you later then”

“Yeah, absolutely”

Neither of them moves for a second and Ronan searches his mind desperately for something to say that would ensure this parting ended less awkwardly.

“Well, take care of…” Adam trails off

“Opal” Ronan hastily interrupts

Adam frowns, “Her name is Opal?”

Ronan hesitates and then shrugs, sticking his hands into the back pockets of his jeans,

“Well, yeah I think it suits her.”

“You can’t just name her like you’d name a pet cat Ronan.” Adam berates, his eyebrows furrowing

Ronan rolls his eyes, “Parents name their kids most of the time, owners name their cats, teenage boys name the random stray kids that trespass into their childhood homes but fine I’ll get her real name out of her eventually.”

Adam sighs long and languid and Ronan truly worries about the effect both Declan and Gansey are beginning to have on him as that sigh could have been a carbon copy impersonation of either of them.

“Fine, I suppose I’ve no experience with this situation, so you do as you please.” Adam relents while breaking eye-contact to check his watch, “I should go”

“You should”

“Talk to you later?”

Ronan nods in reply, his mind frantically trying to remember where he left his phone in the Barns in case Adam meant they’d talk later by means of mobile technology.

“Thanks again” Ronan says hurriedly but honestly, hoping Adam hears the sincerity behind his words.

Adam offers him a soft smile in return and says, “Thank you as well” and without any further explanation, he walks away and up the steps to the church.

Ronan watches for a moment before walking to his car, a feeling of eased comfort gracing his muscles which relax the second he jumps into the car, closes the door and twists the key in the ignition.

The child looks at him wide and wild, an expression Gansey has used to describe Ronan’s features on several occasions.

Ronan doesn’t know where this girl came from, who her real family is or why the Elders brought her to the Barns.

But one thing’s for certain is that he’s going to find out. 

After they get some proper food first of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
